


Speak -- H i a t u s

by 23seconds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, BadBoy!Zayn, Bullying, Fluff, Homophobia, Incest, M/M, Masturbation, Mute!Harry, Smut, Summer Camp AU, Underage - Freeform, badboy!Louis, noncon, tops!harry, tops!louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-02 08:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 80,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/23seconds/pseuds/23seconds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been so long since he last let something slip from his lips, he isn't even sure if he remembers how to give his thoughts a voice. In fact, he isn't even sure if he has a voice of his own anymore. Not that it even matters. Speaking for him has become a fear, a dream, and a phobia. Well, maybe not a dream. For not even when he sleeps does he make the smallest of a peep.</p><p> </p><p>Or the one where Harry is mute and Louis is a spoiled bad boy bully. They've met before, but not properly. Summer camp AU!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Ghost Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Be patient with chapters, as I have two jobs and am stealing wifi to post these.  
> Please do leave some feedback, and be warned.  
> Massive trigger warnings in this story.
> 
>  
> 
> (This fic will be on Hiatus until further notice, as I've lost interest and can't seem to pick it back up quite yet. Mind you I had thought it was writers block, yet I've already written 30+k to a long one shot I've been working on. So, I need to revamp. )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The band new and sparkly chapter one!   
> Thanks to InsufferableInsanity | AO3 for being my beta!
> 
> Please do leave some feedback. Once again, TRIGGER WARNINGS!

 

           Harry's father sits comfortably behind the wheel of the old rusty truck, eyes sharp at the sight of the frail boy slumped over uncomfortably in the seat beside him. The sun is out, a slight breeze whistling through the cracked window to blow through the boy's curly hair as he studiously avoids looking at the man next to him.

  
        The older man thought that he might've seen the barest hint of excitement in the boy's eyes as their home, their city, faded into the distance when they'd left earlier that morning, something that he decided simply won't do.

  
        Excitement is strictly forbidden.

  
        "Do you remember what happens if I find out you've opened your mouth?" the man asks nonchalantly, looking over at Harry with a deceptively reassuring pat on the boys thigh. The mans stench permeates the air with each breath, and Harry wrinkles his nose at his lap when the smell reached him.  
        Nevertheless, Harry nods obediently.  
        "What's that? I can't hear you," the man teases.  
        Harry knew this trick. The last time he fell for it had been years ago, in the days when he was still young and foolish. He'd been rewarded with a swift and unforgiving slap straight to the face for giving an audible answer. So he nods harder, eyes visible underneath his mop of shaggy hair, trying his hardest to show his understanding of the consequences.  
        "Good boy," the man cackles, patting Harry's leg one last time before taking the turn to camp.  
   
   
        Pulling up to Camp Silver Stone is the same every year, the dread fading bit by bit the more of the camp Harry can see, being replaced with the closest thing to relief he'd ever known. It never fully took root when the man beside him pets his covered shoulder as a reminder him of the life he would be returning to when camp was over.

  
        Regardless of Harry's home life, he liked to think of camp as a home away from home. Though he knew that the abuse was always there, lurking around every corner, he took comfort in the fact that he would get to eat a normal meal and sleep in a normal bed.

  
        Besides, no one here would ever actually hit Harry. He never did anything to make them want to hurt him physically. All they ever did was call him names, maybe push him around a little. Never enough to leave bruises and certainly not anywhere near the level of punishment he gets at home.

  
        The absolute best thing was that after so long with the name-calling and verbal abuse it just kind of... faded away. It became background noise. A long time ago, he could remember lying in his bunk with a heavy heart after being called a petty name. Now all he does is stare blankly off into space after he crawls into his bunk, his mind so quiet it's almost enough to unsettle him. He was completely numb to it, like he'd overdosed on melancholy.

  
        All hope of escaping his fate withered away long ago. Now he knew better than to expect anything other than pain.  
        Of course, none of this was the reasoning behind his silenced lips. Whether it was on purpose or not, being 'mute' was more-so the cause of the bullying. Nobody liked a person that couldn't talk. The thing was, Harry could. Physically, he looked almost so healthy it was unreal (if you looked past the bruises). He just wouldn't. For many many reasons, most which he could hardly explain himself.

  
        Sometimes, he found himself wondering if they would leave him alone if they knew the real cause of his silence. But then again, did he truly deserve that? He was born and raised knowing how pathetic he was as a human being. How useless, how freakish. His entire existence was a bother for everyone, himself included. Maybe... maybe this was his punishment for being born. He must've done something to deserve this treatment. Maybe this was just how it was supposed to be. And Harry was okay with that. He deserved every single thing that happened to him, every single thing his father has done over the years to keep him silent. The whippings, the threats, the bruises. Every slap, every burn, every day without food. It was all because of him, the freak that didn't even deserve to lick the dirt off other people's feet.

  
        Sitting in the dirty truck at the entrance to the camp agitates Harry. He wishes he could belong with all the people he can see outside, pointing and laughing at the run-down vehicle Harry always arrived in. They were all familiar faces of people who'd hurt him at least once before.  
        “Well? Get the hell out!” his father barks. Harry jumps and scrambled for his bag, his large hands shaking so much that it was an actual struggle to grab his ruck-sack.  
        "Cover your arms, boy!" his father yells, jumping in panic to grab at Harry's wrists like he was a rag-doll, shaking the boy carelessly. Regardless of the dreadful heat Harry pulls the sleeves of his jumper down quickly, not in the mood to set his father off even further.  
        The man looked rather pleased with him once he's done, flashing a rotten toothed smile before telling him to “get the fuck out of the truck.”  
        Gladly, Harry thought, still struggling with his ruck-sack.  
   
~  
   
    "I don't see why I have to be here, I'm fucking sixteen," Louis huffs, glaring into the rear-view mirror from the backseat.  
    "Look, Louis. Your parents have their reasons. You have friends here, yeah?" his driver replies soothingly.  
    "No," the teen snaps.  
    Louis had been sent to Camp Silver Stone for as long as he could remember. It'd been fun at first, seeing old and new faces every year, choosing to completely forget about life at home. It’d been fun having to freedom to just play around and not care about anyone else but himself. Now that he's older though, he's just really fucking sick of it.

  
      The real reason he was sent there every single year was simple enough. Louis acted out more and more each year. When he was fourteen he blatantly refused to wear his school uniform properly, refused to do his school coursework, and sometimes just skipped school altogether. When he came out as gay at fifteen, his parents didn't mind. Though they accepted his sexuality effortlessly, school was a completely different story. All the bullies toughened him up, taught him to defend himself. Louis learned how to hit first, and it’s turned him into a bully himself, actually. As long as he was proud of who he was, he could pick on those who weren't, right? If anything, it's teaching them how to keep their shit together when life eventually fucked them over. He was still fifteen when he picked up smoking from Zayn, drank at every opportunity, got quite a few piercings, and hung out with trashy looking people.

  
        His parents obviously thought that camp was full of things to keep him occupied and happy, since it had always seemed to work before. Louis didn’t even try to argue with them, knowing a lost cause when he saw one.

  
    The teen huffs again as he opens his door, succeeding in knocking it against the driver as he did so. Louis snorts and then flicks his eyes expectantly to the trunk. The man continues to stand there, staring hard across the car park.  
    "Are you stupid? Get my things!" Louis orders.  
    As the driver realizes that he does, in fact, have a job to do, Louis eyes across the park in the direction his chauffeur was looking and saw a familiar little face, a familiar ugly man, and a familiar disgusting truck. The curly-haired boy was struggling with his things, the other person in the cab not helping at all. In fact, as Louis watched, the man shoved all of the boy’s belongings out of the window and sped off, leaving him standing alone by the entrance.

  
    "Why is he even wearing that jumper?" Louis’ chauffeur asks, eying the curly haired boy over with a raised brow.  
    Louis shrugs. "He's always worn them."  
    "Oh? Are you friends?"  
    "Nope," Louis replies shortly.  
    When Louis got to his cabin, he dared to look back. Most of the people standing around were staring at Harry as he stands there with his things, like he was waiting for someone to carry him to his cabin.  
    Green met blue across the way, and Louis’ heart skips a beat. They stare at each other for a long moment before mutually breaking eye contact. The hairs on the older boys neck stood straight up.  
    "Freak," Louis sneers, shaking his head as he lets his cabin door fall closed behind him.  
    He could still feel Harry's eyes hours later.

 


	2. Prologue

 

         Harry doesn't speak.

Part of it is an irrational fear that his body would hurt even more if he did. Completely irrational, but that didn't make him want to make him open his mouth anymore than he did. Things that came so easy to others were especially difficult for him, the _freak_.

       Some of it's just because he doesn't want to give people the pleasure of hearing him.

It's been so long since he last let something slip from his lips without a thought, a careless voice that was silenced in the most violent of ways. He isn't even sure if he _has_ a voice of his own anymore, not that it matters. Speaking, for him, has become a _phobia_ , a _dream._ Perhaps maybe not even a dream anymore. Not even in slumber does he make the smallest of a peep.

Still...

     He occasionally wonders how it would feel, the vibrations running up his throat, the sensation of sound on his lips, a noise that he made. Then he wonders if maybe the words would burn like acid as they stumble out, searing his tongue and leaving scars in new places. Harry doesn't want that.

     He likes to think of himself as a very _numb_ person, someone that lives through every single day silent and alone. He takes a certain amount of _pride_ in receiving a beating without crying out or screaming. But he knows only _too_ well that he is still very human, with all of the same human qualities. He does still feel. Anger, humiliation, fear. In fact, he's probably more human than the humans around him.

    Yet, all he can remember is the overwhelming sadness. It keeps him locked up in his cage, holding him tight inside the recesses of him mind.

    He remembers trying to smile, once. Only once. All he could think of was how his cheeks became too heavy, like they'd hidden a thousand pounds under his skin. It felt like they were being sawed open. After that he made a silent oath to never try again. Happiness has no space for Harry Styles, and a smile had no place on his lips.

    But he would like to _know_ what happiness feels like. He reads about it a lot, in the books he keeps squirreled away beneath the floor boards of his small house. He reads about the world, about mythical creatures that save boys like him. Yet, its that one word that sticks out to him. Happiness. The supposed feeling of warmth, of loveliness, of safety. He wants that _so bad._

_The selfish boy._

 

     Louis Tomlinson never knew when to keep his mouth shut. He was born screaming and never seemed to really stop. Loud and rash, he was always ready for a chance to give someone a piece of his mind, whether they wanted it or not. Regardless of his parents inability to stick around long enough to hear him, others wouldn't hesitate to wish Louis was mute for _at least_ a day.

     Unfortunately, being forced not to make a sound and being asked to “shut the fuck up, Louis” are two entirely different things with two entirely different motives.


	3. The Lonely Flower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY UPDATED~~
> 
> Thanks to InsufferableInsanity | AO3 for being my beta!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING.

 

    Anyone who'd been to Camp Silver Stone knew who Harry Styles was.  
    Rumors of the notorious "freak that can't speak" ran rampant every year. Harry didn't really mind, because while it might be the same sort of treatment as he gets at home, he still got a bed and a warm meal.

  
    What used to bother him the most was the reason why. These people didn't even call him a freak just on the fact that he couldn't talk. It must've been his "auras" , he deduced. The way he walked, the fact that he breathed. It was just him. Something about him unnerved everyone. Some people were actually afraid of what he would sound like, like he's some kind of unholy demon summoned from the deepest pit of Hell.

  
    He'd become a sort of legend at the camp, with all sorts of rumors about him. Once, at the camp bonfire, someone told a horror story about him and all the traumatic experiences and things that weren't actually all that untrue.

  
    These were the same people that knew of Louis as the "spoiled asshole".  
    If you were the scant one percent that got him to be nice to you, you were simultaneously feared and worshiped. It was a very rare occurrence, since he preferred to be off by himself, scoffing at those lower than him as he sat alone on his new iPhone. And it wasn't that Louis didn't want friends. He liked having friends as much as the next guy. Louis was just a born realist, and with that came the knowledge that the friendships made here would end the moment their parents (or drivers) showed up to take them away.

  
    The one person Louis willingly socialized with was Zayn Malik. They'd met in school around the time Louis decided to do things his own way, and had planned on meeting at the camp together. It was Zayn's first year, so Louis made it his job to keep an eye on the other boy. Zayn was probably closest to a real friend that Louis had, now that he thought about it. After the older boy had stopped all the bullying Zayn had been getting, the younger boy had accidentally come out of the closet and then proceeded to hero worship Louis for the rest of the year.

  
    Louis wouldn't say that they were close exactly, but they had certainly been through a lot together. Zayn was always there when he was weak, when he really needed someone. But while Louis would argue that he didn't really need anyone, he allowed Zayn to sit beside him and help him try to scope out a nice summer smoking place. (Louis had bought a carton of cigarettes and Zayn had only brought five packs, planning to bum from Louis eventually.)

  
    Zayn was actually a very mushy person on the inside, but hanging out with Louis had made him start to hide that side of him deep, far beneath the facade he puts on. He was absolutely vicious on the outside. When he found a good target to take his anger out on, they usually didn't make it very far.  
    Sure enough, Zayn saw Harry soon after he left Louis' cabin. The simple fact that they'd been bunked together made Zayn laugh darkly.  
    This summer was going to be fun.  
   
    Louis was quite pleased with his sleeping arrangements. His one and only argument with his parents about camp had been that he wanted his own room. So, a week before camp, he'd been notified by the camp officials that he'd been granted him a smaller cabin slightly farther away from the rest. Along with his own personal toilet, he thought he could possibly get away with smoking here. The trees right out in the back were big enough to hide his smaller body from being seen.  
    Louis does a small and hidden victory dance.

  
    Later, after he'd unpacked his bags and neatly put away all his things, he decides to change into a more comfortable pair of pants and go down to the dining hall to eat. He wasn't looking forward to it, mostly because he couldn't really remember if the food was good.  
    He sighs as he grabs his iPod and slips out his door.

  
~

  
    Harry was anxious. Eating dinner the first night is always the worst. Someone new always tried to sit with him or make him talk and it just never worked out for anyone. The uneasy feeling in his gut got bigger and bigger the closer he gets to the food, and it's all he could do to grab some and sit down at the table farthest away from everyone.  
    Then he realizes Zayn is glaring at him.

  
    Harry tries to ignore it as he attempted to focus on the flavor of the blueberry muffin that was given to him. Harry liked muffins a lot, and he kind of felt bad when he puts down to allow himself the pleasure of tasting the other food his tray has to offer.

  
    He's fully enjoying his first real meal in months when he suddenly looks at his tray only to find that his precious blueberry muffin had been taken, along with his banana, his sandwich... There was no way he'd already eaten all of that.  
    He looks up to see Zayn standing over him with a vindictive expression.  
    "Enjoying your dinner?" Zayn smirks.  
    Harry's hands curl into fists beneath the table, but he gives no other visible reaction.  
    "Hey, what's wrong with you?" Zayn demands, leaning over the table, and consequently Harry, threateningly.  
    Louis walks in just then, and found himself a front row seat to the show. He watched the scene with a curious look, trying to anticipate the next move.  
    "Answer me!" Zayn shouts.  
    The boy doesn't even flinch, too busy internally debating the likelihood of him ever getting back his food. Seeing it as a lost cause, he abruptly rises from his seat and walks away briskly.

  
    Zayn watches as Harry walks away without a tear in his eye, wanting nothing more than to drag him back and make him stare at the food that he didn't get to eat.

  
    Louis felt a wave of pity. It was pretty upsetting watching the curly haired boy just up and leave, because everyone had the right to eat their fucking food. Freak or not, it was essential to life.  
    But, since when did Louis care what happened to Harry Styles?  
    He shook away the feeling as he grabs some food and sits beside Zayn, asking him about his plans for the next day. They finish their dinner without a thought of Harry crossing their mind again.

  
~

  
    When Harry slipped out of the dinner hall, he immediately headed for his cabin, berating himself for his stupidity. He didn't seriously think he could make it a single second without something bad happening, what with how many people were in there. One Harry against a few hundred other kids and teenagers around ready to spit insults at him weren't very good odds.

  
    Harry knew the schedule inside and out. Dinner at six and the bonfire at seven thirty, and he was going to do everything he could to avoid that fucking fire.

  
    As normal as this was, _something felt very wrong_.

  
    Harry shook his head and took a steadying breath before shoving his fingers down his throat. His stomach jumps and he gags harshly. When nothing comes back up, Harry gives up completely. Though his head feels hot and he was shaking violently, he huddles on his top bunk in the corner and waits for the inevitable arrival of someone to escort him to the bonfire.

  
    He drifts to sleep after a while, and woke to a knock on the door at around seven forty-five. Harry tried his best to ignore it, but eventually felt guilty for keeping the poor man from doing his job and just opened the door.  
    No words were said between the two. Harry just nods slowly and holds up his pointer finger, signaling one minute.

  
    The supervisor eyes him curiously, probably wondering if he was one of the only people to see Harry in a T-shirt instead of a sweater. He notes the small purple marks on the boy's  wrists before Harry covers them again with his jumper and looks at him expectantly.  
    "Come on, it'll be fun," the supervisor says, leading Harry out of his cabin and to the crackling fire.

  
    Harry wanted to hide inside of a tree.

  
~

  
    All was well with the fire, everyone sharing nostalgic stories from the summer before or their school year. Each person was getting his or her memories out in the open, until everyone looked at Harry. No one expected him to speak, but he certainly felt the pressure.  
    So he simply scoots his knees up to his chest and shakes his head.  
    "HA! I knew he wouldn't speak!" a girl crows, chuckling into her cup of sugary water.

  
    Louis was across from Harry, sitting on a stump next to Zayn. He was unusually quiet at the moment, listening intently on what everyone is saying, sometimes chuckling at the stupid shit people come up with to say to Harry.  
    "Someone told me your tongue got cut out! Can I see it?"  
    "He's too stupid to talk. We've already tried."  
    "Maybe we should make him talk."  
    Harry's heart rate picked up a bit as he hid his face in his knees.  
    "Ahaaaa!" Zayn laughs loudly. "He's such a little pussy!"  he adds, nudging Louis in the side.

  
    Louis laughs, deciding to finally join in on the festivities. The freak was asking for it, not standing up for himself.  
    "How should we make him talk?" Louis yells excitedly. Everyone spoke up, all of them involving hurting the mute boy in some way or another. It was like he wasn't even there.

  
    After a few minutes of absorbing the constant insults, Harry realizes that they showed no sign of slowing down. So he simply stands up and walks away.  
    "Mr. Styles! Where do you think you're going?" The supervisor admonishes, rising from his seat.  
    Harry doesn't answer.  
    "Your cabin isn't that way, young man!" the man shouts.  
    Harry doesn't stop.

  
    The fact that he never truly tried to stop Harry was enough to keep him from going back.

  
    He walks in circles, back and forth, to and fro. Retracing his steps, memorizing trees and leaves that fell before their time.  
    He does this for hours.

  
    He does it until the distant sounds of everyone crowded around the bonfire are long gone. He can see the smoke above the trees but feels no need to go back. He wants to sleep here, in the grass, next to the beautiful lonely little flower he found. It was growing in a place where sunlight couldn’t reach, yet it’s standing strong and proud on its stem, cloaked in the darkness.

  
    Harry wishes he could be like that flower.

  
~

  
    After the bonfire, Zayn and Louis walk back to Louis' cabin. They smoke and spend just about two hours talking.  
    "So your parents hate you too then?" Zayn eventually asks, blowing smoke into the night.  
    Louis nods. "Yeah."

  
    At least that was how Louis felt. He knew deep down his parents loved him. He just didn't fully realize that with a lawyer as a mother and a doctor as a father, they simply couldn't be home often... or at all, in his case. But because of that, if he asked for something, they gave it to him. No, they couldn't buy his love. But if it kept him happy until they could be there as a real family, so be it.

  
    Zayn was a different story.  
    His parents didn't hate him. They might’ve make him do the dishes when he wanted to be left alone, or not let him shove a safety pin through his lip when the preacher was there, but they loved him. Zayn was far more spoiled than Louis, with a serious anger problem. After a while, his parents became a target.  
    Eventually he forgot it was a lie.  
    "We're going nowhere in life," Louis sighs after a long moment.  
    "Yeah," Zayn agrees.  
  
And that's it. That's their friendship.

 


	4. The Cycle, The Bully, and The Breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh jesus.
> 
> Sorry for any typos. Trying to get a chapter a day for now!  
> Slowly writing more and more for each chapter.
> 
> There is small mature parts in this chapter.
> 
> It'll happen, just wait for it.

 

It's been more than a few days now, Harry hasn't seen too much relief in the abuse. He doesn't mind, he's used to that. But there is one thing that's bothering him.

 

Remember how of all people, Zayn was assigned as his bunk mate? Well, there isn't even one good quality in that. Zayn snores, he wakes Harry up with yells in the morning and laughs when he flinches, and he tries to talk to him about himself late at night. Like maybe their friends, but not really.

 

However he would gladly take all of that over what has been happening the past two nights. Apparently Zayn is gay. Harry doesn't have a problem with this. He really had no idea of Zayn's sexuality until he was going over his dreadful day in his mind late at night in bed. He was brought out of his thoughts when the sound of a window was opened and a boy silently climbed through.

 

A small "Shh, Liam." from Zayn broke the silence.

 

And then a small "Sorry. . " Shortly followed.

 

So Zayn is not only gay, but he likes to sneak the boys in at night and fuck them beneath Harry. Keeping him awake as their moans flood his ears.  
It really wouldn't bother Harry all that much if it wasn't for the fact that those moans usually aren't because of pleasure. He can tell Liam isn't fighting Zayn, but why isn't he?

 

Anytime those very sounds fell from his father's lips, Harry was in pain. A lot of pain. He was never quite sure if his father was in pain as well, but he kind of assumed he was.

 

Harry is ignorant. He knows what sex is, he knows that you do it when you love someone, and that's where babies come from. But he's always thought it was painful. And when his father tells Harry that he loves him afterwards, he believes love may be just as more painful, being willing to hurt and be hurt both physically and emotionally.

 

Nevertheless, Liam isn't fighting, in fact he is making the smallest of sounds now. Harry can feel the bunk move slightly with them, and yes. He is very uncomfortable. But what can he do?  
Almost an hour goes by before they finally stop and Liam is putting his clothes back on. He leans down to kiss Zayn and is then, for no reason at all, looking at Harry. Suddenly panic fills Liam's mind.

 

"Zayn. . He's awake." Liam leans down to whisper. Thinking that since Harry can't talk, he must not be able to hear either.

 

"Don't worry about him, the little fuck doesn't talk at all. He's not going to tell anyone." Zayn responds back, louder. Making sure Harry can hear clearly.

 

Liam only nods and looks to Harry again, nodding at him as well. Snarling a bit as he heads back over towards the window.

 

"Oh and Liam. ." Zayn says.

 

"We should do this again sometime." He says with a hand behind his head, still breathing heavily.

 

Liam furrows his brows and then climbs out. Giving a small wave before walking into the darkness.

 

~

 

The next day is a strange one for Harry. Assuming the entire day will go through with himself being ignored or spoken to like an animal. And he was right, that did happen. However, there was one small shimmer of hope that broke through.

 

Liam had scoped Harry out as the other's were playing footie. Louis scoring many goals against Zayn, and laughing loudly in his face.

 

Liam kind of motions Harry to follow him, and he does. Trying to avoid the thoughts of being murdered or beaten to a pulp in his head.  
He brings him behind Louis' cabin. Liam knows it's Louis' territory, That's kind of scary since Louis doesn't seem to like him very much. But it's really the only place you can go without being seen here. That is, unless you go deep into the wooded area surrounding them.

 

"Hey. . about what you saw last night." Liam says, looking to the ground.

 

Harry just stares at his feet as Liam speaks. He can tell that Liam is worried he will speak out about it.

 

"C-. . Can I really trust you with this? Not telling anyone I mean. I would be killed if people found out about me. . being- yo--you know. gay. ." Liam spits out, flinching and swallowing hard at the words.

 

Harry looks up to him. The poor boy, worrying about what people think of him. He's so lucky to have a reason to worry. To have a reputation to keep. No one gave Harry a chance to do that. A chance to worry about people suddenly disliking him.So many people already dislike Harry, so regardless of what he does the outcome will always be negative.

Yes though, Liam can trust him. Even if he could talk, he would feel no need in saying such a thing. That is personal to them, whether Harry is forced to be in the same room as it happens or not. It's not his place to think, or say anything about it.  
He does a slight nod towards Liam, and attempts to train his eyes to speak for him.

 

His eyes are saying "Your secret is safe with me." , "You deserve to tell people when you're ready.", and "I would never."

 

He thinks maybe Liam hears his eyes, because he nods back and holds out his pinky finger.

 

"It's not much, but pinky swears are law. ." He says with a chuckle.

 

Harry willingly touches another human, knotting their pinkies together and nodding politely.But as Liam walks away, Harry can hear him say something. And he doesn't know why, but he feels broken, ashamed, and worthless.

"You're the least of my worries anyway. . You can't even talk."

 

That glimmer of hope is now gone.

 

~

 

Liam is a weird one alright. It's like he is one person one moment, and another person the next.

 

Sometimes he politely waves to Harry when no one is looking, but only ten minutes later he'll be stepping on the pile of flowers Harry had picked, or laughing in his face as he flinches at Zayn's teasing arms, pretending to hit him.

 

Who even is Liam?

 

Why is he so ashamed of who he is, who he likes, and what he does?

 

You see, it's like a cycle with Liam. Deep down, he is so so kind hearted. He loves everyone, believes everyone has a reason for why they are they way they are. He is someone who senses a very strong feeling of sadness when Harry is around. He is also one of the only people who doesn't feel afraid by that.  
He likes Harry, he does. But the thing is, no one else likes Harry. So neither does he.  
He will try so hard to wave, and smile at the boy, but only feel like he is being judged for doing so. So with that, he gets in on the insults and bad treatment towards him.  
Liam is ashamed he likes Harry, but worries for him. And he is ashamed that he bullies Harry, and laughs at him.  
Like I said, a cycle. And that's how everything in Liam's life is.  
He keeps his heart locked in a box, and acts the way people want him to act.

 

Never once thinking for himself.

 

~

 

Louis feels as though he has seen less and less of Harry. Not that it even matters. But why does he notice? Why does he notice when Harry's isn't in the dinner hall? When he isn't outside with the others? Why did he notice both Liam and Harry walking off towards the cabins when he scored that goal? Why did he glare as if it was his business?  
Did Liam get Harry to talk? That isn't fair. Louis has known Harry longer, kind of. Well, not really. But he should be the one to hear him speak first.  
Would he really sound like a demon? What would he sound like. .

 

The freak named Harry.

 

Where has his voice gone?

 

Louis always had the best intentions, but does everything the wrong way. After this day he becomes utterly obsessed with hearing something, anything from Harry. No matter what he has to do, he will do it.

 

His first idea was to beat it out of him, but why beat the poor kid?

 

His second idea was to just be nice, but why be nice to a freak?

 

So he goes with the most natural thing coming from him. He triggers Harry when he insults him, he says and does anything to make Harry look as if he wants to scream. And when Harry looks as though he is going to say something, or scream something, Louis leans in really close and pretends to not be interested. But is always disappointed as Harry simple closes his mouth and paces away from him.

 

On one of these days, Louis says a particular thing that has Harry's skin crawling. Practically holding his breath in his throat so a sound doesn't escape. He wants to scream so bad, but he isn't sure how to make it come out, or if he even truly wants it to. He will regret the moment he lets a sound slip from his lips, so he simply bit down hard on his lip, bloodying it as he ran away with tears in his eyes.

 

What was it that Louis said? What was the one thing that nearly had Harry screaming so loud his father at home would hear, and immediately leave to pick him up and bring him back to his prison? It was a simple thing, really. Louis hadn't even fully gotten into the true insult of the day yet, he was only just starting when he saw Harry's heart break in front of him.

"How's the home life?" Was all Louis had said.

 

Harry doesn't know why it truly fucked him up so badly. Maybe because no one had ever asked or mentioned his life at home aside from in stories and rumors that had no platform. It scares him that what if Louis really wanted to know? What if he already knows and he is just using this to fuck with his head?

 

His life there, and his summer life here are two different things, and they should never be mixed.

 

Louis thought he had went too far for a moment, feeling his face get hot with anticipation when Harry opened his mouth for that split second. He was completely hynotized by Harry's eyes in that moment, and he probably wouldn't have even been able to hear anything he had said if he managed to make a sound. Why? Why did that happen?  
Why did he almost reach out for him when he noticed the blood on Harry's chin from biting so hard? Fuck if he knows.  
This is the closest he's gotten to breaking Harry's silence, and he doesn't think he wants to try this again.

 

In all honesty, it was just as scary for Louis as it was for Harry. The entire scene taking place inside of the dinner hall.  
A lot of things happen there, Harry doesn't like it very much. But apparently it's a dinner and show for everyone else.

 

~

 

Louis is half outside of his cabin smoking when he notices a figure walking towards his direction. He quicky peeks at his clock and it's half past midnight. Lights out was two hours ago, who the fuck?

 

It's Harry.

 

'So that's what he does. . ' Louis thinks to himself, remembering how Harry is never in the shower room when everyone else is. He nearly slaps himself when he realizes Harry showers after everyone is in bed. Good choice, kid.

 

He doesn't resist the urge to sneak his way over to the showering room. It's on the other side of the dinner hall. Which is located about thirty feet from his own cabin.  
He wonders if Harry showers after lights out to avoid an entire new form of bullying, or just because he's insecure. No one has ever seen him without those fucking jumpers on. What is he hiding?

 

As he's silently making his way to the shower room, he trips on a tree stump and makes a small 'oomph!' sound. Harry was just about to walk through the arch way when he heard it. He simply scurries his way quickly into the showers.

 

'Hm, cute.' Louis says to himself, realizing that the sound had actually frightened Harry.

He makes it the rest of the way without tripping this time, noticing he still has small twigs on his shirt, he swipes them off until he hears the shower turn on. And now he is peeking through the arch way.

 

'Interesting choice of stall. . ' He thinks to himself, as Harry had chosen the stall slightly to the right and across from the door. He thinks maybe Harry can't see through the arch from there, but you can certainly see everything from where Louis is standing.

 

They should really get some swinging doors, or curtains or something. He thinks maybe girls have walked by and seen him showering before.  
'Fucking hell. .' He thinks, quietly bumping his head on the wall.

 

He looks up again.

 

The steam is rising slowly from Harry's body, and the short wall that separates shower from shower is covering Harry's lower half. He savors the image for a moment, rewarding himself with a small and secret smile as he realizes he is probably the first to see this.  
He keeps his eyes on Harry's back for a long time, He looks normal. His milky skin looks smooth and slick under the water. His size looks normal. Everything looks fine, so what is he hiding? Does he have some other fucked up thing about him?  
And then Harry is turning around. Louis jumps out of sight with panic, taking a minute to contain himself. He realizes that Harry hadn't noticed since he still hears the water runner, and the soft sound of splashing against the tile.

 

He peeks his head around again, and his heart caves in.

 

Now Louis sees Harry as normal. But that's just what he thinks at the first view . . Harry is actuallt very underweight, but had been trying his damndest to put some weight on as he's been here. Yeah, Louis can see that he's a lot smaller than himself. But then again, Harry is younger than him too. This is normal right?  
Again, Harry's size looks normal. But there is something about his skin that doesn't seem right. Does he get rashes? What are those small faded marks on his skin? Slightly yellowish in tone, nearly blending in.

 

His eyes try to trail up to Harry chest, but stop on his torso, noticing a strange mark there. It goes from Harry's hip to his belly button.  
And with that he knows that is a scar. He has those.

 

So he frantically looks at every inch of skin that is shown. Spotting more and more scars and discolored skin on almost every inch of his body. Harry's arms are littered with small spots of raised skin, scar tissue, and round yellow spots on his wrists.  
Louis knows those are healing bruises. Has someone hurt him? Did this happen here? Did Liam cause those bruises that day? Because if these were formed before Harry had gotten here, they must have been fairly severe if it takes this long for them to fade away.

Louis pries his eyes away for a moment. His heart is in his throat as he thinks hard about what he is seeing.

 

"The jumpers. . " he whispers to himself, looking to the pile of clothes Harry had folded neatly on a bench.

 

"They do hide something. . " he thinks.

 

He truly isn't sure how to feel about this. Why doesn't Harry fucking defend himself? Why does he allow this shit to happen?

A lot of whys, and wheres, and hows.

 

And now he is raging until his thoughts are cut off with a breathy sigh breaking through the sound of water. He thinks maybe that was his sigh, but he quickly realizes that he was pretty much holding his breath this whole time. The hairs on his neck raise one again as he looks to Harry.

 

The boy is letting the water run down on him, eyes closed and mouth open. Enjoying the warmth and pressure of the jetted water hitting his back.  
This is the only time he's ever heard Harry do anything though. A lot of the time he couldn't even hear him breathing, thinking he was actually a ghost, or some sort of spirit there to haunt him. It's not a word, or truly even a sound. It's just a breath.  
That sound sends shivers down Louis' spine, and he'd never imagine that such a simple thing can have him pacing back to his cabin and aching in his pants.

He panics when he feels the twitch in his pants, He panics when he turns to walk away, he panics when he trips over that same fucking stump, and even panics as he's sitting against his cabin door, palming hard through his pants.

 

He couldn't wait. For some reason, being hard for that small amount of time has him desperate for friction, so desperate that he doesn't even have the time or energy to take his pants off or crawl into bed and actually enjoy it. Maybe because he's fucking pissed off. That Harry has the nerve to do that to him. To stand in the shower so openly baring his skin, those scars, his sadness. . . and his slack face, his wet hair sticking to his neck, his stomach rising and falling as water runs down his body. .

 

And so he comes hard in his pants, thoughts of the breathing and bruised Harry in his mind.

 

This is so fucked up.


	5. With Change Comes Danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh ho hohoho~

 

The night he saw Harry so openly has somewhat haunted Louis. It is always in the back of his mind, mocking him for what he had done. Not only was he peeping, but he wanked to the images like some pervert serial killer.

He can't even look at Harry anymore, not to laugh at him, or to even glance. The reason why is because the night after he had done the hideous act, Zayn had asked him why he was acting so weird. His words caught in his throat as he tried to answer, only blushing a dark shade of red after he had caught his breath.

Zayn had looked at him with his eyebrow quirked as Louis hid his face in the manliest of ways. Which wasn't so manly at all, shoving his face in his hands as he sighs.

"How do you suppose I'm acting so weird Zayn?" Louis says into his fingers, biting the nail of his pinky nervously.

"I don't know Lou, You've just been really quiet today. You didn't even laugh when that kid fell on his face today at the lake. . "

Oh, that's right. The lake.

Maybe he was quiet because when he sat down in the grass, he had scoped out Harry and found him sitting snuggly against a tree with his big ass jumper. A small feeling overcame him that made him just want to march up to Harry and hug him tightly against his body, whispering that everything would be okay. That small feeling grew and grew the longer he sat in the grass glacing over to him.

At one point Harry had fallen asleep. His head lolled to the side against the tree, and soft breaths pushing and pulling the air surrounding him. The sun was shining through the leaves onto him, slightly waving the shadows across his cheeks as the wind blew softly.

Louis noticed that he looks at peace. He has never looks so casual and comfortable awake. He thinks it's nice. Really.

Louis hadn't realized how obvious he was being. Nor did he honestly care. He was sitting maybe, fifteen or twenty feet from Harry. Just watching. Occasionally looking to the ground to pick at the grass. But his eyes always trailed back up.

After fifteen or so minutes of Harry's nap flying by, Louis noticed a group of boys. Two or three people at most. They were crouched, sneaking, and laughing. They were making their way to the tree Harry had so comfortably been sleeping against, silently sneaking around it to jump at Harry.

But before they could get much further, Harry was opening his eyes slowly and looking around. He turns his head and spots one of the boys in position on the side of the tree.  
Why were they trying to scare him? To hear something? To see some sort of emotion in his eyes? No one knows, but it pisses Louis off to no end. Interrupting his peace for their own amusement. What kind of person does that?

Oh right, Louis does that.

Nevertheless, he watches as Harry simply stares through one of the boys. Lazily showing that their little stunt wasn't going to happen right now.  
And so the boys had walked off, scoffing in Harry's direction. 'Biting their thumbs' , small insults towards him.

And what was that, Louis? Did I sense a hint of fond for a moment there? Yes. That was fond in Louis' eyes as he watched Harry simply pull himself up and walk away.

Maybe that's why Harry doesn't fight back. Maybe he just doesn't care anymore. .

That is why Louis is so quiet today, why Zayn had noticed his distant state of mind. It's Harry's entire being, pulling him in and sucking the life out of him without a single intention to do so. So, He's cutting off his supply of Harry. He refuses to look at the boy in fear of fonding, or blushing, or being so raged that he punches someone. But most of all, to avoid the state of mind he somehow manages to fall into when he looks at him.

Sadness, distance, fear. Those are horrible feelings, with horrible outcomes if you feel enough of it. Harry is the walking aura of those feelings. Negativity on legs.  
And yet Louis has to force himself to keep his eyes to himself.

 

~

 

Louis' 'Eyes to yourself' rule only lasted for that one day. Temptation sets in at night for him. Wondering if Harry is going to take a shower again, wondering if he is okay in the same room with Zayn.

Maybe he should keep is eyes to himself, but he's allowed to think, isn't he?

And so thinking he does, as he pulls out a cigarette and makes his way to the small set of steps outside of his cabin door.

He examines his surroundings, he silences his breathing. There are no lights on, there is no sound of a boy walking. And for some reason that makes Louis sad. Sad that he doesn't get to look at Harry again. To see him for what he is and not for what he shows. Even if Harry doesn't know he is showing himself to Louis, he is. And that doesn't make Louis upset, or mad. It makes him feel kind of creepy but he honestly can't help himself.

Harry could bleed sadness and pain for all he cares, that boy has a beautiful body. Regardless of the past that is imprinted in his skin, regardless of his blood shot eyes when he cries. Regardless of it all. He has a beautiful face. A face that he so wants to fawn over with his fingertips, and blow lightly against his cheeks with his breath. He wants to simply touch Harry as he sleeps calmly, trace his finger tips against his skin connecting the freckles, ruffle his hair and just. . touch. And feel. And touch some more. Is it so much to ask?

Is it really so much to ask for the boy he had been calling a freak, to allow such a private moment? Silently watching as he thoroughly cleans his body with care? Gently breathing into the steam and listening to the pitter patter of water droplets as if it were a song?

Yes Louis, it is too much to ask. As one cannot simply watch such a private thing. You would have to be involved in that situation. You would have to be with him, caressing his skin, and rinsing his hair. Making music with the air around you.

Louis gets that. He truly does get it. He knows he's turned into a fucking stalker. He's only watched once and even now the guilt is breaking out of his body and replacing itself with want, and fond. He doesn't feel so bad about it now though. The more he thinks about it, the more he feels as though it's okay for it to happen just one more time.

Which it does. He's finishing his cigarette in the complete and utter silence. When he hears the showers turn on. He hadn't even heard Harry coming, but he knows it's him. Who else showers at half past midnight? It had been two days since this had last happened and his heart is nearly jumping out of his chest.

As he puts the cigarette bud in his pocket (so the supervisors don't find them), he silently makes his way to the shower rooms again. Being sure not to trip over that god forsaken stump that had been treating him so badly.

When he makes it to the arch way, he spots the pile of clothes in the same place as last time. A thin red jumper is placed neatly on top of a loose pair of pajama pants. Mismatched socks sit on top, one black, one white. He then trails his eye to the stall Harry had picked some days before this one, and he wasn't there.

He in too deep to turn back now, so he tip toes further through the archway and spots a glimpse of milky skin. It's harder to see Harry from this angle, but he thinks this will work. Harry is facing towards him but he is keeping his eyes closed.

Maybe Harry lets himself drift into his thoughts when he showers, keeping his eyes closed the entire time?  
Louis hopes that's the case.

Turns out it's not. Harry opens his eyes as he looks down after rinsing his hair. Like he was snapped out of his peaceful thoughts with a slap.

He is suddenly gripping his hair, and squeezing his eyes shut tightly. He is grimacing, and holding his breath, and trying so , so hard not to cry.

Why can't he cry? He's alone right? He's in the shower, no one would see or know.

Harry is shaking his head almost violently back and forth. Gripping his hair tighter before running his fingers through it. He leans against the wall with a breath, and slowly slides himself down. He just sits there in the shower floor. Louis thinks that is kind of gross, but that doesn't matter. What is even happening right now?

He can't see anything aside from the top of Harry's head from behind that small wall.

He watches, and he watches, and he watches. Completely in awe for nearly an hour before Harry is throwing his arm up to shut the water off. And then he watches some more. It's nearly three in the morning before Louis makes it back to his cabin.

He feels distant, and sad, and lonely. Why had Harry snapped like that? Looking as if he wanted to pull his hair out?  
He's hurting inside, isn't he?

Louis falls asleep that night hugging tightly at his pillow. Trying so hard not to think about Harry silently breaking in his lonesome. He looked so lonely, so afraid, so hurt. What had caused that sudden change of atmosphere?

So many questions. So little Harry can do to answer them.

~

Louis makes a habit of smoking at half past midnight now. Some nights Harry shows up, some nights he sits and waits for nothing.  
Every night is almost the same. Watching Harry as he cleans himself, sometimes finding new scars on his body to bother himself over later. Watching his lips curl when soap runs down his face by accident, and even blushing when that one time he had gotten soap in his eyes, and desperately searched for the towel to wipe his wincing face.  
It's safe to say that Louis has a place in his life reserved for Harry. The boy doesn't even know of the things Louis is doing and thinking, and he'd like to keep it that way.  
He feels bad for thinking sometimes though. Feeling guilty of his doings, making up excuses for them to be okay.

"He's probably begging for someone to like him. He wouldn't mind if I did this stuff."

"No. no wait i don't like him."

"Do i?"

And then Louis is frowning to himself.

There are some nights after watching Harry when he comes back and is instantly putting his hand around himself, knocking himself out of breath with the touch before coming too soon.  
Other nights he is holding in a scream of rage for the unanswered questions he has swirling in his mind almost constantly now.

And then nights like these when he just wants to cry. He wants to curl up with someone, and just love and be loved. He wants to feel breathing in his arms, and the warmth of another snugged against his chest. So he hugs his pillow, breathing softly. Pretending it's Harry there rather than a sack of feathers.

Not even feathers can compare to the softness of Harry.

On this night, the night of loneliness for Louis, he had been watching Harry again. Nothing strange had happened this time, but he had this overwhelming feeling to make himself known. So he desperately decided to put a note on the wall there. Harry would find it when he comes out of the shower with his crisp skin and damp hair.

So he runs to his cabin, and quickly jots down a small set of words on a napkin he had used earlier.

He is nervous as he walks back, but breathes a sigh of relief when he notices Harry is still showering. So he quickly sticks the note on the wall. As he walked away he huffed a sigh of annoyance when the note just floated down into the floor. So he tries to put it up again, and again, and again. Until the water shuts off and he panics.

He finally scopes out a small crack in the wall, shoves the corner of the note in and runs off in hopes of it staying. On his way back he thinks maybe he will regret this, he trips on the stump again, and hits his elbow on the door as he runs and jumps into his bed, and covers his face with a heavy blush.

"What am I doing?" He says to himself, smiling into his pillow and wondering what Harry smells like.

But then his eyes crack open in distress, realizing he had written the worst possible thing on this note. Why did he even do it. Fuck. Everything is ruined.

"Why the scars?"

Why would he put that, of all things.

 

~

 

The very next night, just as he thought at half past midnight, Harry is walking. Louis is outside again leaned against the small wooden post on his steps, thinking hard about the mistake he had probably made.

He raises an eyebrow and watches intently as Harry doesn't go into the showers. He simply shoves a note into the same crack, and paces away.

"Okay. . " Louis says silently, swallowing his worry.

He waits for almost an hour because now Louis has become paranoid. What if now that Harry knows, this is a note to lure him? What if Harry is hidden in a fucking tree, just waiting to see who his stalker is?

Once the hour and half mark has passed, Louis' curiosity got the best of him. He hides behind trees on his way over, runs up as fast as he can, grabs the note, and straight up books it back to his cabin.

He anticipates the moment he allows the words on the paper to make sense. Making a big deal in his head about the way Harry writes, the way he crosses his T's, and dots his I's.

And now Louis is nearly ripping his hair out as he struggles to put a voice with those words.

"They have their story, now please leave me alone."


	6. Breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. . 
> 
> Trigger warning!
> 
> Scenes of death, sadness,loss,violence.
> 
> (I have somewhat fixed this chapter up a bit. Explained a bit more about the situations.)

  
Louis reads over the note hundreds of times that night. Thumbing at the words so neatly printed infront of him. The note didn't hurt him nor did it intimidate him. Harry asked to be left alone, and Louis simply isn't going to. He feels as though he needs Harry in his daily life, one way or another. Whether it be just watching him, or straight up insulting him to his face.  
He's going to look at Harry, and think of Harry. Hell, he wouldn't be able to stop even if he wanted to. Why? He doesn't fucking know, so don't ask.

  
Regardless of this new found interest Louis seems to have, it doesn't stop him from being somewhat of a bully. He did attempt to smile at Harry and make eye contact this morning. But was rewarded with Harry looking away as if it had never even taken place. That kind of hurts. Being ignored, then again. He deserves to be ignored. After the way he treats Harry regardless of the way he sees the boy.

  
Louis will still laugh along with the other's insulting him. He will still talk shit with others about him. And he feels terrible for that. Watching as Harry's face stays stern and careless as he does so. Occasionally Harry's eyes will look sad, but Louis' doesn't get to look for too long.

Today felt very off for Louis though. Something just didn't seem right. Like there was something inside of him breaking, and causing this overwhelming feeling of sickness. He felt like his stomach had butterflies, only they were eating him inside out. His bones were aching, and he felt like his body was threatening to shut down.

Nothing would shake the feeling, and it really bothered him as to why it was happening.

That is until those feelings were replaced with more rage than he has ever held. Walking into the dinner hall, he immeditaly notices something going on. A crowd of people forming in a far corner. The only sounds he could hear were the screams and chants from those surrounding the situation.  
He eyes the room, and there is no Harry in sight. The feeling inside of his gut grows stronger now as he walks closer to the crowd. He pushes and shoves people out of the way slowly at first, but then is becoming frantic as he catches a glimpse of Zayn, and the one and only Harry.  
He stops dead infront of them, just staring down.

  
Oh _hell no_.

  
Zayn is on top of Harry. Punching , hitting, and wailing on him as though Harry were a punching bag. The boy beneath him silent but in tears, holding his arms infront of his face in defense. You can already see that his upper right cheek was starting to swell, and yet you look at Zayn and see no sign of pain or being hit back.  
Harry's nose is bleeding quite badly, and his lip is popped open. Blood streams down his face and mixes with tears as Zayn continues to mumble terrible things to him as he hits.

  
"Do it again, You fuck-" Zayn says, stopping dead in his words with a punch.

  
"No. . " Louis whispers to himself, gripping Zayn's shirt and yanking him off of the boy with such force that he didn't even know he had.

  
Zayn keeps his eyes on Harry for a moment before glaring towards the direction of Louis. It takes him a moment to realize who he is, and is even more pissed as to why he would even give a shit about what he does to the kid.

  
"What the fuck Lou?!" Zayn screams, clinching his fists as he goes to kick Harry.

  
And now something in Louis is lit. He is fuming. Utterly pissed that he is doing this to Harry. What the fuck did he do to deserve this? You don't fucking hurt someone who is already in pain.  
Physically at least.

  
"He may be a freak, But he isn't fucking bothering anyone!" Louis shouts at Zayn, pushing him back and further from Harry.

  
And okay, maybe that wasn't the best way to defend the boy. But it was the only way Louis could do something without being fucking obvious.

  
He crouches down infront of him, blocking Zayn's view from the boy.

  
When Zayn lets another string of words spit from his lips. the hairs on Louis' neck raise, and he is ready to stand back up and fucking fight.

  
"His whole existence is a bother." He had mumbled to Louis, snickering slightly at the way Harry's legs were shaking.

  
As Louis was standing to walk towards Zayn, his attention is drawn by the sound of Harry pulling himself up. His eyes are wide and glassy as he runs out of the dinner hall, not looking back even once. Louis watches Harry leave with a hint of fear in his heart, looks back to Zayn, and back to the door, and then back to Zayn.

  
"Fuck you." Is all Louis says as he turns around quickly and is stomping out to find the bloodied boy.

 

~

 

"Where the fuck are the supervisors when you need them." Louis thinks, looking in every corner and empty cabin for him.

After a while he supposes Harry is in his own cabin, but why there? Zayn will probably be there soon enough, be there to insult him, hit him. . hurt him.  
Louis was right though. Harry had went back to his cabin. But with no intention of coming back again. His thoughts are frantic, and he can hardly take them one at a time. Every word his father had ever spit to him and Zayn's mixing together perfectly in his mind, urging him, telling him that he is worthless. That he is bothersome by breathing, by blinking, by living.

  
Harry is so ignorant. Raised to believe that he is worthless, almost religiously taught that one day he will understand and do something about it. He never fully knew what his father had meant by that. But as the days go by, it slowly becomes more clear.

  
Zayn had an obvious issue with Harry. He reminds him of his dad, and that really scares him. This was the only safe place for him. A place where he can stay without the worry of being a discolored and brain dead zombie. A place where his skin would heal enough so he can endure twice the pain when he goes back home. But now there is a fucking double of the man who controls and runs Harry's life. A much younger, and more attractive version. But that's even worse. Zayn having the ability to convert people to immediately hating him with his extreme amounts of charisma. Able to get away with hurting Harry so badly for finally trying to defend himself.

  
He want's to scream so bad, but he doesn't know how to create the sound. He wants to scream, and cry, and curse. But he can't. He wont. It wouldn't be right to let others hear him in a time of need, when he is utterly afraid, and in pain.

  
Nothing he does will ever be right, nothing will ever be okay. He knows this. But he's so fucking mad, and so sad. He's broken but jaded. And how is that even possible? Feeling so much pain but so little at the the same time. . .  
He truly thought no one would ever actually hit him here, yet here he is ripping his jumper to pieces and tying them together, smeared blood across his face and tears burning his eyes.  
What's the point?

  
Harry had always known this about himself, that this day would come. Maybe a bit sooner than he'd thought, but it's here. And he would be lying if he thought he wasn't relieved. Infact, for the first time in years he feels the need to smile. But he doesn't. His face is frozen in this small frown, with his eyes concentrating on tying the ripped jumper tightly. He has more important things to think about rather than smiling.  
Fuck smiling.

  
Small " _it'll be okays_ " circle his mind as he further prepares himself. Wiping his tears and cleaning his face in the small mirror. He splashes water on his face, he brushes his teeth, fixes his hair and then examines himself in the mirror.  
His cheeks are raw and red from the bruises and crying. His lip is swollen, still bleeding a bit, and his nose is tingling.

"I'm ready." He thinks.

 

~

 

Louis had taken a break from searching, calming himself with the pleasure of a smoke. He positions himself on the further side of his cabin this time, simply because people will soon be leaving the dinner hall. Pouring out across the grass, readily willing to either bum or taddle on him.

  
As people do finally begin to scatter out the door, he peeps around. Zayn is sitting on the stump he trips on a lot, eyeing around the near by trees for either Louis or Harry.

  
He will be damned if he lets another person touch Harry. He doesn't deserve this kind of treatment.

  
He really hopes Harry isn't in his cabin. He really does, because what would happen if Louis wasn't there to save him this time?

 

~

 

The sky is beginning to darken now, and everyone had returned to their cabins. Louis had decided to stay outside, just incase he hears a ruckus going on in the general area of Harry's cabin. However, he can't seem to think of a reason for why he still has this feeling building up inside of him. The darkness in the sky feels so eerie. So distant. There is something about the air that is just wrong tonight. He feels so unnerved as the people slowly call it a night. Going into the cabins and leaving him in silence.  
The wind is talking to him, telling him that something is wrong. But it wont seem to tell him just what it is. So he sits, paranoid and afraid.  
Something is keeping him outside. It's a gut feeling him, pulling him left and right as he paces. After nearly screaming because of the overwhelming feelings an hour later, Louis hears something.

He hears the small sound of feet shuffling. That kind of tells him that the sound isn't too close, so he follows it.  
It must be Harry, right?

Oh how he wishes he was wrong by the time he spots the boy. Pale, but bruised. Dried blood dotted on his chin as he walked further and further into the surrounding woods with his half opened ruck sack hitting against his back.

  
It's along side the lake, and if something didn't feel so wrong in the air Louis would be soothed by the water. But the wind is telling him to follow Harry and to not look back even for a moment. So he does. He continues to follow him, further and further until Harry is stopping and looking around with his brows stern.

  
They're in a distant part of the camp property. He can't see any of the lights from the cabins, and the only thing he can hear is the chirping of crickets as they sing their songs. Harry is very calm, staring at a certain green-leafed tree for a while before slinging his ruck-sack off his back.

  
Louis watches for a moment too long before he realizes what he may be about to witness.

  
Harry had scoped out the simple tree, a very beautiful tree it was. And gently pulled his make-shift rope out of his ruck-sack.  
Louis is frozen as he watches the full intent on Harry's face when he prepares the rope, and then himself. Stepping up onto the large root sticking out of the ground, and lifting his full weight on the rope to make sure it wouldn't snap.

  
Louis watches and watches with disbelief. No, it can't be this bad, can it? To the point to where Harry would do this? Of all things. . this? Why?

  
Harry is now wrapping the rope around his neck, tightening it nicely against his skin as he breathes in, out, in, out. And then he closes his eyes and counts to three.

Louis' vision goes blurry as he watches Harry take the step off of the stump without a sound. His legs become weak, his ears pop, and his face is burning as he continues to watch him silently control his struggle against the lack of oxygen, letting his life just fade away.  
Louis can't comprehend this. Is this a fucking dream?

  
This isn't real, it can't be real. But the moon is shining down so beautifully for a death to take place. Like this night was made for Harry to end it. But Louis doesn't want this, he doesn't want to see this, feel this, think this. He is selfish, and over the past week Harry has taken over his mind. He can't fucking do that. He can't just leave him. Harry is the selfish one. He can't.  
Louis begs for his legs to move, for his body to crack out of it's frozen state. His heart feels numb as Harry's face turns in color, from red to a slight blue.

  
Fucking _move._

  
And with that, adrenaline kicks in as he runs to Harry. Passing only two trees in the process as desperately grips at the boy. He holds Harry's waist tightly against himself, lifting him for air, but only feels the frail body twitch in his grip as a response.

  
Louis is hysterical now. Crying and lifting with all of his might for the boy to just _breathe._

  
"Please." Louis whimpers into Harry's stomach as he holds him up for as long as he can.  
"Please come down." He screams in anger, frantic, afraid, confused.

  
He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to do this, how to deal with this.

  
He has to get this rope off of him, he has to do something to get him down. Anything. So he lets Harry go. Hysterical as he watches the boy's air supply fade again. He scrambles onto the stump Harry had stepped from, and tries so hard to untie that fucking knot, stopping mid way to hold Harry tightly again.

  
"Please, hold on." He whispers, holding him up again.

  
He has to keep him alive.

  
And then finally, after three times of forcing himself to let go, the knot is broken and the boy is falling on top of him. Louis just lays there on the ground, the deadweight on top of his body numbing him from the inside out.

  
He holds him close,and rocks him slightly in his arms as he refuses to let the images of Harry's limp body cross his mind.

  
Yeah, he may have imagined Harry in his arms at one point. But he never wanted it to be like this.

  
And then Louis is screaming, practically bawling his entire being when Harry takes a weak breath.

  
Louis fears that if he holds him any tighter Harry _will_ die.

 

~

  
They fall asleep like that. Harry still unconscious, but breathing.  
Louis stays awake for a long time though, watching over the boy slumped against him. Watching several more bruises appear on his body.  
His neck is welted, and already turning purple. So Louis' carresses the bruises, and so badly wants to kiss them, and make them better, and make Harry better. . and kiss Harry.

He watches Harry silently until the sun comes up, and then he falls asleep. There in a death scene, surrounded by the trees that line the lake, half on a patch of grass, half on the dirt. And he feels so broken.

  
Falling asleep with a boy who may not wake again wasn't something Louis had planned for.


	7. Sadness Spreads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im such a shit writer, I'm so sorry.

  

  
Louis didn't sleep much. He woke up around two that afternoon with an aching back and weight on his chest. The sun is shining brightly in his face, and the cold air was now warm. He suddenly recalls what exactly had happened the night before the moment he comprehends that he is outside.

  
There is a boy snugged against his chest,sleeping soundly but weakly. His neck had gotten even worse, and there is no way in hell that this could be explained without Harry just wearing scarves over his jumpers.   
He wonders for a moment if Harry even knows he is alive, if he knows that Louis is holding him as he sleeps. He wonders if Harry would be upset, or disgusted. But then again does he really care? No.

  
There was something in the fucking air yesterday. Something pulling him in to Harry, like he was meant to save him from himself. He was meant to be the person Harry is soundly sleeping against. He wants to be that person, but he doesn't feel like he fully knows how. Harry doesn't even fully know Louis' situation. Why he had been following him, why he had defended him so rudely. . He would find out about the showers, and the fonding, and how those quick glances were weighed heavy with emotion that Louis couldn't release.

  
For some reason, Louis wants to be with Harry so bad right now. He wants to hold him forever, and protect him from the evil in the world. Even if at one point, he had been the evil himself. .

 

~

 

Louis lies there awake for forty five minutes before Harry stirs. He simply grips his hand on Louis' T-shirt and rubs his face into the material. But Harry winces in pain. His entire face is aching, his body is aching, he--  _oh._

  
"I'm still alive." He thinks coldly, halting his movements when he realizes he is holding onto someone. Halting his thoughts as he realizes his half knotted rope is still hanging in the tree. . Realizing why it is his neck hurts so bad.

  
 _Oh fuck._

  
He dares to look up, so afraid of what he'll see. And when he does, all Louis does is move a curl from his eyes, and whisper a small "hi ".  
Harry's eyes go wide as he yanks himself up without thinking, pacing away immediately. That was dumb. That was a silly and stupid decision. Only after two steps his head feels fuzzy, and he hits the ground.

  
Louis jumps up with worry, shaking him frantically and calling his name.No response. But he is breathing, so that's enough to calm Louis.

"Fuck, I scared him. ." Louis thinks, mentally smashing his head into a wall as he wonders what to do with a fainted Harry.

  
Well, what else can he do? He can't leave him here, He would never. He refuses to take him to his bunk. So why not sneak him into his own cabin? It's not too hard to go around the entire camp hidden behind trees.

And so Louis does, Harry's ruck-sack on his back and arms shaking under the dead weight of Harry's fainted and loose limbs in his arms. He stumbles about trying to see where his feet are stepping the entire way, watching closely to keep from falling.

  
He makes it with out a scratch, kicking the door open and gently lying Harry on his bed.  
He's still out.

 

~

 

Louis watches Harry for the majority of the day, last night playing in his head on a loop.   
He does attempt to doctor Harry's scrapes from both of his falls, gently dabbing his arms with a damp flannel after carressing them. He thinks hard at the way he is touching Harry. Thinking that by touching him, he can maybe make some of Harry's sadness seep into his own skin in hopes of relieving him from it for even a small moment. He feels like Harry has fucked him up beyond repair, turning his careless attitude into something he's never truly felt.

  
 _Fear._

  
Once the flannel had gone cold, he simply touches his neck. Feeling the swell under his fingertips bring the reality back to him. The fact that this boy had attempted to end it all. Taking place right infront of him. There is no way Zayn's simple words had made him do this. There is something else going on in Harry's head. . Something is so wrong, and he wants to fix it.

  
Louis has never truly put anyone before himself before, but he's never felt so sure of himself. So sure that Harry needs saving, he needs someone. Moments from the past are flashing through his head now. How Harry doesn't speak, how he had simply walked away from him many years ago without tasting the ice pop. . the faded wounds on his body. It's all making sense, and he feels like such a piece of shit. How could he have treated Harry the way he did? How could he have not seen it?

  
If he hadn't known sooner, this boy would be gone. And he hates to think of the fact that it never would have phased him. If he had never watched Harry the way he did, he wouldn't have been able to save him.   
That is so scary.

  
But that doesn't matter. Harry is here right now, breathing infront of Louis. His body mass is there, weighing down his bed. And he is here because of Louis. It hurts to think that no one else could have done this. No one else would have done this.

  
Thank whatever power above that the wind spoke to him in that dreadful moment. Like the earth wasn't ready for Harry to leave. Like there was a connection between the two, and it wasn't ready to put Harry into a garden to finally be free. The night was perfect for death. The moon setting itself up to watch Harry. To soak up his last breath and send it across the globe, where people would breathe in the sadness and not know why they had suddenly felt like crying.

  
Louis holds in his tears this time, pulling his fingers away from Harry's neck and intensely watching the way his breath flows evenly out of his lips.

  
 _His lips._

  
Half parted, pink and slightly swollen. There is a tear there, but Louis doesn't mind as he runs his fingers across the forming scab.  
Such a pretty boy. .   
And now Louis is leaning down, lightly breathing onto Harry's lips before pressing down. Kissing the unconscious boy for the first time.

He falls asleep with blushing lips, All of his blood rushing there to get a small piece of Harry. His body feels like it needs him.

 

~

 

Louis had let himself drift back to sleep. Not wanting to startle Harry again, he weakly slips himself into the floor, and falls asleep with his back against the bunk. Head lolled to the side against the mattress.

  
Louis is exhausted. He just needs to sleep.

  
He soon regrets that though, when he is suddenly pulled from his sleep with the feeling of emptiness. Opening his eyes to see that Harry was gone.

  
He panics.  _No, no no._

  
The fact that Harry isn't here, and there is no where else for him to exactly go worries the fuck out of him. His first thought is that Harry is running off by himself to succeed in offing himself this time. Knowing that Louis is sleeping soundly and wont be there to stop him. After that thought ran through his mind, Louis didn't exactly let any other thoughts process.

  
He simply jumps up, and is frantically running out of his cabin, not even worrying about shoes. His ignores the ache in his feet as he steps on rocks, and twigs. The ache in his heart is what he is worried about. Barging into cabin after cabin looking for the possible dead Harry.  
He searches the near-by woods, scopes the lake, checks in the showers. No Harry.

  
So without a doubt, he makes his way to the Dinner Hall. He had slept all day, and Dinner was already almost over, but he runs in regardless. Ignoring the fact that he suddenly sees everyone differently. He makes quick eye contact with Zayn as he continues to scope for a supervisor. He needs help. He needs to fi-

  
His eyes slowly trail back to Zayn, who was mid walking when he had glanced at him the moment before. His eyes follow the path of where

Zayn is walking, and there he is.

  
There is Harry. Hands shaking as he looks onto his tray and attempts to eat an orange slice.

  
Louis watches him jump when Zayn swipes his entire tray in the floor and leans down, not even two inches away from his face.

  
Louis can't quite make out what Zayn is saying, his ears have popped due to the fact that his mind is filled with so much anger. Now pacing up to him in a desperate attempt to get Zayn the fuck away from Harry.

  
Small bits of his words do break through the barrier.

  
"Did you fucking talk?"

  
"Did you tell someone?!"

  
Louis takes note as he sees Liam standing awkwardly behind Zayn, saying something but being ignored by literally everyone.

He just simply walks up to Zayn and taps on his shoulder. When Zayn looks up to Louis, before any words could come out He is punching him dead in the face and leaning in.

  
"I will  _end_  you."

  
He ignores the look on Zayn's face after that.

Now that he is taken care of, he grabs Harry's wrist and pulls him out of the dinner hall. Trying to ignore the fact that he had most likely bruised that fragile skin with the grip. He promised himself that he will apologize later for that, but right now his adrenaline rush is going strong.

  
Now knowing that Harry isn't gone, but still feeling the scare from just moments ago. The rush of punching someone for hurting Harry, and the rush of finally knowing he is okay. It's all swirling in his mind, making him frantic and driving him mad.

  
He needs to do something, he needs to calm down. He is gripping Harry too hard, and walking too fast. His face is on fire and his mind is racing.

  
Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

  
He swings open his cabin door and slams it shut behind him, still frantic and beginning to shake.

  
Harry is silent behind him, But he is looking at Louis with those eyes.  
Louis only shakes his head and stomps up to Harry, grabbing his face in his hands and speaking into his lips.

  
"Never,  _ever_  do this to me again." He growls before kissing him hard.   
He backs Harry against the door with his legs, pressing his hips against the boy's and breathing hard into the kiss.

  
He doesn't know what he's doing.

  
Why is he suddenly crying against Harry?

  
He kisses, and he grinds, and he kisses some more.   
He kisses his lips, tasting a small amount of blood. He kisses his jaw, and his bruised neck. He kisses his forehead, and then his lips again. The adrenaline runs straight to his dick as he kisses. Crying and breathing Harry in. Breathing as much as he can possibly breath in. Harry is here, Harry is still alive. Zayn didn't get the chance to touch him. Harry. Harry. Harry.

  
And then he's rutting harder against him as he kisses. Feeling the friction and crying along with his frantic moans of release to get this feeling out of him.

  
Harry weakly fights back with his arms, but Louis holds them against door frame as he continues.

  
This is a bad thing, isn't it? That's what Louis thinks until he realizes that Harry's hands may be clawing at his wrists for freedom, but he isn't turning away from the kisses. His hips are meeting with Louis' staying pressed forward for him to grind against as he pleases.

  
So it's okay, right?

  
What Louis doesn't know is that Harry is familiar with this kind of treatment. He knows he is supposed to just take it whether he wants it or not. . but he is slightly confused on whether he even wants this or not. Louis isn't ripping his clothes off, he isn't slapping at Harry, and most of all. . Why is he crying as he does this?

  
 _Why is he crying? Why is he kissing me? Why doesn't this hurt? Why is my face hot?_

  
Louis notices the blush across Harry's cheeks. The simple color outshining the bruises and showing Louis that it is okay. That Harry has his reasons for fighting, but he also has his reasons for staying.   
Before he could will himself to slow down to let Harry enjoy it, he is releasing in his pants with a hard rut against him. His legs go weak as he releases, and he simply falls to his knees and hugs Harry's waist tightly.  
Crying into his hip, repeating himself over and over again until he has Harry thinking hard.

  
 _"Please don't scare me like that. . ._ "

  
Harry doesn't understand why he is acting this way. What did he do to scare Louis so much?

  
What is happening.

Harry simply steps out of Louis' broken grip after that, walks to Louis' bunk, and lays down.

  
Louis sleeps in the floor that night grasping Harry's hand as he lazily threw it over the side of the bed.

He has never felt so completely and utterly consumed with a person, with the smallest of a touch sending warm sadness throughout his entire body as if it were vodka. Only the burn doesn't fade. He likes it that way.


	8. Such A Mess This Boy Has Made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Augh, Im so sorry for my shitty writing.  
> This is all a part of getting better though, right?  
> Feedback would be so so appreciated.  
> ALSO, I'm really sorry for the typos. Ill fix them as soon as I can!

 

 

 

Louis woke up alone again that morning with dread weighing heavy on his heart. Harry hadn't looked at him in days after that. Walking quicker when Louis was near, turning around and pacing away when he was walking towards his direction.

  
Louis would be lying if he said this didnt hurt. In fact it hurts a lot. He feels empty. He feels a knife stab his chest each time he looks at the boy. He is completely broken, and the feeling just doesn't fade. He knows it will never fade for as long as Harry avoids his existence.

  
 _I fucking exist. I do._

  
_Don't I?_

  
Harry just goes back to his own bunk at night now, avoiding Zayn as much as possible during the day to keep him from blowing up on him at night. He's lucky most nights because Liam sneaks in a lot and keeps him occupied. But other nights he isn't so lucky. Enduring the bullying and sometimes even being hit. Especially now since Zayn thinks Harry had actually outed Liam. Which is completely stupid.

  
Then again, Zayn doesn't exactly know Harry. He knows he doesn't talk, but he doesn't realize that he just never really has. He doesn't intend to do it anytime soon either. So why would he honestly feel like he is important enough , that Liam mattered so much in Harry's life that he would feel the need to out him? For revenge? No. Revenge is dumb. He just wants to be left alone. He doesn't want to be hit anymore, or insulted.

  
He just wants to be alone. . At least kind of? He's always wanted to be alone, but sometimes he kind of thinks he doesn't want to be so alone. He doesn't exactly want it to be just anyone beside him though. He wants it to be  _him_.

  
He can't bare to think of Louis right now. His heart races when he thinks about him and it's frightening the way he feels like his heart will burst into pieces. He's often been thinking himself into a stupor of anxiety caused by Louis. His long time bully. That Louis, the one who had glared at him, and scoffed at him, laughed at him, saved him, and kissed him.   
It's like he's running through his veins causing distruction in his heart and moving his thoughts into the wrong areas of his brain. Louis is inside of him, changing him, hurting him, making him feel wrong, and dirty, but so good, and warm. It's exhausting. Everything is exhausting. Louis is exhausting.

  
The entirety of the past five days have run Harry down so much, to the point to where he feels like he could sleep for days and wake up still exhausted. He needs a break from all of this. But he knows he isn't the type of person to have a break. He has to endure all of the confusion and pain at once. Sometimes that's a good thing, dealing with it and getting it out of the way. Other times it hurts so bad he can barely breathe.

  
But he really does try to deal with it in the best way he can. He knows he doesn't have to avoid Louis, or ignore him. Oh, but he does. Because he's Louis. He isn't clean, he isn't here to help Harry. He's here to pity him and Harry doesn't want nor deserve his pity. It's so natural for him to lose every single tiny thing that could cause happiness, so why is this any different? He might as well cut Louis off now before it gets worse, right?

  
He tries to his best ability to make it through each day without thinking about Louis saving him, and holding him so closely. About him being saved, and doctored. About behind kissed and gripped, and watched over.

  
No one has ever done this for him, and he doesn't quite understand why it's suddenly happening now. Why is someone paying attention to him? Why is someone being nice, and looking at him without hate in their eyes?

  
He wants to know so badly, but he will never ask. Because this wont last. The feeling of confusion and frustration. He doesn't even know if those words fully explain how he is feeling. He tries to compare it to love, and to happiness. But it doesn't fit the puzzle very snuggy.

  
So he settles with the simple feeling of confusion.

  
Louis acts like he cares, and Harry doesn't want that. Because it's ruining his plans, and fucking with his head. He just wishes it would stop.

  
He also wishes he would stop missing the presense of Louis near him. That small part in his heart slowly growing bigger and bigger the further he is from the bully.

  
 _He and I would never work._

  
Harry forces that into his head, and lets it stick there. But his brain fights it. Pushes the words around , scrambles them, changes the message into something that makes Harry miss Louis. Makes him want to run up to him and embrace him in a hug. To sneak into his cabin and just sleep in his aura and feel his warmth. He wants it so bad.

  
He even felt the warmth as he lay barely breathing on the ground that night. He felt as though the warm aura had pulled him out of his state of death. The cold air growing warmer and more comfortable. Which led to him gripping the source of that warmth and burying his face into it. Weakly wishing that this warm comfort would stay by him forever. That was when he realized it was none other than Louis.

  
Harry doesn't look at Louis now. Or atleast, he doesn't look when he feels like it's dangerous. He sometimes lets his eyes wander to the boy who is always sitting by himself with a disgusted look on his face.

  
He catches a glimpse of him in the dinner hall. He watches him as he coldy ignores Zayn , who had been trying to speak with him that day.  
He watches him through his window when he's alone at night sometimes. Only barely able to make out the small outline against his cabin, not even caring about hiding. He can see the little red burning in the air. He sees the way Louis flicks his cigarette and how the small burning ashes flow off into the wind.

  
Only catching glimpses a few times, he has noticed a change in Louis. He is more withdrawn. He wanders around by himself a lot now, with a face looking as if he is thinking too hard for his own good.  
He misses his warmth. He really does.

  
And so Harry decides to do something stupid. He's known Louis was the shower stalker since after the night he had been saved. Apparently Louis is the only one awake and happens to always be outside around the times Harry has stuff to do.

  
So he writes down on a simple note three words. He feels stupid, and confused, and he's going against his brain in doing this.

 

  
~

 

Louis goes days feeling exhausted and mentally drained. He feels that Harry had taken his sanity with him when he left that morning. His sanity, and every emotion he had ever felt. His happiness, his sadness, anger, and love. All he is left with now is a shell.

  
He's smoking too much, trying so hard to occupy himself. He tries to keep his mind off of the boy who he so often sees but never gets to touch. He tries to write, draw, sing, scream, punch, kick, cry, smoke, and smoke, and smoke, and smoke. Smoking until he is coughing up his lungs, crying until his throat is raw and scratchy.

  
 _He is so empty._

  
He's never felt like he's needed something or someone so much. He needs to be near him, he needs to feel his body infront of him, and make sure he is okay. To make sure he is breathing.

After a while Louis feels like a simple ghost, wandering around the camp filled with disgusting smiles. Smiles of people who have no idea of the pain he is feeling. He doubts they would even care. Usually speaking about problems mean very little to another unless they are directly involved. But a part of him wants to scream his pain to anyone who would listen. He settles with ignoring people though. Urging them to be curious but not giving them the pleasure of knowing his pain.

  
He ignores girls who try to speak to him, he doesn't go to the dinner hall, his music hasn't been played in a week, and in all honesty. . He kind of wishes he could just throw himself off a bridge rather than to feel like this.

  
He wonders for a brief moment if Harry thinks about him.

  
 _Probably not._

  
That leaves Louis in childish tears, throwing tantrums in his cabin at night. Not fully able to sleep in his own bunk anymore. Harry has marked it as his since the night Louis had gently laid him there. He doesn't want to cover Harry's sense here, he needs it to be here. Louis also refuses to touch anything Harry has touched. He doesn't want to taint it. He wants the sadness that has overcome his things to follow him at night, and weigh heavy on his mind to let him know how much of a fuck up he truly is.

  
He thinks maybe Harry's sadness really did seep into his skin that night. If this is how Harry feels constantly. . He could understand fully why he'd attempt to put it all to an end.

  
Louis thinks he has cried more in the past week than he has in his entire life, and he honestly just doesn't fucking care anymore. He'll cry if he needs it. He'll cry infront of he world even. Anything to make them leave Harry alone, anything to make Harry know he misses him, that he actually cares. Anything to get rid of these feelings.

  
There is nothing he can fucking do about this. Only Harry can make him warm again. For now he will remain cold.

~

Louis is going outside now to smoke his tenth cigarette in an hour. Everything but nothing in his mind at the same time. He just stares off, dazed as he puffs his cigarette lightly.

  
He feels no need to look around, or listen for anyone. No one will be there. Why would anyone come for him? Talk to him? Look for him?  
But then he actually hears shuffling. A familiar sound to him, one that only he hears. One that he shares with the boy that haunts him.   
He looks at his clock and it's one o'clock in the morning, and now his eyes are frantic to search for the sound.

  
He tip toes to a tree and looks around it , seeing Harry walking slowly towards the shower rooms. He doesn't have anything with him, so that's a relief. Harry isn't going to drown himself, or hurt himself in anyway. He's just simply tip toeing into the arch way and attempting to place a note into the crack.

  
Louis' heart stops. He can't breathe. Harry is leaving a note there for him, which means he knows that he was the one who had watched him from before. Either than or Harry is looking for his stalker to comfort him.   
Suddenly he doesn't care. Harry is writing something for him, which means he has been thinking about him. Thinking enough to speak out through written words. Louis doesn't want to wait to see it. He needs that note right now. He needs to yell at Harry for acting as if he didn't exist. He needs to scream at himself.

  
Why the fuck is Harry allowed to do this? Causing Louis so much pain and coming to him when he is good and ready? No. He's been aching for anything related to Harry. He needs Harry, yet he didn't get him. Why? Because he didn't want Louis in return. And now he suddenly wants to write a fucking note for him?

  
Louis has anger issues, he should get those fixed.

Before Harry could even adjust the note to get it to stay, Louis is making himself known with stomps towards him. Ripping the note out of his hand and glaring. He simply looks down to the words before breaking.

  
 _"I miss you"_

  
And now Louis is looking up at the boy, who had been startled by his sudden appearence.He looks at the paper again, and goes to say something but just bites his tongue. He simply shoves the note into his pocket for safe keeping, and cups Harry's face.

  
"Can I kiss you?" Louis whispers seriously. Realizing that all of his anger had drained out of his mind the moment he read those words. Harry just looks at him, doesn't nod yes or no.

  
So he does. He kisses Harry frantically, touching his nearly healed neck, gripping the small hairs by his ear. Tasting him again, feeling him again.  
And oh, Louis is so high.

  
"Please, know I exist. ." Louis whispers against Harry's neck as he kisses there.

  
He is soon kissing his jaw, and his cheek, and his nose, and then his lips again. It isn't an open mouth kiss, and he isn't forcing Harry's lips open like he had done so many nights ago.

  
His arms weren't pinned to the wall, Louis wasn't frantically grinding against him. He's just kissing him. And Harry doesn't know how to respond to this. So he slightly opens his mouth because that's what Louis was doing, and the kiss deepens. Louis teaches him small techniques as he touches Harry's tongue with his own, trying not to smile into the kiss as he feels the first flick of Harry's tongue. After that Harry had pulled back and looked very sorry to Louis. Like he had done something wrong, like Louis would be so so angry at him for doing that.

  
"It's  _okay._  ." Louis whispers, before leaning in and kissing him again.

Harry relaxes into it this time. He keeps his mind aware of the situation and doesn't allow himself to get lost in Louis, but he still relaxes. He kisses back, which is weird because he's never kissed someone back before. He thinks it's much nicer this way.

Harry can't really ignore the strange feeling in his body right now, he can't ignore that when Louis bumps against his leg he wants to scream and cry out that he feels so good against him.

  
He doesn't understand. Being hard has never been a good thing. But why isn't he aching as Louis walks him further into the showers, and sits him on the bench before straddling him gently? Why isn't he aching when Louis' hands wander far past Harry's set comfort zone? Or when Louis is palming him through his pants, and intent on kissing him forever?

  
Because this situation isn't forced. Harry wants this as much as Louis does. They're both scared, and confused. They're on the same level as they messily kiss each other, trying to show how much they want this with their hands.

  
Harry is very reluctent to touch Louis at first, All he does is will himself to touch Louis' face as he kisses. And  _oh-_

  
That would have been bad.

  
Louis slips his hands beneath the lining of Harry's pants, touching the skin there. Harry nearly made a sound. That would have been so so  _so_  bad.

  
And then Louis touches the skin again, grips him, tugs him, rubs, taps, and caresses him.

  
This is very very bad.  _Why_  does this feel so good?

  
Harry feels like he's going to fucking explode. Like he needs to shove something in his mouth to keep from making a sound. Why are sounds trying to push out of his throat? Why does he feel warm. Jesus.

  
Louis notices how Harry had stopped kissing him back, his eyes are hooded as he watches Louis' hand in his pants. His bottom lip quivering along with the grip he has in Louis' hair.

  
How did his hand get there?

  
Louis is just really happy, and really hot. He is touching Harry, feeling Harry, tasting him.

  
The feeling of Harry's fingers in his hair sends tingles down his spine as he ruts himself against Harry's leg for the smallest amount of friction. He does that once or twice before going to kiss at Harry's neck again. Lightly blowing and gently kissing as to keep the pain away.

  
He's still gently touching Harry, sometimes cracking an eye open to watch the way Harry furrows his brows at the feeling. The way his arms shake against his hair, and the way his leg twitches when Louis thumbs at his slit.

  
But then Harry is swallowing hard and his legs are twitching as he is frantic to grasp onto reality. Louis keeps touching him, and kissing him so gently. Harry's body is tingling and screaming. He's fighting to keep the sounds from escaping but he is so. . so close to losing the battle.  
Louis is achingly hard against Harry's leg, focusing on the weight in his hand before himself, willing Harry to come. Begging for him to come. Wanting to see his release and imprint it into his memory.

  
He whispers encouraging things to Harry. Gentle things, frail words that no one would ever truly understand if it weren't him.

  
They're not his fathers words. Not threats, not telling him to keep his mouth silenced. So he thinks maybe. . it's okay.

  
The moment Harry lets himself get lost in Louis, he comes. Intensely. Without realizing that during that release a small moan had slipped from his lips.

  
That threw Louis off as his body immediately seized up and he came completely untouched against Harry. Whimpering and pining for that sound one more time.

_Look at the mess you have made of me. ._


	9. He's Not Frightened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry if this is utterly horrid and terrible. :c If i’ve missed any typos feel free to let me know~!
> 
> Don’t hate me!

 

 

Okay yeah, that was intense. Not expecting to ever hear Harry but then hearing the smallest of a sound slip from those pink lips. A sound Louis never thought he would hear. He especially didn’t think he would be the cause of the sound.

  
It broke the silence then, and it continues to break the silence for him. Echoing in his mind over and over again, making him want to grip Harry tightly and beg for more.

  
He holds onto that sound. The sound of Harry feeling good and not hurting. The sound of Harry. Just _Harry._

  
He still hasn’t heard him speak, but that was enough for him that night. Hearing it had caused his climax. He hadn’t asked for it, nor did he expect it. Harry didn’t even realize that he had made Louis come harder than he’d ever had the privilege to.

  
Harry knows it’s partly his job to make people hit their high. But it’s never happened that way. Usually the person just uses him, holds him down even as he is wincing in pain , and struggling against the burn. They shove things into him that hurt for their own pleasure and amusement. Yet Louis hadn’t asked for that, or even touched him as if that was his plan. Louis’ breath didn’t stain the air with his moans, his face looked beautiful as it hit him so suddenly. Rather than disgusting and distorted. A mix of shock, and pure pleasure would be how Harry would explain Louis’ high.

  
He simply shook on top of Harry as he came, and he watched him confused for a moment. He watched Louis nearly smash his head into his own as he came. His arms shaking, his thighs squeezing around Harry. All because of that sound.

  
Harry regrets making the sound regardless, fearing for himself if his father found out. Hell, if his father found out about any of this he would surely be locked in the basement for a month this time. He would only be fed when he begged if he was lucky, otherwise only fed if he pleasures his father well enough.

Louis and Harry had fallen asleep together that night. Louis holding his hand gently as he led him to his cabin. Their arms brushed against one another as they made their way trying to beat the sun that was threatening to rise. He lets Harry walk up the steps first, and opens the door for him before letting go of his hand. Harry immediately felt relieved. This is a safe place. That’s all he wants right now.

  
Louis is safe, this bed is safe. He is safe.

  
So he quietly crawls into Louis’ bed.

  
"Hey. ." Louis speaks with a soft voice.

  
"Those clothes are going to be uncomfortable. . wear this." He adds, tossing the boy one of his T-shirts and a pair of loose pajama pants.

  
Harry nods at him, but is reluctant to change there in front of Louis.

  
"I’ll turn around, yeah?" Louis says to him. Wanting so badly to see those scars again, and just touch them, kiss them, make them better.

  
Harry had fully trusted Louis when he said he would turn around. He changed with no problem, breathing in the smell of him and feeling a strange stretch on his face. Harry had slightly smiled as the shirt swayed over his skin, tickling a bit.

  
_Fucking smiled._

  
Louis was still turned around by the time he was finished, and Harry just stood there and looked at him. Watched the way he was biting his fingernail, the way he swayed back and forth, the way he tapped his foot on the floor. Harry mentally snickered at that.

  
He quietly walks towards Louis and taps his shoulder causing him to jump. He turns around quickly and refrains from grabbing his heart as he sees the boy. The shirt is loose on him, the pants covering most of his feet. Just small toes poking out as he stands there silently. He is blushing, and Louis really just wants to scream to the world that this boy is absolutely fucking adorable.

  
After a few moments of just staring, Louis realizes that he’s making it a bit awkward. So he pulls Harry to his bed, and lays with him in the silence. He had completely ignored his pillow that was shown so much attention before this, holding Harry in his grip instead. Kissing his forehead and his neck lazily as the lay in the silence.

  
Harry willingly clinged to Louis, sleepy eyes slowly falling as his breath evens out. Those shallow breaths sing Louis to sleep with the warmth of Harry surrounding him. And for once they had slept in comfort and in warmth.

  
Harry has never been religious, but he does pray that this stays forever.

~

Through out the next few days, Harry and Louis had made secret trips back and forth to their cabins to bring Harry’s small amount of things. It would have been done in one trip if Harry hadn’t forgotten one of his jumpers. He cries when he realizes he’s forgotten. He knows Zayn was already back by then, but Louis walks towards the cabin regardless. Preparing to protect him, and knock Zayn the fuck out if he needs to.  
Zayn only stands as the door opens and Harry walks through with Louis protectively holding his hand.

  
"Oh. . this is too fucking good." Zayn teases, shaking his head in a laugh.

  
"Go then, I don’t even want him here." He adds, making Louis glare hard before snatching Harry’s jumper and simply walking out with him.

  
"We’re not gonna go near Zayn anymore, yeah?" Louis says to him, cupping Harry’s face and nodding his head as he does so.

Harry nods back, biting his lip as he grips his jumper.

  
That’s a relief. Harry doesn’t want to be near Zayn. He had been hit by him too many times. He knew from the beginning really, that he would be the one to break that small line between mental and physical abuse. He just fucking knew it.

  
He hadn’t sensed the other thing though. How through the bullying Louis had found him. And Harry thinks that he would go through many more days of bullying just to get Louis to hold him for one more night.

  
What he doesn’t get is that Louis would willingly do that as long as Harry is there to hold. Lying heavy against him with soft lips, and a fluttering heart. Oh the butterflies he feels when Harry is there, he thinks maybe Harry feels it too.

  
Then again, what if Harry feels nothing? Just using Louis to be protected while he is here?

  
And now Louis is thinking about Harry’s voice. The voice that he hasn’t fully heard. The voice he wants to match with Harry’s lips so bad. He just wants him to say something.  _Anything._

  
And so as they lay in bed that night, Harry half flopped on Louis in an extremely embarrassing manner, Louis just lies there zoned out. Thinking so so hard about everything.

  
About how much of a dick he is, about Harry. How he cries, how he kisses, how he comes, and hurts, and sleeps, and moves. From the way he wakes up to the way he runs his fingers through his hair at night. And then he’s thinking about how Harry may actually feel.

  
The way he had panicked for that split second after he’d realized he let a slight moan slip. Telling him that he can let sound slip, he just doesnt . The way his eyes were frantic as he was still coming down from his high. The way Louis had watched him so closely after waking up that morning. His lips sealed shut with every intent on keeping it that way.

  
But  _why_?

  
What is the true reason behind those silenced lips?

  
He’s thinking too hard, lying there as his leg goes numb under Harry’s weight.

  
It’s a cute scene really, and Harry would probably panic if he could see himself. But Louis doesn’t mind. He likes the loose and lazy limbs as the fit comfortably against his own body.

  
So they’re lying there soundly, comfortable, warm. Harry had been asleep for at least an hour, and Louis was finally drifting when it happened. Harry had jumped out of his sleep with a rough grip to Louis’ arm, and immediate tears streaming down his face.

  
Louis is startled as he jumps with him, immediately cradling him like a baby and soothing him with shushes. He lightly brushes his lips to Harry’s cheek and hairline as he soothes, not quite knowing what is going on.

  
He pets his hair, and carresses his face as he tries to calm the boy. Harry is slightly fighting it. Pushing Louis’ hands away, trying to squirm out of his grip but eventually giving up when he realizes that Louis isn’t going anywhere.

  
"What’s wrong?" Louis whispers into Harry’s temple once he had stopped fighting.

  
Harry says nothing, he just shakes his head violently, avoiding eye contact and shoving the palms of his hands in his eyes as he bites hard on his lip.

  
_Stop crying. stop crying. stop crying._

  
Louis is worried now, begging for an answer. Hand written , whispered, anything. He needs to know what is happening.

  
_Wait._

  
"Did you have a nightmare?" Louis whispers after finally putting the pieces together.

  
That word sets off a fire in Harry’s brain. He was trying to hold back his tears but that word had just unlocked the flood gates and now he is crying, and gasping, and shaking his head, and nodding even harder. And then he looks at Louis and just …  _he can’t breathe_.

  
"Harry?!" Louis panics. How could a nightmare fuck him up this bad? The boy is shaking and hardly breathing in his grip. He’s distant and Louis isn’t even sure if Harry can hear him.

  
"He—hey. Calm down, calm down. ." Louis says nervously. Touching his hand, hugging him tightly, kissing his forehead, and his hair in an attempt to bring Harry back. He tries to show him that he really is still here. He needs to know what’s going on.

"Please tell me what’s happening!" Louis raises his voice as Harry slumps .

  
Harry’s nose was now bleeding as he suddenly went into shock and just went limp in Louis’ arms.

  
Louis lightly taps on his face, and tries to ignore the way Harry’s eyes just stare dead through him as he tries to bring him back to reality.

Harry is drifting, and drifting, and floating further and further away from Louis. Fluttering in the most uncomfortable way. He is weightless, but he is contained. Something holding him in this tiny box as he hears Louis say his name over and over.

  
"Harry? Harry? H-Harry?!"

  
He tries to grasp the sound of Louis’ voice. Hold on to it to keep him connected to the real world.

  
What is happening?

  
And then the voice gets louder, and louder. And now suddenly his ears are ringing, and he tastes blood in his throat.

  
He silently chokes as he looks to Louis, completely confused as to what had just happened.

  
"Please tell me what is happening! Are you okay?" Louis is frantic. Harry can’t tell if he is angry, or scared. Maybe he is a bit of both. That worries Harry. He doesn’t want Louis to ever feel those things again.  
Harry still says nothing. He just nods that he is okay.

  
And now suddenly. Louis is so mad. Pissed off beyond control. Why can’t Harry just  _talk_  to him?  _Tell_ him what the fuck is happening.  _Explain_  what is happening, what’s in his mind?

  
Is he not good enough?

  
"Why can’t you just say something. . ?  _Anything_  Harry. Just tell me. . ” Louis says in a stern but gentle voice. He is so, so mad. But he could never hurt this boy.

  
If anything it’s hurting himself.

  
Harry still responds with nothing, and fuck it.

  
_Louis gives up._

  
He had never pushed him to say anything. He only cares for Harry. Deeply fucking cares, and the fact that he has to sit here and watch his boy go into some sort of zoned out zombie trance without a fucking reason is horrifying beyond imagination.

  
He needs to know, he needs to make it better. But Harry isn’t budging. Is he not wanting to make it better? Fuck. He just. .  _gives up._

  
Louis looks at Harry for a long moment, and the boy is just sitting there, wiping the blood from his nose and drying his tears as if this entire episode had never happened. Louis looks to his feet, and then back to the boy.

  
Harry doesn’t even know that he is hurting, does he?

"You know. . Harry." Louis starts, sighing as he stands up.

"I’m really trying with you." He adds as he puts a sock on each of his feet.

Harry is looking at him with question and concern in his eye.

"But you’re not trying at all. So, I give up." Louis says, kissing Harry on the forehead and walking towards the door.

Harry flips his shit. His mind begins racing. What the fuck is going on? He’s fine, he just had a nightmare and went into shock from it. Why is it stuck a big de- _oh._

  
Oh, that’s…  _oh._

.  
After so long of never speaking, he just assumes everyone is okay with that. Some prefer it, and some just want to laugh at him for it. But no one ever truly wants to hear him speak, do they?

  
Is that why Louis is upset? Why? He knew this whole time that talking is the one thing Harry wont do. The one thing that had drawn him to Harry. So why is he wanting it so badly now? To hear his voice? To hear it crack when he talks, the way it burns his tongue as he says his own fucking name.

  
Why is talking such a big fucking deal to everyone?

  
Regardess, No one else matters aside from Louis. And he is watching him walk out of his own cabin, watching the way his eyes are glassy, and how he doesn’t even grab his cigarettes. Maybe that’s a reason for him to come back, but Harry doesn’t want him to leave at all. .

  
So he musters up everything in his body. He tightens his jaw and tries to speak out. It comes out as a small and cracked whisper. A dusty and slow voice from sitting on a shelf unheard for so long.

  
_"Don’t"_

  
Louis thinks he might be hearing things as he freezes with his hand on the door.

  
_Did he just?_

  
Harry just spoke. No no, he couldn’t have. Harry doesn’t talk. He didn’t even grunt when he had jumped from that stump and was losing his life. Yet Louis had somehow managed to summon it out of him? The letters in Harry’s mind forming something in his gut and coming out just for Louis.

  
His body tingles as he turns around to face the boy. Matching the voice with him so perfectly. Harry had really said that. He spoke what he wanted and that hits Louis really hard

  
His legs are weak as he walks towards Harry, face serious but soft.

"Did you—"

Before he could finish, Harry is swallowing hard and he hears it again.

_"Yes. . "_

  
This is happening. That is his voice. His very own fucking voice. Such a beautiful sound that has been locked up for so long. The voice weighs a ton with emotion, heaviness, dryness. It soaks up all of Louis’ energy in the air as the words wirr in his ears in loops. Doing flips in his brain and melting his heart bit by bit.

  
His voice is slow, and deep, and rusted. Louis couldn’t imagine anything more perfect than Harry in his being, standing right infront of him. He struggles to grasp the voice before he has already fully forgotten what the words had sounded like.

  
"Do it again, please. . " Louis whispers into Harry, pulling him close and breathing him in.

Harry is afraid. He feels like everyone can hear his voice. Like it’s coming out of his mouth so loudly when really it’s just a small mutter. He hears it in his ears and it disgusts him, but Louis isn’t leaving, and he’s asking for more.

  
_No one will know, right?_

  
"O.." He swallows hard again.

  
"Okay. . "

  
And now Louis is kissing him. Smiling hard against Harry’s lips. Feeling so happy on the inside, fuzzy and tingly. Like his whole body is numb in the best possible way. Numb from warmth, and love, and happiness, and Harry.

  
He can feel Harry’s breath pass through his body as they breathe eachother in there in the center of his cabin. Just standing, swaying together as they fit like a puzzle at the mouth.

  
And Oh, Louis couldn’t be more thankful to know that someone cares about him. Enough to alter their life choices even for a moment just to make him stay.

Harry easily had relaxed into the kiss this time. Trying to hard to forget that he has spoken for the first time in years. Louis had pulled the words out of him, and Harry doesn’t really hate to admit that he was willing to do this. He wants Louis’ smile against his lips, and his hands trailing up and down his body.

  
He wants to feel Louis pull him on top of himself as they fall back on his bed. He loves that little giggle he makes when Harry struggles to get comfortable on top of him. He wants to snip and fold up every single face Louis can make and cram the little photos into a pocket in his heart, and capture his purrs,and laughs,and whispers in a jar to listen to on repeat at night.

  
He wants Louis, all of Louis for himself. And he’ll do anything to get that.

Louis can’t really deny that he is shocked at how easily Harry had fallen into this position with him. He had figured that when he pulled Harry down with him, they would have just rolled over, but that certainly isn’t the situation here.

  
Harry is comfortable on top of Louis, straddling his waist as they kiss, and breathe heavily against the warm summer air.  
Louis resists grinding himself up as the kiss lingers and becomes more heated. Harry hadn’t stopped himself from caressing Louis’ face, running his fingers through his hair, and even daring himself to slip his hand under Louis’ shirt.

  
His fingers twitch at the warm skin he feels there, and he wants nothing more than to touch every other inch of Louis’ body too. Soaking him in with kisses and frail fingers twirling, and pinching across the skin.

  
Louis moans at the way Harry is openly touching him. Moving his hands up, up , and up. Brushing against his nipple just once before trailing down, down, and down. Pinching gently at his hip bone before holding his hand there and kissing back harder.

  
In a way you can say Harry is coming out of his shell. He is realizing that maybe this situation isn’t supposed to be painful at all. Maybe people really do this when they’re in love. But not for pain, it’s for pleasure. Because from what he can tell, it’s felt so good for him when Louis does it.

  
Maybe the reason it hurts him so bad is because he doesn’t exactly love his father’s bruising words, and rough hands. But Louis on the other hand. He can fully admit without shame to loving his gentle finger tips as he grazes them across his back, and the way his words so gently pour out onto Harry’s skin causing goosebumps. Maybe it’s just the was Louis does things. They feel good. So Harry wants to make Louis feel good too.

Harry has gotten better at kissing now, keeping mental notes on the way Louis licks his bottom lip. The way he nibbles on it slightly, and lets his lips ghost a tiny bit too far away for Harry’s liking. Causing him to want more, and lean down to take the kiss himself.

  
He takes notes on those, and he uses them to his advantage. Catching Louis off guard the first time he nibbles his lip. Making him moan in frustration when Harry makes him work for his next kiss.

  
And wow, all this kissing is making him feel like that again. However, he doesn’t exactly know what to do. So he kisses harder, adjusting his body just a bit until . .  _Ahhh._

  
Harry had rutted against Louis for just a moment, causing a jolt of pleasure to fly through his body.

Louis had felt the hardness,and looked Harry in the eye as he pulled back from the kiss in a heated shock. So he lightly trails his fingers to Harry’s pants, making eye contact as he is very cautious with untying the drawstring .

  
"This okay?" Louis says, letting the strings fall from his fingers and bracing his hands on either side of Harry’s hips.

  
The boy just nods. And okay, Louis doesn’t expect him to speak all the time now. Probably better he didn’t right now. Louis would have came in his pants again.

  
So with that nod, Louis is inching Harry’s pants down his thighs. The skin there is beautiful, and he traces his fingers against the skin for a moment before tapping Harry’s hip in an attempt to get him to move for just long enough to get his pants off.

  
Harry does. He throws his leg over Louis and quickly slips them off before covering himself. Louis had been kicking his pajama pants off before he noticed Harry’s insecurity. With a violent kick his pants are flying into the floor and he is grasping Harry’s arm and pulling down again. Kissing him once and then whispering to him.

  
"Don’t hide from me."

  
And with that, Harry nods shyly.

  
They lazily kiss for a few moments longer, allowing the heat to finally give a reason to take off their shirts, and then Harry’s briefs followed by Louis’ boxers.

Harry is bare on top of Louis, kissing him as though it came as natural as day.

  
He’s hard, and Louis feels him weighing heavy against his stomach as he still resists the urge to rut up against him.

  
Harry still hasn’t said anything, and Louis is somehow okay with that. Because right now they are so close. Skin touching skin, rubbing, and kissing, blowing, touching. All of it happening all at once as their lips stay attached.

  
Louis doesn’t know how he is even thinking straight. His dick is aching and he can only imagine how Harry is feeling. So he attempts to take it to the next level. Pulling back from the kiss and sucking his fingers into his mouth.

  
Harry looks at him with question in his eyes before they widen. Louis senses panic, so naturally. He panics too.

  
"I. . I mean, I wont if you don’t want me to?" He says, taking his fingers out of his mouth.

  
And then Harry furrows his brow and thinks for a moment.  
If I can handle the pain from my father, I can handle it from Louis right?   
He opens his eyes and slightly nods.

  
“ _Louis would never hurt me_.” Harry thinks, leaning down and nuzzling his face into Louis’ neck.

  
"I would never hurt you. . " Louis says, as though his brain was suddenly screaming for him to say it.

  
And now Harry’s eyes widen because now apparently, Louis can read minds. Which kind of makes it easier because then he wont have to talk and get in trouble, right?

  
Harry responds with a gentle kiss, and a suck, and a lick against Louis’ neck. Over and over again in the same spot. Watching the bruise form but knowing that it’s not from pain. Louis had explained a love bite to him already. So he doesn’t feel bad as he slightly moves to the left to form another.

  
Louis tries not to melt into the atmosphere as Harry claims his body with his mouth. He simply continues to suck on his fingers until he felt it was good enough before moving them down Harry’s body. Putting slight pressure on his rim as he swirls his finger around, barely pushing, and then rubbing.  
Harry does jump at that, but he wills himself to trust Louis regardless of the pressure he is feeling down there.

  
And then Louis pushes his finger in. He feels the tightness surround just his one digit and tries not to cry about imagining his full girth inside of Harry.

  
Harry hadn’t jumped that time. As he is more familiar with much more force. Not the gentle rubs or small amounts of pressure as he inches his finger in. It doesn’t hurt at all compared to what he has felt so many times before, so he wiggles a bit. Letting Louis know that it was okay.  
And so Louis attempts to slip another finger into the boy, watching how he tenses up for just a moment before relaxing against him again.

  
He feels Harry’s breath cool over on his skin where he had been kissing. The wetness drying eventually and leaving behind the bright and vibrant colors of Harry’s mouth and his own blood rising to the surface.

  
But now Harry has stopped with the love bites, and simply pants into Louis’ ear as he picks up the pace on his fingers. Pushing in and pulling out leaves Harry breathing roughly against Louis. And he thinks just hearing him breathe like this is enough to throw him over the edge. But he does. He contains himself as he angles his fingers just a bit.

  
Harry’s body arches, rutting himself against Louis’ leg completely by accident as Louis easily found that little area inside of him. And then he moans.

  
He willingly moans into Louis neck before grasping onto his shoulders and rutting again, and again.

  
Harry has never done this before.

  
Louis thinks it’s fucking beautiful as the boy basically rides his fingers just to get friction on his front side. That beautiful dick that he had been drooling over the moment he fully got to see it hard and red against Harry’s soft and pale tummy.

  
Lets not forget that moan though. The moan that currently has Louis shaking in an attempt to contain himself. His fingers had began to move even faster after just hearing that, and he is trying so hard to lure another sound from those lips.

  
Trying to find the pleasure spot again, and again. Practically feeling Harry shake and rut against him as he chokes to contain his voice.

  
"Please. . " Is all Louis says. Begging for something to hang on to before he embarrasses himself yet again by coming too soon without even being touched.

  
However, Harry doesn’t realize Louis is only asking for a voice. Instead he moves his hand down, down, down. Between his own body and Louis, and simply presses down.

  
Louis moans loudly, halting his fingers inside of the boy.

  
Curses and moans fall from his lips constantly as Harry touches him for the first time. Pressing down, and lightly running his fingers across the hardness. Louis aches for him, twitching each time Harry’s fingers move too close to the spot he needs them.

  
"J—a bit lower baby." Is all Louis can muster out before Harry simply lowers his fingers, rubbing a tiny bit under the head.

  
And okay, yeah that feels good.

  
But then, without even asking. . a small ‘ _Like this?_ ' is numbing his entire body as he comes hard against Harry. Pulling his fingers out and gripping him tightly as he rides it out, shaking and sweating. Loving and crying.

  
“ _Please don’t leave me. ._ " Is the only thing he can say as he lay there distant.

  
The sheets are messy, and their bodies are sticky. But they are finally able to sleep soundly in each other’s arms without a thought of sadness pulling them from their dreams.

~

Louis had woken the next morning feeling guilty. But it wasn’t a heavy weighing guilt like he has felt so often this summer.

  
It was mostly the guilt of coming too soon again, and being too blissed out to even realize Harry hadn’t been taken care of.

  
He wonders why he didn’t say anything. And promises himself to not give himself the pleasure of coming again until he has Harry panting against his ear, and not able to resist begging for more.


	10. Be With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any typos guys :c  
> I changed the chapter a bit. Cut some smut out ;c. Next chapter will have a pretty heated and detailed scene though!
> 
>  
> 
> Keep in mind, The first scene takes place the morning after chapter eight ended. Excuse my shitty writing again, You all know that i kind of rushed this one.
> 
> I am not very confident with this chapter. Fuck.
> 
> WARNING; HOMOPHOBIC INSULTS.

Harry wakes up to find Louis holding him tightly from behind. He can feel his breathing against his back, and it's extremely comforting. He never once imagined that he would be lucky enough to feel such a thing. Only a month ago he would have scolded himself for even thinking of this feeling. . The thing he has read in so many books as he lay silent and weak in the basement back home. Those books had been the most important things in his life, and now he is in one of them.

  
He is living out the story. He had been saved, and taken care of, treated so well. And he thinks he may be loved. He thinks he might feel it. What else would explain the feeling of warmth in his body? Feeling as though nothing in the world matters as long as his hand is tangled tightly with Louis' ? He's always thought it would be a scary feeling. And it was. The confusion, frustration, fear of losing them, missing them. That did hurt, but now here he is in Louis' arms and he can't seem to bring himself to care.

  
The sun is out and the birds are singing, and for the first time Harry smiles. He smiles against the arm that is wrapped against him, and kisses it to make sure it's really there. He feels the soft breath in his hair from Louis' state of deep sleep and can't help but melt back into sleep as he listens to it.

  
How does Louis do this? How does he make him feel this way? How could he have been lucky enough out of so many people to have this boy holding him and making sure he is okay? Especially knowing he doesn't deserve him one bit.

  
For now that doesn't matter.

  
He just wants to sleep beside him forever and never worry again.

 

~

 

Louis wakes up and sees that his boy is still sleeping, so he stays still. He can feel Harry's soft skin against his own, and fuck. It feels so good, so warm.

  
He eyes the room and tries not to smile at the clothes that were thrown in the floor so carelessly last night. He eyes over his pants, and then looks at the ones Harry was wearing.

  
He then looks to the clock and realizes it's noon, it's the first time in so long since he's woken up this early. And it's not even that early at all.  
Louis lies there and allows himself to just think. Calmly think about the situation, and the boy in his arms. He thinks about how things had changed, and how he'd never imagined leaving camp with a care of wanting Harry with him.

  
And that's right.

  
He frowns as he remembers this wont last forever. And he faintly remembers why he had never allowed himself to have friends here. Simply because they get lost, and he knows he's in for a dreadful future the day he has to see Harry walking away from him.

  
Maybe if he could just . . .  _No, he's too big to fit in a suitcase._

  
And now Louis doesn't want to waste anytime sleeping. He doesn't want to sleep, or lay in silence. He wants to spend every single moment he can possibly have with Harry. Awake and happy. That's what he wants.  
So he snuggles himself into the back of Harry's neck. Whining and whimpering for him to wake up.

  
"Haaaarrryyyy" He whines, nipping at his shoulder and wiggling around.  
Harry simply stretches himself out in his grip and lays flat on his back, turning his face up to look at Louis with a small smile.

  
His face is glowing. He's not pale today, the sadness in his aura is long gone. Louis can feel the boy's fondness as he looks up to him.

  
"Hi. . " Louis whispers, kissing him quickly on the nose before poking his side.

  
And  _oh,_

  
 _Was that a laugh?_

  
Harry has never laughed. Regardless of how small and hushed the giggle was. That was a laugh and Louis can't help but poke again, and again, and again. Until Harry is kicking and rolling around in his grib.  
Louis is laughing fondly but silences it as he suddenly stops to look at him.

  
 _Fuck._

  
This boy. With the sun shining through the window and hitting his cheeks just right. It reminds him of the day he had watched Harry sleep by the tree. Only this time he is awake. He looks peaceful in reality rather than dreaming, and Louis couldn't help but smile at that.

_Louis loves him._

  
But he doesn't know that yet. All he knows is that Harry is important. He is meant to be happy, meant to speak, meant to smile, and laugh, and kiss, and make it through a day without frowning ever. He does think for a brief moment that for as long as he is around, he will make sure Harry is able to do that. He doesn't allow himself to doubt the thought.  
He simply leans down and brushes his lips against Harry's.

  
" _I want to always be like this. ._  " Louis whispers, before lightly kissing him.

  
Harry so badly wants to just sing to Louis. Scream to the world how those words make him feel. But he knows he will be shunned for feeling such a thing. He will be made fun of, and hurt for this. He can't drag Louis down with him. .

Louis is meant for happiness, Harry isn't.

  
Nevertheless, as Louis pulls his face away to look at Harry again, he is simply grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him back down. Kissing him, and never wanting it to change.

In the kiss, Louis wonders what Harry's morning voice sounds like. Soft and raspy against his neck as he tells him good morning. He smiles into the kiss at the thought. Because in some ways, he can put a voice to Harry. He can imagine his small voice in different situations now and he really hopes one day it wont just be his imagination.

  
They kiss for what seems like forever before Louis remembers that he is supposed to apologize to Harry. He doesn't do it with words. He simply runs his hand's down the boys stomach, caressing the scar there for a moment before tracing hearts with his fingertips on his hip. His fingers are languid and slow, brushing past the boy's pelvis to his other hip. Just feeling the skin, working the boy up.

  
Harry feels it, anticipates where Louis is going to put his hand next, kind of knowing where this is going. He doesn't shy away. These feelings aren't as scary for him now. When it's Louis doing it, everything is perfect and feels so so good. He wonders for a moment if that's just because that's who Louis is. He is gentle and loving on the inside, with touches full of fond, and sweet. He never wants to share that touch with anyone.

  
Harry was partly right. Louis does eventually inch his fingers lower and lower, feeling the small twitch as he runs his fingers own the length. He jerks him off gently for maybe three minutes before he is trailing the kisses down his neck, past his chest, his belly button, and then stopping.   
Harry's never felt this before.

  
Louis blows lightly on him before he takes the smallest of a kitten lick against the underside of Harry's dick. And yeah,  _wow_. That is overwhelming for Harry. Feels so much different compared to Louis' fingers.

  
He winces,shivers, and gasps in pleasure when Louis takes him in his mouth for the first time. Lightly sucking before letting it fall from his lips again. He goes slow and gentle at first. Almost the same way he kisses Harry. Lazy, drawn out. Just kissing the head, and licking the base. Occasionally slowly lowering his head until his nose touches the boy's pelvic bone.

  
He does this for at least fifteen minutes. Tasting the tiniest bit of salt each time he flattens his tongue against the head of Harry's cock.   
The boy is hard and aching in Louis' mouth. The heaviness on his tongue pulsing and twitching each time he hums around him. Louis doesn't even need Harry to say something. He can tell he wants more.

That gives him another idea, or rather makes his mind wander. He wants to try something he has never done to anyone or had done to him. He has watched it happen in plenty of pornos though.  
So why not see how it goes with Harry?

  
"Hey. ." Louis whispers as he pulls off of him and kisses his thigh.

  
"Turn over, I wanna try something. ." He adds, kissing the exact same spot and tapping on his hip with his thumb.

  
Harry let's out a worrying breath, but nods to him and is turning on his side , letting Louis gently tip him the rest of the way until his face is resting against his arm.

  
He taps the boy's hip again, and is then grabbing a pillow.

  
"Lift up babe. ." He whispers against his ear as he travels back down.

  
And Harry does so, letting him adjust the pillow under him. Louis takes a deep breath, remembering the way Harry had tasted, and nearly wants to cry in realization that this is happening. He then examines Harry's bum religiously. Caressing it, spreading it. Kissing the left side and then the right.

  
"It might tickle, i'm not sure. Never done this before. " Louis says with a playful whisper before going straight down and simply spreading him apart before licking a long strip down the boy's rim.

  
Harry jumps at that, but he can't say it hurts. Or even tickles.  
Louis looks to Harry for a moment, looking for feedback but receives nothing. So he assumes it's okay for now.

  
He goes back down, and licks him again, and again. He swirls his tongue, traces patterns and shapes against him, and then he slightly points out his tongue and presses in.

  
Harry breathes hard at that, unwillingly leaning back against Louis' tongue, letting his body beg for more. Again Louis is humming against the boy as he grips his waist and guides him against his face.

After a while the movements have become frantic and Harry is choking again. So Louis furthers his intentions on making Harry feel good.  
He licks away at him all the while massaging him with his index finger, easily pushing in.

  
And then Harry moans lightly at the entrance. Like it's something he needed. Louis' tongue had done well, and had Harry shaking and grinding back into him, but that's the thing. It kept him on the edge of feeling so good but wanting so much more. And now something slightly bigger is thrusting in and out of him and it just feels. . so so good.  
Feels so good that it's Louis. Feels so good that he can make the smallest of sounds and not be hit for it.

Louis seems to have to contain himself a lot when Harry is in front of him. Shaking, breathing, and moving for pleasure. Working for it, wanting it. He always gets so hard, but always forgets to focus on someone other than himself when it gets too heated.

  
So he works Harry up, up, up. And then he works him down, down ,down. Smiling slightly against Harry. He has a stern and upset frown directed at him. Louis can tell he's mentally scolding and giving Louis the title of a tease.

  
And then, as Louis pulls his face out of Harry once again, he simply hovers over his back and nibbles his ear slightly. Thrusting his fingers in one last time before whispering,

  
 _" I want to make you feel good. ."_

  
In those words, Louis had made his own obvious erection known as he pressed it against Harry's thigh.

  
That stirred something in Harry's mind. Not that it was a good or bad feeling. He's felt the hardness before, but it's so. . so close to . . _there_. Without a thought he whimpers to Louis brokenly.

  
" _More. ._  "

  
Never would Harry have thought he would be asking for this. This of all things. The one thing that had fucked him up so badly in his past. Why does he want it.  _Why, why, why?_

And so, They make love for the first time. Whimpering and slick bodies rubbing together. Becoming one and infusing their entire beings together for just a moment.

  
Harry isn't ashamed as they lay silent, his head on Louis' chest. Listening to the rapid heartbeat. He thinks maybe, his heart had skipped a beat just to beat in rhythm with Louis' for a small moment.

  
He could  _feel_  it.

 

~

 

Once they had laid there for more than a few hours. Harry just listening to Louis humming sweet songs in his hair, and Louis gently loving and drifting further away from reality as he inhales Harry over and over again.

  
Harry thinks hard in those hours. Thinks about how he feels, and how this could end. He's scared, and frustrated. He's wary of Louis, of this entire situation. Suspicious even.

  
When he isn't in these intense moments with Louis, he somehow remembers that it's strange. Having someone care about you is strange. He knows he isn't meant to be cared for. He isn't supposed to be loved, or kissed, or touched like this.  _What if his father finds out? Or if anyone at all finds out? He's be so fucked. Why can't he be rational about this?_  
But then he remembers the way Louis looks at him, the way he touches his fingers gently with his own, the comforting caresses as night, the way their feet tangle together.

  
The way Louis looks at him as a person, and not a  _ghost._

  
So all in all, Harry knows what he is doing is stupid, maybe even a mistake. Not because of Louis. Because he does feel something for him. He feels something so strong he thinks he could be smothered by all that is Louis and die happily. However, it's still a mistake. Because he also knows that eventually, Louis will be gone. Harry will be back home to the same shit that usually happens. Only now he is back to square one. He is no longer jaded, as he has found someone he genuinely cares for now. . Everything is going to hurt him again. It's a mistake. But there is this overwhelming feeling that he needs to stay. Trust Louis, smile for Louis. . .  _love Louis._

  
Sadly, After so long of being isolated with the boy who had somehow made him happy. He knows something will eventually fuck it up. And on this day, that happens.

  
It's almost five in the afternoon when there is a knock on Louis' cabin door. They both scramble to get their clothes on in a panic before Louis says fuck it and opens the door in a pair of boxers.

  
It's one of the supervisors.

  
"So I've noticed you boys haven't been participating with anything we've had planned. I'm gonna have to put an end to that. Also I hear Mister Styles has been staying with you, and that simply isn't allowed without going through one of the camp officials first."

  
The man looks at Harry, glaring at him for a moment. That pisses Louis off to no end.

  
"Don't look at him like that. It's my fault he's here. Maybe you should tell Zayn to stop sneaking boys in and fucking them , then maybe Harry will go back." Louis barks back, with absolutely no intention on letting Harry go.

  
Harry wonders how he knows about that, but then realizes that Zayn and Louis had actually been friends at one point.

  
"Sorry but this isn't your call Tomlinson. Help him pack his things." The man says, taking a step into the cabin and spotting the cigarettes.

  
He says nothing as he takes the remaining packs from Louis and shoves them in his pocket. He simply claps at the boys as they scramble to pick up things that had been thrown around. Louis stuffing half of his own clothes in a bag for Harry to wear.

  
And now he is snarling at the man. Frantic to keep Harry by his side.

  
"You know, I don't think I really  _want_  Harry to leave." He says to him in a calmed voice, turning around with a shirt in his hand.

  
"There is only one bed in here, and you're not supposed to be sharing beds."

  
"Again, we can bring this back to Malik. Harry is staying until you deal with him." Louis says to the man, and then becomes a bit angry. He knows that they knew about the bullying but did nothing about it. Hell, at the campfire the supervisor simply laughed along with the kids who had been threatening Harry.

  
"You've sat here and watched the way he is treated! Especially the way Zayn treats him, and you still expect him to sleep in the same room ?!" Louis shouts, frantically pointing to Harry and then throwing his arms in the air.

  
"If you don't watch your attitude, I can send you home tomorrow morning in a cab if I need to. Considering your parent's have already spoken to us about you." The man scoffs in a smirk, and okay. Yeah, Louis is fucking done.

  
He simply walks towards the man, backing him outside of the cabin before slamming the door in his face.

  
They silently finish packing Harry's things, he kisses him on the forehead as he leads him back to the familiar cabin he had stayed in with Zayn. And then he leans down and whispers.

"It'll be okay. Just sleep here tonight and Ill come get you tomorrow morning. ."

  
And with that, Louis closes the door behind him, leaving Harry in the uncomfortable aura that is Zayn.

  
He thinks Louis is gone, and he really wants to cry. This air is draining his energy and replacing warmth with cold. Making him feel utterly powerless as he slumps to the floor with his head against his knees. He just cries.

  
Louis however, hadn't left.

  
He was simply leaned against the side of Zayn's cabin. Waiting. Just waiting for the fucker to come back. And when he does, he's ready to lay down a set fucking rule.

  
Zayn simply walks up with a wicked grin on his face.

  
"Lou! Have you finally come round?" Zayn shouts sarcastically.  
Louis only glares at him.

  
"Don't fucking touch him. Don't look at him, don't talk to him.  _Just don't._ " He demands.

  
Zayn kind of leans back at the words but slightly laughs at him afterwards.

  
"No promises, bud. Can't say I like the kid." He says back, but before Louis could respond. He's going on and on.

  
"Gotta admit though, I envy your openness with him. Don't know how you do it. If Liam and I could do something like that it would be a lot easier."

Louis ignores Zayn's personal problem, only the words ' _No promises_ ' ring in his head, and now he is shoving Zayn against the cabin.

  
"If you touch him, ill tell Liam how you decided to fuck that little bird in the cabin near the lake. Remember? that time when you suddenly decided you liked girls?"

  
Zayns eyes widen at that. Louis knew he had feelings for this Liam kid. Threatening him with bloody noses only goes so far. Gotta fuck with him mentally. Breaking a nose is, in no way, able to be compared to the loss of a love.

  
And then Zayn nods with another snicker.

  
"He wouldn't believe you, mate."

  
"Fucking watch me do it, Zayn." Louis adds, showing he is serious.

  
And then Zayn's smile falters and he is surrendering.

  
"Okay, okay. I wont touch the little freak."

 

Louis wants to slam him face repeatedly into every hard surface he can find. And he has to force himself to walk away from the cabin.  
He doesn't want to go back without Harry. So he doesn't go back at all.

 

~

 

Louis is back to the wandering state. Without Harry he just feels so fucking distant. Like nothing even matters, and god. It's pathetic.

  
He tries to go to a stupid picnic some distant friends were having. He only ended up getting bored and annoyed. So he left. He tried to play some footie. Didn't score even once. He can't even think straight without Harry beside him, how does he honestly expect to enjoy something ?  
So he simply stares at his cabin, and is right back to sitting on his steps and listening for any sign that Harry is outside.

  
 _No Harry._

  
He desperately just wants to see him right now. To make sure he is okay. .

  
He doesn't have any cigarettes. He has absolutely nothing to distract himself from sneaking in to see Harry and beat Zayn senseless. So he decides maybe he should just try and go to the dinner hall. He hasn't eaten yet today and. . . maybe Harry will be there?

  
 _Nope. No Harry._  So he silently picks at his food since now his appetite is gone. And he finally wills himself to just go back and go to bed. So he can go get Harry again tomorrow morning and hug him, and hold him, kiss him.

  
Turns out, Harry wasn't okay.

  
Louis goes back to his cabin with the small boy already shaking in his bed. He remembers leaving the door unlocked just incase. He applauds himself for that as he gently sits on the bed and touches the boy's arm.  
Harry is shaking and cold.

  
"What did he fucking do?" Louis says, as he notices just the smalled drop of blood come from Harry's nose.

  
Louis doesn't know, but yes. It was Zayn. Harry had not wanted to stay awake without Louis there. It hurt to fall asleep without him, but it was the only way to ignore the emptiness he felt with him being so fucking close, but so goddamn far away. He simply falls asleep on this familiar and cold bunk.

  
After about an hour, Zayn had brought Liam over. They weren't fucking or anything. They were just lazily lying there below Harry when they hear it. Their hushed conversation interrupted by this awful feeling.  
The hear the sound of frantic slapping, and legs moving against the sheets.

Of course, they assumed it was none other than a very rude wank with other's in the room. But it wasn't at all that. It was Harry needing Louis, in a much more important way. He needed to be soothed, and caressed, and whispered to. . Because without Louis' soothing aura, it had Harry's mind spinning into the darkness again. Causing nightmares, paranoia, and straight up pain in his sleep.

  
He had gone into shock again. Kicking his legs, and slapping himself in the face to try and keep the daze from happening. But then he silences and just lays there. Blood pouring from his nose and staring off.

  
Both Liam and Zayn had witnessed this and completely flipped out.

  
"What the fuck is wrong with him?!"

  
"Should I go find help?!" Liam had eventually said.

  
Zayn simply grabbed Harry's arm after a moment. Which pulled him out of the trance.

  
The cold touch was no where near as warm as Louis'. He was violently pulled out of the trance, not by soft callings of his name. Though Louis had been afraid, he was still gentle. Unlike Zayn, the cold and forceful grip that reminds him of his father burning his flesh and making him want to rip his skin off.

  
Zayn however, had no idea of what to do. He knew he was a freak, but he's lying there still and bleeding in front of him. What else would he do? He grabbed him, and that's it. It wasn't a forceful grab with bruising fingers, but Harry felt as though it was with the way it had pulled him back to reality.

He simply jumped back from Zayn and just stared at him.  
He swallowed hard, and just.

.   
" _Louis. ._  " was all that came out of his mouth.

It was very dry, and came out as more of a cough.   
Zayn's eyes were wide as he snarls at him.

"Get the fuck out." Is all he had said back. Grabbing Harry with force this time and throwing him off of his bed.

  
He hit the floor rather forcefully before weakly pulling himself up and simply limping out of the cabin.

  
Liam was in complete shock at the way Harry had never spoken before, but managed to let a small "Louis" slip from his lips. He was then looking at Liam with anger in his eyes.

  
"Why the fuck did you do that to him?" Liam says, pushing out of Zayn's grip.

  
"I. . I don't know. The kid fucking scares me." Zayn admits, sitting on his bed and putting his palms in his eyes.

  
Liam says nothing. He just walks out, leaving Zayn by himself in the cold cabin.

  
"What the  _fuck_  did you get yourself into Lou?" Zayn thinks, as he throws himself back on his bed and tries not to think of the way Louis turned on him when it came to this freak.

 

~

 

Liam had tried to find Harry after he had walked out. But it seems he has already made his way to the comfort of Louis' cabin. He saw the door close as he walked a bit closer, and then he spotted Louis coming out of the dinner hall.

  
It was time for Liam to get the fuck out of this situation.

  
The only thing is, it was too late. Liam stood there awkwardly watching Louis walk through his door and freeze. He knew shit was about to go down. And as he is turning around to back away, he hears the cabin door sling open and Louis' footsteps coming up fast behind him.

  
Harry hadn't spoken to him when Louis found him. He was utterly frantic to find out what had happened to his boy. He was fine. He was okay and perfect when Louis had left him. What the fuck happened? That's all he wants to know.

  
Liam knows doom is near as the footsteps get closer and closer as he casually tries to walk away as if he had no idea what was going on. And then his shirt is being gripped and he is being slammed against a tree.

  
"What the fuck happened?!"

  
Liam looks at Louis wide eyed for a moment. He sees the love in his eyes. The love for Harry. He also sees fear, and anger. Hate, dread, sadness. He sees all of it.

  
"I--" Is all Liam can say before Louis shakes him.

  
"Fucking tell me!"

  
"I don't know! He was just shaking and his nose was bleeding! And then he said your name, and Zayn is a fucking asshole! I don't know!"   
Liam was frantic and afraid by the time Louis had shoved him one last time and stomped away, on the war path to see Zayn.

Zayn was still silently sitting on his bed. Thinking about what the fuck is happening when Louis slams through his door screaming.

  
"Did you touch him?!"

  
Zayn only nods his head as he sits up.

  
"I threw him out."

  
"What the fuck did I tell you Zayn?" Louis says, simply stomping up to him and getting in his face.

  
"He's a fucking creep Louis! Why do you even care!?" Zayn yells back at him, spitting venom that gives Louis' the most unnerving chills.

  
" _What_  did you _do_?" He says, gritting his teeth.

  
"I only touched him! And then he looked at me, and fucking asked for you. And fuck, Lou! I wasn't expecting that! I threw him off of his bunk, that's all!" Zayn says back, shaking his head as if he was suddenly so sorry.

  
Louis has heard enough, he simply throws a punch and hits Zayn dead in the jaw. He doesn't fight back. He just stands there and takes it. And then Louis is frantically punching, and slapping, and screaming.  
And now he's crying and falling to his knees. Like a child who had just thrown a tantrum.

  
"I told you not to touch him. . Why can't you listen?" He cries out, gripping and rubbing his knees.

  
His face is hot, and his throat hurts as the tears pour out. His eyes burn, and his heart burns. He let this happen.

  
 _He wasn't here._

  
Zayn simply sighs as he rubs his sore jaw.

  
"What's happening to you?" Zayn says coldly. Sitting on his bed and pulling Louis to sit beside him.

  
Louis simply swats his hand away and cries out a small " _Don't fucking touch me. ._ "

  
"Do you . . . love him?" Zayn asks with concern.

  
And now Louis is crying harder. Squeezing his eyes shut and nodding his head frantically. Brokenly agreeing.

  
" _so much. ._  "

After a few moments, Louis calms down and simply stands up

.  
" _Don't do it again._ " He had said as he began walking out.

 

~

 

Harry was still shaking by the time he got back, but instantly calmed himself the moment Louis had put his arms around him. Kissing him over and over again as he caressed his face.

  
"It wont happen again." Louis would repeated sweetly. Over and over again.

  
They had laid there for a long while, fore head to fore head, just looking at each other. Both had glassy and wet eyes. Harry's arm thrown and limp over Louis' waist but grabbing tightly at the t-shirt , and Louis refusing to stop touching his boy's pink cheeks. Thumbing at his lips before kissing him sweetly. And then finally calling it a night and holding him as tight as he possibly could, promising himself to never allow Harry to be taken away again.

When they awoke the next morning, he had full intentions on asking Harry himself exactly what had happened. It took him over an hour to get him to finally speak. He really really wishes he hadn't though. His heart is breaking each time Harry adds on. He's never spoken so much.

  
"I. . had a nightmare again." Harry had said to him.

  
"What kind of nightmares do you have, Harry?"

  
"Ones that make me . . remember. ." He responded quietly.

  
Harry had stopped speaking after that. Knowing this could go way too far. But Louis is asking with concern in his eyes, and he somehow feels like it would be okay.

  
"Remember what ?"

  
"My dad. . "

  
And then Louis had felt it in his entire body. He remembers the man in the truck, the way he had slammed Harry's door and drove off, leaving him there. He remembers that wicked face, and those eyes screaming that he is nothing but an un-clean man who spreads his filth easily.  
"Is he the one that did this?" Louis had whispered softly, caressing the prominent scar on Harry's stomach.

  
"And those too?" He added, lightly touching his wrists, and his arms.

  
Harry had only weakly nodded, which left Louis feeling jolts of hate, and anger, and hurt in his heart. It was coursing through his veins really, imagining the man who had hurt Harry, and brought him so much pain.

  
"And he's the one who is going to be taking you back. . ?" Louis asked brokenly, breathing loudly and trying to contain his emotions.

  
Harry nodded again.

  
Louis thinks hard about this. And it's all coming together for him.

  
"Is he why you don't speak?"

  
Harry nods, squeezing his eyes shut as a tear falls and makes his entire body too hot. He nods, and he nods, and he nods. Images flashing through his head. Being held down, being hit, being told to never speak.

  
" _Shut the fuck up!_ " His father would say, as Harry lay frail and cold beneath him. Crying loudly at the burn.

  
When Harry hadn't stopped crying, he would cover his nose and mouth. Threatening to suffocate the boy if he hadn't stopped.

  
So eventually he trained himself to never make a sound in those situations. After a while, any sort of sound that came out of Harry's mouth was an annoyance. Receiving punches, and kicks, and slaps to any part of his body that his father could get to.

  
So he just stopped. Stopped talking, stopped crying. Stopped feeling. .

It's not that his father truly intended to silence the boy. He just thought it was better that way. Harry had never been to school or truly even left his house when he wasn't at camp. So having him silent kind of ended up being a pleasure for the man. No longer paranoid that Harry would seek help. The boy was too afraid to speak. The damage had been done, so he might as well go with it, right?

Louis still doesn't know all of this. Harry had just been lying there in his grip crying as he thought hard about what he is doing. He's speaking, and loving, and smiling. These things aren't allowed.

  
But why does he feel like he doesn't care? He just doesn't care if his father finds out, if he hurts him for this. As long as Louis is safe, that's all that matters. .

  
 _"He hurts me. ."_  Was last thing that fell from Harry's lips before Louis hushes him gently. Not telling him to be quiet, or to keep his mouth shut. Partly because he didn't want to know anymore, and partly because Harry is clearly very stressed about this.

  
"Shh, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. . " He had soothed.

  
Harry only nodded his head again, and continued to cry.

Time tends to fly by when they're together. Forgetting to eat, forgetting to shower. Forgetting everything that doesn't involve Harry and Louis.  
They had been lying there silent, listening to a man with an extremely annoying voice talk on the radio when Louis hears Harry's stomach growl. He faintly remembers Harry eating the day before the supervisor had come to take him away. Which means neither of them really ate anything at all today or yesterday.

  
"Are you hungry? Let's go get some food, yeah? The dinner bell will ring in about an hour." He says to Harry.

  
Harry nods yet again to Louis, pulling himself up and looking around the room.

  
That's a sign of Harry wanting another one of Louis' shirts to wear. So he simply pulls off the shirt he has on now, and gives it to Harry. That had pleased Harry, as he simply rolled the shirt in his fingers and pushed his face into it. Smelling the scent of Louis, and tears, and sweat, and himself faintly.

  
He likes that smell.

 

~

 

Walking into the dinner hall, they immediately sense something off. Something uncomfortable.

  
Maybe it's a supervisor knowing that they still aren't following the rules? Nope. It was Zayn. Just glaring across the room. Burning holes into their skin as they walk in.

  
Zayn was more upset that he seems to have lost both Liam and Louis over this silent little ghost. Why is he losing people he loves because of him? Of all people him? He raged hard at that, and this, and those. He rages at everyone, and everything as he sits on his own. No Liam to secretly touch hands with, and no Louis to just talk to. .

  
Louis had simply smirked at Zayn as they walk by to get themselves a tray of food, and in return they got a simple remark.

  
"Faggots."

  
And Louis really did laugh at that.

  
"And  _You_?" He had responded. Grabbing Harry's hand and finding a place to sit. Somewhere far from Zayn.

  
Louis had spotted Liam sitting with a bunch of other people, but he simply looked out of it. They made quick eye contact, and Liam just kind of . . bowed his head at them. It was a nice gesture, polite and kind. Like he thinks they should be able to go through their day without being scoffed at.

  
Zayn had been watching this.

Eventually, After everyone was scattering. Louis just knew Zayn would throw a fit like a child before everyone left. He wanted to make a scene. So yeah, he'd get one.

  
"So, what? You guys are just fuck buddies now or?" Zayn had said loudly, causing a few people to look towards the other boys.

  
"Did you get him to talk?" Zayn adds on, knowing the answer.

  
"I think you did mate, make him do it again." He adds.

  
Liam is now standing, worried for the situation. They don't seem too phased at first, until he had brought up the whole talking thing. Louis shakes his head at Zayn and goes to say something, but Harry touches his wrist and is looking at him bravely.

  
"No, You don't have to talk. Don't give him the pleasure. . " Louis had whispered.

Now that the scene had been made, there were comments on how they were holding hands, and sitting so closely before. How Harry was wearing Louis' shirt, and the way Louis was so easily leaving people to be with this. . ' _freak_.'

  
Harry's grip on Louis' hand falls, and no. Nope. Nu-uh.  _No._

  
He quickly looks to Harry, and then at everyone. Small whispers are heard. Words like "gay", "faggot", "princess", and "fairy."

  
All Louis can really do is look at Harry. The way he is pulling back. The way he is slightly pulling on Louis to leave. But Louis doesn't budge.  
He simply scoops Harry up, pulls him in close, and kisses him. There, in front of everyone.

  
"There! Yes, I'm gay. Yes I'm with Harry. Rumors are true! " Louis had shouted happily scooting people along, not afraid of the truth. Harry however. . was quite baffled. Or more-so confused.

  
Zayn had looked extremely heated after that. He forgets sometimes that Louis truly doesn't give a fuck about what people think.

 

~

 

After that little scene, Harry and Louis had walked out together.   
They walked hand in hand to their cabin, and not even the tiniest glare was sent their way. It was a free feeling for both of them. Though Harry was still rather confused.

  
 _Louis is. . with him?_  
 _When? How? Where? What?_

  
Once they're walking into the cabin, Harry stops at the door which causes Louis to stumble back a bit.

  
"What's wrong?"

  
"W-. . . with me?" Harry had managed to squeak.

  
Louis sighs loudly.

  
"Shit. . um, yeah sorry. . " He said, scratching his head. He looks down for a moment, shyly smiling.

  
"I-is that okay? Can I be with you?" He asks, stilling looking at the ground.

  
Harry nods his head, trying very hard not to be obvious with the happiness burning in his heart.

 


	11. Such A Shame, Such A Shame. To See You Break All Over Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Ten!
> 
> Oh jesus fucking christ, im so insecure about my writing. Sorry If I've missed any typos :c 
> 
> LOVE ME PLEASE. 
> 
> Also, btw~ In the photo it has my tumblr urls!  
> Bumfunlarry.tumblr.com is strictly my fic blog, and Gagforlou.tumblr.com is my main blog! (Currently have a winter url though, so it's Loutoasty.tumblr.com) Feel free to follow <3

 

In a way they both knew deep down that they belonged to each other. They never truly thought they needed to say it or make it "official" though. The feeling was just there. That's why Harry had reacted that way when he first heard it come from Louis' lips, and he never knew it would feel the way it did. A small shock making his heart beat faster, making his entire face warm as though he had a very pleasant fever. In a way he's kind of glad that the unspoken agreement was finally out in the air. Just hearing Louis call him his makes his heart flutter in the most fascinating way.

  
However, Harry is having an issue. Each day it's getting harder and harder to look at Louis all together. Why? Because there are only three more days before summer camp is over. He doesn't want to go.

  
Looking at Louis makes it even hard. Each time panicking a bit more in realization that soon, he wont feel that skin against him at night. Louis is his safety, and knowing that he will be pried from your arms is a draining feeling.

  
Emotionally drained, physically drained. Both.

  
In a way, camp has even become his safety. Because that's where Louis is. He remembers seeing Louis each year, watching him change, and his smile fade. He felt nothing for Louis back then. Which is kind of stupid because now every single fiber of his being is feeling for him. Vibrating his body and raising goose bumps. Every part of him wanting to touch Louis forever.

  
He wishes that he hadn't wasted time. Maybe Louis could have saved him back then too.

Louis actually throws a fit when he realizes camp is almost over. Frantically walking back and forth, thinking and throwing out suggestions.

  
_"You can't go back there Harry."_

  
_"I wont be able to handle seeing you leave with him."_

  
_"No, no. I wont even be able to handle you leaving at all."_

  
_"Come with me. . "_

  
Harry only shakes his head. If he leaves with Louis, his father will most likely come for them both. He can't allow Louis to feel that kind of pain. He has already gone so long in his life without Harry, so he can just go back to that. . right? Forget Harry had even existed, forget that they had this overwhelming sense of warmth, and love, and everything good when they're together.  _Forget it all._

  
And now Louis is throwing out suggestions for staying in contact. Talking every single day so he knows his boy is alive, and to know if he is okay.

  
_"We can skype, yeah?"_

  
Harry almost violently shakes his head.

  
 _"He wouldn't. . i . . no. ."_   He stutters.

  
He knows his father would never allow him to do such a thing. He doesn't even own a cell phone. So how on earth would he own a computer or laptop? Even if he did, he wouldn't be allowed near it.

  
 _"Oh. . . maybe we can write secret letters?"_  Louis is desperate to keep in touch.

  
Harry nods after a moment of thinking. As long as he gets to the post box first, the letters will never be seen, right?

  
Harry had taught himself to both read, and write. slightly remembering in the past his mother helping him before she had passed. He thinks he would be able to pull it off. So they sit there silently as they neatly write down their addresses. Louis tucks his in Harry's ruck-sack and almost begs him.

  
"Please. . just let me know that you're okay."

  
Harry nods again, lifting up on his toes to kiss Louis quickly. He intended to keep it quick, to resist and avoid situations that would make this hurt more in the end.

  
"This" meaning, the whole relationship.  _The whole situation._

Once he is gone, Louis' words wont be enough. He needs  _him._

  
Regardless of how hard he tries to avoid it though, he's always tripping over himself and kissing Louis again. And again. And Again. Allowing Louis to breathe him in, and kiss him, and nibble his neck. To touch his chest, his arms, and his thighs.

  
He simply can't resist it, no matter how hard he tries. He needs the touch, he aches for that small amount of physical contact now. Something he's never needed or wanted.

  
It's just Louis. He needs him. He needed Louis yesterday, he needed him the day before that, and he needs him now. He'll need him tomorrow too, followed by the next day, and the next week, and the next year, and month, and lifetime.

  
Forever, he will forever need Louis.

  
He doesn't know how to look at him properly though. Is there even a certain way you should look at someone you care for so much? He tries and he tries to show his love through his face. Just looking at the older boy. Kissing him, and holding him tight.

  
He thinks Louis gets it, with the way sometimes he just caresses his face and whispers quietly in his ear.

  
_" You don't have to say it. ."_

  
He thinks he hears the words he tries to place so obviously on his face. He thinks he can read every dimple, and freckle. Every lip curl, and furrowed brow. Louis reads him, and he reads him well. Kissing him at the right time, touching him and comforting him when he himself doesn't even know he needed it.

  
How does he do it?

Regardless, Harry doesn't care. He knows he can't resist or avoid this. Yet he still tries. He tries, and he tries. He tries when they kiss, and touch, and hold. And each time those unsure and cold feelings melt out of him each time he speaks.

  
The words no longer spit like acid, they simply flow out with warm vibes. He gets goosebumps sometimes hearing himself. Knowing that he truly does have his own voice. It's never went away, regardless of how lost he thought it was. Tucked deep inside of him on a shelf. There contained a lot of his older memories. Those times when his mother was still around, when his father was more contained. The time when she patted him on the head and let him buy his own ice cream, smiling as he spoke to the man behind the counter.

  
He wishes he could talk forever. But he can't. As long as he can speak for Louis though, that is enough to be his forever.

  
Louis had avoided leaving Harry's side since the day he had saved him. He is all out resisting it now. Snarling at supervisors, glaring at those who look as though they need to say something. Nothing will be able to pry their hands apart.

  
The good thing about this, is the fact that the supervisors honestly don't care. It had taken them weeks to actually notice both of them not showing to activities and staying together. They can tough it out for a few more days. Fuck the supervisors. They're not going to be pulled apart again.

  
Louis really doesn't want to think that soon the very source of Harry's pain will be doing it though. Pulling Harry away from him and intending nothing but harm for his boy. He pretends this isn't going to happen. He pretends like he will be able to stop it. Fools himself into believing Harry will ultimately be riding back home with him, blissed and happy. But there is that small burning in his gut. Just chanting and howling throughout his body.

  
_"Stop resisting the truth."_

  
It hurts.

  
Louis, however, continues to ignore it. He lets himself destroy his emotions bit by bit just to keep himself and Harry happy for the last few days they have together.

  
_You're an emotional masochist, Louis. Love has never felt so dreadful._

  
In a way it's like knowing you only have so much time to live, and that's a very scary thought. Harry has felt it before. Knowing that in only a few seconds, everything will just. . . stop. Watching the population live as though nothing is breaking you inside, watching you fall apart and doing nothing to help you. So you desperately try to beg, and plead. Just to ease the pain for a small moment in time. Then again, would they even accept the help? With out each other, they're dead.

  
Louis thinks it's a lot like spreading fires.

  
_Only he is the cause._

  
~

Their both feeling a bit distant as the day goes by. Not from each other, but from reality. They are together in this feeling, just staring off as they hold hands. Not even touching or paying much attention to each other.

  
They're both just lost and drained from the feeling that they both know is soon to come. They're broken, and regardless of how they're right there in front of each other. . . it's starting to feel like a dream.

  
Louis is the first to snap out of it. Suddenly realizing that he is doing exactly what he said he wouldn't do. He wouldn't indulge in the pain until it comes, and he's wasting the precious time he does have with Harry. All he wants to do is make him smile, and laugh, and feel good.

  
He really wants that. So out of no where, he just rolls over, facing Harry.   
He looks at him until the boy is snapped out of his daze and just continues to stare.

  
 _"I need you."_  Is all Louis says, before Harry simply pulls him down in a kiss with a small,  _"I need you too."_

  
They both know what they mean by this. They need each other. They need the gentle touches, and talks. The whispers, kisses, hugs, and hands tangling messily. They need the gasps, the moans, the friction, the sweat.

  
They need to be one. In every way possible. Through the love making, through the kisses, the touching, and still the whispers. Everything needs to fit like the puzzle that they are. No more missing pieces, no more empty spaces.

  
They kiss for a long while, lazily, slow, sweet. But they both feel the kiss grow deeper and more heated as they go. Eventually rutting against one another, grabbing hair, and gasping for air.

  
 _"Touch me. ."_  Harry had muttered in a breath, breaking the kiss.

  
And Louis did. Partly because finally hearing those kind of words from Harry wanting to be touched, needing to be touched set some fire off in his body. And partly because he needs it. He always needs it. Needs to touch his boy in one way or another. Sexually or not.

  
Harry had wanted Louis's hands on him though,  _in_  him, caressing him and putting pressure on all of those areas that were too private to speak of. It was Harry needing it this time.  _He_  wanted Louis.  _He_  asked for it. It wasn't Louis doing all of it. Asking if Harry is okay if he takes off his shirt, asking if he could touch him.

  
Harry is  _telling_  him to do it.

  
That keeps Louis going. Giving him a fever and a slight blush as he rolls off of the boy and intends pull off every piece of clothing that had become far too uncomfortable in the past five minutes. But he stops just before lifting his shirt, he looks at Harry for a moment, just watching. waiting. So he motions for Harry to come to him, and he does after a moment.

  
Breathing as he rolls himself off the bed, he stands just a few inches shorter than Louis. He looks up at him shyly through his lashes, and he does the tiniest of a smile. Louis' entire world brightens up a bit when he sees it, and he suddenly just feels so happy. So happy that Harry wants him, and accepts him.

  
That Harry has him, and doesn't even know of the power he holds.

  
And so he gently lifts the boy's shirt. Kissing his shoulders and his neck, his cheek, and then his lips. He easily slips his own shirt off after that, quickly and swiftly before focusing on Harry again.

  
He steps just a few inches closer, and dips his head down to kiss him again. He notices the way the boy's lips are quivering. He isn't sure if it's because he's changed his mind, or because he feels the intensity.

  
The air does feel different this time. Like they've lost something. But they haven't. Maybe the air is mocking their soon to be lost love.

  
"You okay?" Louis whispers to him as he runs his fingertips down the boy's side, stopping at his hips and squeezing.

  
Harry nods, lifting his face just a bit and brushing their lips together once again. Louis doesn't kiss this time. He just holds his lips there and feels the breath against him. It's so tempting to feel the boys lips on his own and to not kiss. But he needs this, he needs to feel this. To memorize the way the boy's lips sit against his own. The way they slot together when they finally do kiss. The way they softly breathe as they do it. The taste, the smell, the feel. Everything.

  
And so they kiss again, finally letting their tongues lightly brush.

  
He can feel Harry become brave, feeling the small hands move from his shoulders to his stomach. He rubs there, all the way up to his chest and then all the way back down. He wraps his arm around him and then rubs his back. Feeling the curve sitting against his arm, and the way his back slopes.

  
He counts each one of Louis' ribs, and each of the joints in his backbone. He counts how long it takes from him to open his eyes, and how long it takes for him to grow hard against him. He counts the freckles, and moles, and how long it takes for his fingers to trace across his chest. He also counts the eyelashes and how many times they flutter against his too high of cheek bones. He counts everything that could be counted, and folds the numbers deep inside of his heart. So maybe if he's lucky, if they see each other again, he can count them again and see if anything had changed.

  
After he finished counting everything, he simply touches everything. With his fingers, with his lips. He traces his fingertips down Louis' body, and feeling him shiver when he does the same with his lips. Lightly blowing on his neck, and tapping below his belly button.

  
And Louis honestly doesn't think he can handle this. The boy who he had never imagined loving. He's here right now, touching him as if he will die if he doesn't. Soaking up his entire being and draining him of all sanity.

  
Then again, It's all kind of true, isn't it? Harry will die without touching Louis.

He grabs Harry's hand and pulls it up to his lips, he kisses the boy's palm before kissing a line across Harry's small and frail shoulder. Eventually moving his hands lower and lower to finally slip his pants off.

  
Harry had easily stepped out of his pants, pushing down his briefs along with them and instantly pressing himself into Louis. His skin is so warm. Louis wants him to always be warm.

  
And then they kiss again, Louis kneading at Harry's bum as pinches his hips, and kisses his chest, and lips, and neck, and hair. Not wanting to stop long enough to get his own pants off. Harry eventually nudges his hand against Louis' groin.

  
Louis twitches just a bit at that before looking at Harry, and he's simply smiling at him before he trails his eyes down and unbuttons the annoyingly cute pair of skinny jeans Louis had been wearing.  
It's a bit of a fight to get them off. Louis trying not to hide his face in shame as he constantly kicks his legs to finally get them to fly across the room and knock over a water bottle.

  
Harry smiles fondly at the situation though, and simply watches the way Louis reveals his skin for him. The way he has a defined happy trail that leads to the area Harry sometimes just wants to . . touch.

  
But he's allowed to , right? Why is he even holding back?

  
_It's now or never._

  
And so, He does. He trails his little fingers to Louis' thigh before they even kiss. He simply looks at Louis as he does so, and watches the way he closes his eyes the moment he feels Harry grip around him.

  
However, Louis had never truly explained lube to Harry. And in all honesty, no one has. He thinks these things happen with the burn and stretch. . and that's a scary thought.

  
Harry's hands are dry when he does it, and Louis can't bare to make him stop. It hurts, it really does. But it also feels good. It feels good that it's Harry, and that they are his hands around him. So instead, he simply halts the boys hand where it is.

  
He pulls himself out of the grip and allows the pre cum to simply drip. Now he's thrusting back into the boy's hand. Easing the dryness and hardly able to contain himself when Harry squeezes his grip tighter as he thrusts, and simply moves in to give him a love bite. Right there on his shoulder.

  
And no, no. He needs more. So Louis simply backs Harry into the wall, feeling the boy's grip fall and wrap around his back.

  
After he has Harry against the wall, he almost frantically kisses him. He doesn't feel like he can truly be slow right now, and Harry doesn't seem to mind all that much when he instantly is kissing back and gripping Louis' hair.

  
The move quickly as Louis simply lifts Harry and feels the way he easily wraps his legs around him. He props him against the wall as he kisses down his neck with heavy breath.

  
Harry's body is tingling and he's never felt so desperate in his entire life. He doesn't know how it had hit him so fast. But it did, and he's just going to go with it.

  
The feeling of Louis' stomach pressing hard against him and smearing the pre cum across the skin there is a bit overwhelming for Harry. It feels so good to be covered by Louis, held by Louis, feeling the force of his lips, and his hands. The gentle force.

  
Harry is easily held there, clinging to Louis with both his legs and his arms, back against the wall and head lolling forward onto Louis' shoulder.

  
_"please"_

  
And _fuck._

  
Louis instantly moans at that, gripping himself frantically.   
" _Shit, shit shit_!" Is all Louis says as he realizes he has no lube. They had used it before, and he doesn't even think Harry had noticed.

  
"Harry,I don't have anymore lube. . ." He says in a desperate voice. Wanting it so bad but willing himself to step down before he hurts the boy.

  
Harry only clings to him tighter and doesn't allow Louis to sit him down. He finally shakes his head and whispers to him. .

  
"Just do it."

  
"Fuck." Louis moans, tightening his grip again on Harry and pushing his hair out of his face, staring him dead in the eye.

  
"If I hurt you, Promise me that you will tell me."

  
Harry whimpers and nods. He needs it so  _bad_. . But Why?

  
Louis thanks Harry, and the heavens, and satan, and whoever the fuck is allowing this as he positions himself against the boy's opening.

  
Harry hadn't even been stretched out, and neither of them seem to really care right now. The fact that Harry wants it, and isn't taking no for an answer. The fact that he asked for it now rather than wanting to be prepped first.

  
Louis just. . wants to give him what he wants. He's just happy that he happens to want it to.

  
And so, he slowly pushes in. Very  _very_  slowly. He pushes until his hips meet the bottom of Harry's bum, and then checks to see if he's in any distress.

  
The boy simply has his head slumped on Louis' shoulder as he breathes hard.  
"Good?" Louis croaks

.   
Harry nods, closing his eyes and slightly wiggling.

  
" _How is he not in pain?_ " Louis thinks.

 

Louis decides to put the thought off as he pulls out and thrusts back in slowly.

  
Harry isn't holding his voice back this time. He  _wants_  Louis to hear it. He wants him to get high on it. So he moans at the feeling. Moans at the way he is gently thrusting rather than pounding into him. Moans at the way his hands spread across his ass to hold him up and in place.

  
Louis had nearly dropped him the first time the soft moan hit his ear drum. Frantic to grip onto the boy and hold him there. He is holding back his thrusts. Wanting so bad to speed up. . just a little bit.

  
Harry feels the way his moans make Louis feel. Feels how his movements have become somewhat robotic. Jerking awkwardly beneath him.

  
He knows he is holding back. . Doesn't he know that  _it's okay?_

  
" _Faster. ._ " Harry had managed to moan, instantly feeling Louis tense up.

  
"Yeah?" Is all Louis says in response, quickly speeding up rhythm and wanting to cry from the intensity of it all.

  
The feeling of being inside Harry, being surrounded by him, being clinged to by him. Not only the feeling of Harry squeezing around him, but the feeling of his skin against his own as he bounces up and down. The way he keeps his lips attached to Louis' neck as he is thrusted into with more force. The way his toes curl against his back, the way his cock is rubbing against their stomach and leaking onto the skin there.

  
Especially the way he quietly moans into his ear. Loud enough to hear, but quiet enough for Louis to know that those sounds are his. Only his. Harry will never make them for another person, and that's what really fucks him up.

  
Each little pant, and grunt, and moan that comes from the boy's throat is throwing Louis further and further from reality. Thrusting up faster, and harder. Sometimes pulling out completely before slamming back into the boy.

And yes, it seems a bit rough. But Harry couldn't disagree more.

He loves Louis, and he thinks he knows why people do this when they're in love. It doesn't hurt with Louis. It only feels good. So, so so good.

  
Maybe it only hurts when you do it with someone you don't love.

  
Maybe Harry doesn't love his dad at all, maybe. .  _just maybe_ , Harry fucking hates his existence and feels no need to praise him for giving him life. Simply because he's taking it away as he grows.

Louis panics when he feels the boy crying against his neck.

 

"Harry? Am I hurting you?!" He almost yells.

  
Harry only shakes his head with a small smile.

Louis is a bit more gentle when he picks up rhythm again. Cursing himself for being so rough with Harry in the first place.

  
Until he hears it. A very hushed voice spitting the most beautiful words into his ear.

  
_"I just really think I love you."_

  
~

That night, after everyone had retired to their less-warm bunks, Harry and Louis had walked hand in hand to the showers. Towels thrown over their shoulders as they bump into each other and try to avoid a certain stump that had fucked Louis over back in his stalking days. They both eye the crack in the wall, the one that had held their secret notes. And Louis tries to avoid eye contact after that, blushing because what the fuck was he thinking? He should have just. . . talked to him.

  
They eventually choose the last stall in the far corner to shower. Especially since it's the only one with a full wall to protect them from anything outside. There, they shower silently. Only the sound of small breaths breaks through the running water.

  
It's so, so warm. Running down their skin as they stand closely. Louis remembers for a moment the day that Harry had gotten soap in his eye. So he simply leans in and kisses his eyelids, willing all soap to beware the wrath of the Tomlinson towels.

  
He does wash Harry. Very very gently. He gives himself the pleasure to look at his skin in this lighting. To look at his skin like the day he had first seen Harry in his lonesome. Just like the second time too. Seeing him break in the shower, thinking no one had seen it.

  
He kisses the scars, caresses the places that holds his fading bruises. He kisses every inch of his body. Not in a sexual way, but a loving way. An almost worshiping way. And Louis wouldn't dare be ashamed to admit that he worships this boy.

  
The shower is slow, and it's clean. The way Harry leans into him when he washes his hair. The way he has to lift himself just a bit on his toes to do the same for Louis.

  
The way their kisses, and touches, and love just washes down the drain with the water. They're desperate to keep the touch there. So they just. . don't stop holding each other. Small kisses, gentle fingers trailing and tangling.

  
Eventually, after all of the washing is done, they just stand there under the water. Letting their bones just. . . relax.

  
And Harry thinks this is really nice.

  
It's too bad it wont last.

 


	12. The Pulling Doesn't Stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is fairly short, please don't hate me.
> 
> Also excuse any typos and my shitty writing all together!

 

 

 

The feelings are too much to handle now. Choking on the smallest of words, being afraid to kiss him. He suddenly can't bring himself to speak. He feels trapped, and held down by some unknown force pushing him back into the darkness he had lived before. Only Louis was able to pull him out, and somehow he's lost the ability. Maybe it's just because Harry is scared? Sick to his stomach as he thinks of what is to come. He regrets his decisions. Not being rational about how he chose to spend his summer. He should have never spoken, never kissed, never felt, and never loved. Why is it all so different now?

  
All Harry can do is be mad at himself for everything he's done. Because he loves Louis, and now he has to leave him. He hates himself, hates this summer camp, hates the season of summer. He hates it all.

  
He doesn't hate Louis though. No matter how hard he tries to. And he does try, he tries all morning knowing that in just a few hours if he isn't numb and not loving him, he is going to hurt. Hurt more than anything. More than the burn his father causes, the blood, and the ache. Hurt more than being comfortably numb, hurt more than hanging limp from a fucking tree as his breath slowly fades.

  
_He never wants to love again._

  
Everything is taken away, so why did he even try? Why did he fucking allow this. . ?

  
Oh, but that's right! Because Louis has this way of making Harry smile, making him feel something other than sadness. Brings his voice out in him without much of a second thought. It's just Louis, and he is so so so fond of this boy. Only two years older, intimidating to look at even though he is still rather small for his age.

  
Why did he have to be the one lucky enough to love? Why is the world letting this happen? Letting them be ripped apart and held away from Louis.

How is he supposed to mend from this? Can he even mend from it?

 

 

It's the third day. The day the world ends for both of them. And Harry has completely withdrawn himself from reality.

  
He isn't allowing himself to speak, or cry. He isn't allowing himself to touch, or kiss, or feel. Louis can tell, and he is slowly breaking because of it. In just two hours they'll be gone on their separate roads. It would hurt regardless, but knowing exactly what Harry is going to go back to scares the fuck out of Louis.

  
He does try to kiss him, he tries to give him comforting words, promises of writing and seeing him again. But Harry isn't having it. He doesn't allow himself to soak in the sound, or the promises.

  
In his own mind, Harry is making himself believe these are lies. Trying so hard to give himself a reason to hate Louis rather than to love him. He's blaming him for the pain he is feeling now, the pain he will feel later, and the beating he will receive.

  
He knows his father will find out about all of this, and it's not that he even cares. He just doesn't understand why he couldn't have just been a good boy and done as he was told. . .

 

 

"Harry, Please just say something-  _Do_  something!" Louis finally says after enduring the way Harry is just brushing him off. He's trying not to cry, he really really is.

  
Sometimes people say time flies when you're having fun. That's a fucking lie. These past few hours has flown by so quickly he almost gets whiplash when he realizes other people are being picked up to go home.

  
He panics even more after that, watching the number of people outside slowly dwindle. Their time is ticking and it seems Harry has plugged his ears to stop the sound. All the while Louis has to bear it for himself. .  _for Harry_.

  
The boy does look at him as though he is breaking inside. Louis doesn't know if Harry intends to do that. But he sees the sadness, and senses it in his aura again. The air is just mocking them, telling them that it's over. It's gone.

  
But Louis knows that's a lie, they still have time together. All the way until their cars show up. They could be kissing, and loving, and holding, and caressing. But instead Harry is sitting on the edge of the bed silent. Only looking to Louis once or twice. Louis is frantic though. Running around the room. Stuffing all of his things into Harry's ruck-sack in hopes that it will give him a reason to go to his house and take it all back. Take everything back that is his, including Harry.

  
It's small things like those that have Louis breaking completely when he notices  _that_  truck sitting outside. He has to look more than a few times to make himself believe that it's the person here to take Harry. He doesn't tell him that it's time though. He doesn't say anything. He simply sits down next to him, grabs his hand, and just. . gently lies him on his back.  
He props himself on his elbow as he lies next to Harry. Trying so hard to make the last few moments worthwhile to the boy.

  
"I'm going to write you seven letters a day. Thats 49 letters a week. If you don't write me back within that first week, I'm coming to get you and you're staying with me forever." He says as he caresses Harry's face, moving a strand of hair from his eye as he leans down and attempts to kiss him.

  
It's almost like Harry knows it's over now. Because he does kiss him back this time. Grabbing his T-shirt and holding him against his lips for as long as he can before finally letting Louis lift back up.

  
They look at each other for a moment, and Harry sees the way Louis flicks his eye to the window, not fully aware that he's even being obvious. So Harry lifts up, curious as to what was pulling Louis' attention.

  
He goes pale when he sees the familiar vehicle. He has goosebumps, and his breath is becoming more and more heavy. He thinks Louis might be an illusion now. Like if he touches him, his hand would go right through and he would realize none of this had ever happened.

  
But he does touch him. He desperately reaches out to Louis, and burns his fingers into his skin. He holds him tightly out of pure fear. Pure frustration that he is still feeling in their last moments. He wants to cry. But he doesn't.

  
They sit there, tightly holding each other. Louis rocking back and forth because for some reason he thinks he still has an ounce of sanity left to keep Harry calm. He kind of has to be calm about this, because he doesn't want to do anything stupid. He doesn't want to make it worse for Harry, or scare him even more.

  
He kisses his hair, and his forehead. He kisses his lips, and holds his hand tightly. He can also feel Harry's grip on his, and it hurts. He hopes the pain never goes away because it's Harry. He hopes it bruises and keeps his skin discolored because it's him. He needs Harry with him one way or another.

  
He doesn't realize that he really has no choice though. Whether Harry can etch himself into Louis' skin or not. He is branded into his mind, and his heart. Marking it forever. Causing so much pain and so much overwhelming love. Louis will hardly be able to stand it. Because When Harry isn't with him to balance out his emotional presence with his physical one. . Louis is going to break hard under pressure.

 

 

He can see the fear in Harry's eyes when there is a knock on the cabin door after a few moments. They don't answer though. Because maybe if they're quiet enough they'll think the boys have already left, right?

  
That didn't seem to happen, because it was his father who was knocking. Peeping through the window after a moment and watching how Harry's grip on Louis' shirt falls to his side.

  
Watching the way Louis suddenly has so much anger in his heart when Harry turns away from his quick kiss, the way he doesn't hug him. Especially the way he dumps all of Louis' things out of his ruck-sack and starts walking towards the door.

He is broken. 

So he simply pulls Harry back, without a care of the man seeing or not, and pulls him into one last kiss.

Harry's lips are cold.  _Harry is cold._

 

~

 

When he opens the door to the man standing tall and disgusting above them, he doesn't even flinch. The man is grinning at Louis, and then looking at Harry. He notices the way Harry seems different. Feels the way he doesn't want to leave. Why the fuck is he even feeling?

"S' wrong with you boy?" He says, pulling Harry into an awkward hug.

"Whose this?" He adds, and Harry just shakes his head weakly against his father, barely hugging back.

  
It's a show. His father trying to be nice to prove that he isn't such a bad person. To prove that he isn't going to beat Harry senseless when he gets home. To prove that he absolutely doesn't notice the way this boy, the boy with Harry, is looking at him  _like he knows something_.

  
His grin turns into a snarl at Louis. Glaring wickedly at him as he speaks slowly.

"We're leaving, _now_."

And Louis fucking sees the way Harry's father had gripped his shoulder tightly. As if Harry was  _his._

  
" _If you hurt him. . . ._ " Louis manages to whisper. He quickly regretted it and letting his words trail off as he realized the man actually heard it.

  
He had stopped dead in his tracks, squeezing even harder against Harry's shoulder. He quickly jerks Harry away and just looks at him. Glares at him.

  
The moment Harry had given himself the pleasure of looking into this man's eyes. .  _his father just knew_. He knew Harry had spoken, or done something to let people know what was happening. And without even realizing it, he was lifting his hand in the air for a quick and hard slap. The ones Harry hates so much because sometimes he bites his tongue. He doesn't like the taste of blood so much. .

  
But then he comes back to reality and fuck. He's surrounded by people. Some staring in realization as the puzzle comes together, and some staring at the way Louis was stomping just a few feet towards them and putting his hand on Harry's back.

  
They say nothing. Just stare. They're having this violent war with their minds. Killing, murdering, drowning, smothering. All of it. Blood and death everywhere as they just stare.

And now Louis' heart is breaking even more, as the man just turns around and paces away with Harry.

"Faggot." He had said, insulting Louis as though he was in middle school.

 

~

 

He tries not to watch. He really does, but with each passing moment it's becoming harder and harder to look away. To ignore the love being pulled away, to ignore that breaking in his heart as Harry weakly glances back before getting into that fucking truck.

  
He pretends this isn't happening, that Harry isn't currently sitting silently as the truck starts up. That his body doesn't feel weak, and his mind isn't fuzzy. He tries to pretend even as he grows pale and they start to drive away. Physically feeling the love being ripped from his body every inch the truck goes.

  
What hurts the most is how Harry knows what it is he is going back. How he knows what will happen to him, yet he's letting it happen. Letting himself be hurt, even as his savior is standing back watching him walk into the darkness.

  
Within three minutes, Louis is feeling exhausted and drained. But not of that matters because his entire soul is melting inside of him. Hurting him and making him want nothing more than to have Harry right next to him again. But he has to stay strong for as long as he has him in his sight. Regardless of how much his body is threatening to crack.

  
It hurts even more as the truck takes that last turn and they are no longer in sight. Louis simply can't handle this. He can feel that aura fade away, the smell of Harry, his touch. . It hurts too much, and absolutely nothing can explain the emptiness and worthlessness he feels right now. He's letting Harry go back with this monster and he is so, so afraid.

  
His legs finally buckle beneath him as the truck disappears, and he just falls to the ground. His cries are silent, but his mind is screaming bloody murder. His throat burns and he can hardly breathe as he just sits there with his face in his hands. He knows people are looking, probably laughing. But he doesn't care. In a way it's like they don't even fucking exist anymore. They have absolutely no idea what he is feeling, and he truly hopes no one ever has to feel like this.  _No one deserves this._

 

It takes him a few moments to contain himself. Finally standing up on wobbly legs as he wipes his eyes. He takes a moment to look around, everyone is smiling. And he doesn't fucking get it. The only source of happiness on this earth just drove away with a man who fully intends to rip that sunshine out of his body.

  
He is able to stay contained for a few moments longer, long enough to walk back up to his cabin on weak legs. But the moment that door closed, he instantly broke down again. Throwing everything, breaking anything that could be broken, and stopping to stare at his pile of stuff that Harry had dumped on the floor.

_Why had he done that?_

 

And now he stops, suddenly smelling Harry, and feeling the aura for just a moment.

It's his imagination.

  
That is until he flops onto his bed face down, and is hit violently with the smell of him. The place he had been sleeping. . That pillow is radiating the boy's aura, this blanket smells like him, the air in his cabin is Harry. And he isn't sure if he can deal with this.

  
So he simply cries, and cries, and cries. Careful not to touch anything Harry had touched, he doesn't want to spoil his presence. It's too delicate.

  
But those things are now his, and he will be damned to leave them here. So he silently and quickly packs everything. All of the things Harry had touched in one bag, and all of his less interesting things in another. He packs and packs and packs, and goddammit when did he get so much shit?

  
He's throwing out multiple things until he runs across something.

A jumper.  _His_  jumper.

  
Without a second thought he's decided that this is the one thing he will allow himself to touch and cry on that belongs to the boy. So he puts it on, and simply wants to cry again when the smell consumes his own body. Merging him with the boy.

He wants Harry.

He misses Harry.

  
And then he suddenly just stops thinking, stops feeling, stops everything. He wont give himself the pleasure to feel happiness. He wont give himself the pleasure to speak out. He does this and tries really really hard to keep away the thoughts of what could be happening to Harry right now.

  
He feels sick each time the thought pops into his head. A dreadful sickness, one that feels as though it's rotting his bones and freezing his brain over.

 

~

 

When Louis' driver is finally knocking on his cabin, he doesn't say anything. He doesn't look at the man, and he doesn't grab anything aside from the bag that contains all that is Harry.

  
He looks to his feet as he is walking, and ignores all of the goodbyes from the people who long for his friendship.

People think maybe Harry was contagious. That he had silenced Louis with his rumored demonic voice. All but Zayn and Liam had thought this. As they were the only two who even came remotely close to knowing what was going on between the two.

  
They had both had seen him break the moment Harry was driven away, and though Zayn couldn't be arsed to show his care, even Liam broke for them.

  
They both had felt goosebumps, they both felt sadness, and in all honestly, it scared them. And if watching was able to make them feel that way, they couldn't even imagine how Louis is feeling.

  
Again though, Zayn plays it off as though he doesn't have this unnerving sense of sadness in his gut, and Liam kind of scoffs at him with a tear in his eye as they watch Louis hold a ruck-sack tightly against his chest when he gets into the car.

  
Zayn speaks up. .

  
"Hey. . isn't that--"

" _Harry's jumper_."  Liam finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUST TO LET YOU KNOW~
> 
> Ill be updating chapters every three to seven days!  
> Im trying to work on making them longer, and i've gotten a bit insecure with my writing now that I know people are actually. . well, reading it.
> 
> So i gotta be working harder, and I also have to work a lot this week so it'll be harder to write chapters so quickly.  
> Be patient with me please!


	13. Numb Fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shitty shitty chapter. Sorry :c I was trying to make it longer but I keep flying through the outline with ease. I’m not used to writing anything as low as 2k, but then again they’re simply chapters~ Still gonna try and make them longer tho
> 
> Excuse any typos i’ve missed as usual.
> 
> im all insecure and shit now that people are actually reading.

 

 

Harry hadn’t felt like this in what seems like forever. In reality it was only about a month and a half ago since he was in this truck, with these uncomfortable vibes that he had grown accustomed to. However, now it’s different. He has this overwhelming anger in his heart and he knows he can’t release it. He’s never been so angry before, and he’s never known how painful it could be. So he cries silently , leaning against the window as Louis slowly faded behind the trees.

  
There goes his sanity. His life, his love, his mind. Simply standing there and watching him go. Maybe Louis really doesn’t care. He didn’t want to go back home, and if Louis had tried hard enough maybe he would have stayed. Even if that resulted in heavier beatings once his father found him . . Maybe Louis hadn’t saved him at all. Maybe he just made him hold on long enough to slowly rot in his cold basement back home.

  
Maybe Louis never cared at all.

  
He knew this would happen, honestly. The world is shit. People are shit. Louis is shit. They’re all liars… What he felt was an illusion that Louis had so easily placed in front of him. Opening him up and probably laughing about his pain. Fucking him gently to make him feel like it was real. None of it was.

  
Harry thinks love is a lie. His heart is caving in and he’d like to think the world is a giant shithole. Kind of like everyone is thrown into the ocean. His father, Louis, and others above watching and waiting until those underwater struggle for breath. That’s when they stick down that little straw. Just one tiny breath to keep them going. He doesn’t know if the straw represents happiness or hope, but he knows it’s there. Keeping them from just letting themselves drown. Louis was Harry’s straw, and just as he was ready to fade, he gave him another breath of life. Just so he would hold on a little longer. Struggle a little longer. . But now it’s gone. Louis is gone. And Harry is fully prepared to just . . sink.

  
And now Harry is unwillingly hitting his head against the window. His father had found a place to stop. The road is bumpy and dusty and lined with trees. This doesn’t feel right at all…

"What did you do?" He says calmly as he stops the truck and pinches the bridge of his nose.

Harry says nothing. He doesn’t look at him, holds his breath, and just pretends this isn’t happening.

"I  _know_  you can fucking talk. Tell me what you did!”

He still says nothing.

"Out." Is all his father says, as he opens his door and walks around the truck.

  
Harry does obey. He simply wipes his face as he opens the door and hops out. His father towers above him, snarling down as though he was about to murder the poor boy. And once again, Harry looks him in the eye and just shakes his head. As if he was better than his father, as if he didn’t care anymore.

  
He was rebelling and his father  _did not_  like it.

  
He simply grabs Harry’s face, gripping hard and squishing his cheeks painfully. He just looks at him, and he reads his face. He reads that something happened. He can see the glassy eyes, and he can see that godforsaken boy back at camp dancing in his goddamn pupils. He senses that Harry was happy, and that he’s done with this life. That pisses him off. Harry can’t do this, and he wont. He is his father and he will do as he fucking says.

He simply grins at Harry, and easily throws him to the ground. Listening closely, but not hearing a sound.

"Just wait until we get home." The man scoffs, kicking Harry once in the ribs before walking away and getting back in the truck.

The kick was rough, bruising, and painful. Harry faintly remembers this pain. Something he feels like he hasn’t felt in so long. It’s numbing really, bringing him back to reality. Telling him to keep his mind off of Louis, off of love. . off of happiness.

_This is his life._

"Get off the fucking ground!" The man yells at Harry through the truck. And he does. He pulls himself up, ignoring the way his bones ache. It hurts to step up, and it hurts to sit. It hurts to think, and feel, and… live.

The dirt in his hair stays the entire drive home. He does allow one thought of Louis though. And he smiles away from his father. Knowing that Louis is much happier without him, and maybe that’s all he needs.

 

~

 

Louis on the other hand. . He isn’t thinking at all. His mind is blank, wirring about and just floating around in silence. He can’t seem to form a rational thought in his mind right now. Everything just feels unreal, and distant.

  
Sitting in the confines of a car seems too big for him. He wants to be wrapped up tightly and drove around in a car far too small for him. Just so maybe he can find some type of warmth. He does think he might have a fever, then again there is no possible way his body temperature can be high at all.

  
Louis is sad. He’s empty, and just . . gone. He let him go. He didn’t even fight. He loved him and let him willingly walk into his old life. The life that has scarred him and silenced that beautiful voice. How could he have done such a thing? People are supposed to fight for what’s right, fight for what they love.

  
He fucking saw the fear in Harry’s eyes, and he hates himself for that. For allowing this to happen.

  
His eyes burn, his throat burns, and he doesn’t think he can hold on any longer.

The driver feels the off vibe from Louis. Seeing the way he blinks too many times to stop tears, along with the way he is chronically biting his lip. He feels that something had happened. Something is different, and wrong. Something is so _so_  wrong.

"Louis. . " He tries to soothe.

"Don’t." Is all Louis says. His voice is cracked and dry. You could hear him break in that simple word, and it was painful to hear.

"I just wan-"

"Fucking  _don’t._ " He snaps , eyes tearing up.

"Louis, I just want to know what’s going on!"

Louis shakes his head in disbelief. He scoffs and he grits his teeth, bites his lip, and chews on his fingernails.

"Talk to me. . "

"It’s not that fucking easy!"

And  _oh. ._

Maybe this is how Harry felt that day he had nearly walked out on him. He hates himself even more now, practically forcing the boy to break the silence.

_fuck fuck fuck._

He’s thinking now. And it hurts.

Louis stays silent for the rest of the ride, sometimes bawling without breath, other times gentle sniffles are heard as he stares blankly out the window. The driver feels the emptiness. And as badly as he’d like to make Louis feel better, or stop caring. . he knows there is no way. These are strong symptoms of feelings. But it looks like it’s something that cannot be fixed. Or maybe something too horrid to speak of. 

He sees Louis is broken in tiny little pieces trying so hard to pull himself together, only to shatter again.

 

~

 

Wow, the house is even colder than he remembers. No longer seeing in the colors that he had witnessed when Louis was with him, it’s all grey now. Everything is a dull and monotone color, keeping his mind from wandering to greater things. The stench in the house seems to be worse as well. Food and dirty dishes sitting on counter tops, trash piling up. Empty cans and bottles of alcohol. The floor boards still creak, there is still the hole in the wall from when his father had gotten too drunk and missed Harry’s face. Punching the wall and breaking a finger.

  
"Home sweet home." His father says, turning slowly to look at Harry.

  
The way he turns to look is horrific to the boy. Something that was so familiar yet seems like it was ages ago since he last witnessed his father like this. He is turning slowly, head tilted to the side, and gently smiling at him. He winks once before he speaks again.

  
"Now! How about we have our little. .  _talk_?” That man says gently at first before knocking Harry’s things out of his ruck-sack.

  
Harry hadn’t looked at him. He just stares at the ground and watches as his things hit the floor. He doesn’t flinch simply because he isn’t afraid anymore. He’s already lost any bit of good he could have experienced, so what’s left now?

When the first blow hits Harry, he nearly wants to laugh. He could feel his face throbbing after the hit, but he’s felt worse. Has his father gone a bit rusty?

With no reaction, the man slams him against the wall, hearing a loud thud from the back of Harry’s head hitting a shelf. The only reaction he got was Harry hitting the floor and weakly slumping over.

However, now he has the adrenaline rush.

"Did you fucking talk?" The man says, yanking the poor boy up and pointing into his face.

Harry simply trails his eyes to meet his father’s. He lets a slight smirk form, and now he knows he is done for.

He is tossed around, slapped, punched, kicked. His father had even thrown a few bottles at him before he was satisfied with the state of the boy. Shaking and bruised in the floor.

The man simply ignores him now, kicking his things to the side and taking his seat on the couch with deep breaths. He turns on the television and simply starts laughing at some trashy sit com. As if none of that had even happen, he’s fucking laughing.

In a house surrounded by sadness, the only laughter comes from the source.  _How ironic._

Harry lies there for at least two hours before he finally pulls himself up. His head is throbbing as he makes his way to the kitchen. The soft padding of his feet was enough to wake his father from his disgusting slumber, simply because the man was used to silence. Harry isn’t allowed to move until he says he can, and even if he could what the fuck makes him think he can go to the kitchen? Is he hungry? Thirsty?  _Too bad._

  
He peeks into the kitchen and simply watches as Harry fills a glass with water and swirls it around in the cup. The glass was dirty, but not as filthy as some of the other dishes in the room.

  
He gets one sip down before he hears his father stomping up behind him. He simply freezes before his father simply swipes the cup out of his hand and throws it against the wall, shattering the glass into tiny little pieces.

  
He grips Harry’s wrist and simply drags him down the hallway and opens that familiar dark door. The heavy wooden one with the picture of Neil Young framed on it.

  
He’s never been so relieved to see his cold and musty basement. But before he could even think about making it down the steps without falling, his father is simply shoving him, causing him to slip down four or five steps before hitting his ass and stopping.

  
"Did I say you could have water?" The man questions.

Harry says nothing. Fully intending on staying quiet.

"Have you forgotten the rules here, boy?"

Harry shakes his head.

And then the man is simply closing the door and locking it.

Harry knows this smell. It smells cold, not that cold has a smell. Maybe it smells like a window in the early morning, or maybe the way moss smells when it’s autumn time. It’s a nice smell, a comforting one. It’s his smell. Something separating him from the rotten stench up that staircase.

  
It’s musty down here, and it’s cold. But he’s used to that. This is the only comfort in his home he has. Regardless of his loneliness, and the way his mind eats away at him when he’s down here, it’s still his place. The place with the books, the jumpers, the tiny blanket on the floor, and the small light that doesn’t work.

  
He smiles a bit, thinking Louis would find this rather pathetic.

  
And then he curls himself up in the floor, pulls the blanket around him. . and just pretends he is back at camp. In the warmth of Louis’ cabin, with the heavy arms surrounding him.

  
Since when did winter come so early? Since when did he feel disturbed by silence? Why is he sad when he can’t hear someone else behind him breathing peacefully? And really, since when did he want to fucking cry about his aching bones?

  
Wait, it isn’t the aching bones, nor is it the bruises or the bump on his head.

  
It’s his heart. Buzzing each time he thinks about Louis, shattering each time he remembers he is gone.

  
 _He’s gone_ , and now Harry is alone.

 

~

 

Louis walks in and slams the door behind him. Walking straight to his bedroom and ignoring the man behind him with his things.

  
He locks him out, and simply screams.

  
He can’t contain this. How do you contain this? How can you contain such a fucking feeling? A loss? A love?

  
He screams into his pillow, he turns his music all the way up, he hugs himself tightly in the jumper that smells like Harry, and he cries with his face against his knees, huddled into the corner of his room.

  
He falls asleep there, lying down with his knees to his chest and nose tucked into the jumper.

  
He doesn’t feel anything now.

When he wakes up, it’s dark out and he instantly feels empty. This house has always been empty, but now it’s just overwhelming. The air here is dark and heavy. Just proving to Louis that everything he loves is gone. His parent’s are gone, Harry is gone, Everything is fucking gone.

He wanders around his house for a while, all of the lights are off and he just. . doesn’t stop to feel anything. He wanders through the living room, through the kitchen, walks into the bathroom and back out.

He almost feels like he is floating. Like none of this is real. 

 

As he is walking back through the kitchen, he eyes down the liquor cabinet for more than three minutes before saying fuck it.

He walks his way over to the cabinet, feeling so heavy, yet so empty. Like he’s having a bad trip causing all of the shadows in the corners of the house growing larger and larger around him. Consuming him with the feeling of just, black.

  
He finds cheap bottle of vodka. One meant for getting shitfaced rather than enjoying. He eyes it down for a moment, and is it worth it?

  
Yes, he doesn’t want to feel.

  
He attempts to twist the lid off, but his fingers are weak for some reason. Like they’ve lost their strength since Harry’s fingers weren’t there to squeeze, and touch. Eventually he just throws the bottle to the ground, crying in frustration that this feeling wont go away and he can’t even get a lid off of a fucking bottle.

  
How does emotional pain affect someone physically?

  
And now, as he stares at the broken shards in the floor, all of those love songs make sense. Suddenly the movies, the poetry, the stories. It’s all made for Harry. The boy he had but was ripped away from.

  
And now he is frantic to find another bottle, stepping clean on the broken glass without even flinching as the alcohol and glass cuts into his foot.

  
_Ah, Whiskey._

  
And so, he drinks in the kitchen floor, padding his fingers and toes through the alcohol and glass. After a few long gulps of the disgusting burn, he is giggling. Blushing, and kissing his fingertips.

  
"Harry touched this one, and this one,  _and this one_.” He giggles as he moves to kiss the jumper, and his knees. His wrists. He tries to kiss anything on his body he could reach really.

  
Some would say he was crazy, or maybe even obsessed. Then again people don’t realize that fine line between love and obsession. When you have your love, you’re completely sane. But when you lose them . . You truly do lose your mind. And obsession doesn’t seem like such a bad idea when your body craves the touches and the feelings.

Anything to get his fix, He needs him.

He needs Harry.

Sadly for Louis, the giggle level of drunkenness was over. And he had completely forgotten how truthful he becomes when he drinks.

His mind cloaks his giggles and blushes in darkness, making him want to claw his skin off, hold his breath, scream.

  
Instead he just cries. Sitting with his back against the cabinet, bottle in hand with his feet still spotting blood.

  
His eyes burn from the alcohol when he rubs them, and his throat is numb.

  
He thinks he going to die.

  
And then he blacks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha, i hate myself


	14. Autumn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS, Abuse, sexual abuse, homophobic slurs.
> 
> Well, fuck me sideways I hate myself.
> 
> Sorry for any typos, and sorry the chapter is short. I don't know how I manage to write them so quickly. (Also, note that I haven't given Harry's father a name. That's because he doesn't deserve one.)

** **

Louis thought he had died. He really did. Floating around until he willed himself to open his eyes. He had found himself in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by alcohol puddles and broken glass. His feet were in pain, he had small shards of glass in his fingertips, and his heart was numb. He was in a lot of pain, both physically and mentally. But he can't seem to let himself dwell on it, because his boy is probably enduring far worse.

  
Though he had never fully told him what goes on at home, the simply words " _he hurts me_ " was enough to have Louis' blood boiling.

  
It's been 34 hours since he last seen Harry and he is scared to death that the number will keep growing. From hours to days, from days to months, months to years. He can't handle thinking about it. His body had already broken the moment Harry was out of sight. Didn't even take him thirty seconds before missing his boy and crying his heart out.

  
How is he even coping with this?

  
Well, it's not easy. Day one obsessively sniffing and nuzzling the jumper, holding himself with hooded and swollen eyes in his bedroom floor, and waking up only to wander around aimlessly and get drunk.

  
He has never been so afraid to be alone. There is so much space, so much privacy, so much breathing room. . yet he can hardly move. Each moment that goes by drains him. He feels so weak pulling himself up onto his pained feet, his legs feel so heavy as he tries to carry himself to his room. But he has to make it there, there is something he needs to do. Something he has promised.

  
And so he wobbles up the stairs to the third door on the left. He's light headed, he has a headache, and his throat is throbbing from the crying and the screaming.

  
He holds his stomach as he walks into the room, and it's cold. Harry's jumper clinging to his chest doesn't do much to warm him now, neither do his thoughts of the boy. It's still summer yet he thinks the weather is trying to snow for them. Why is the earth, and sky, and atmosphere always connected to this love?

  
For instance, when Harry had left. That morning had been sunny, but as he drove away there was thunder in the distance. Like the windy night Harry had attempted to end it all, chills whistling through Harry's hair and into Louis' face. Telling him that if he wanted that scent to stay, he'd better find him. Like the way the sun had shined down on the sleeping Harry that was propped against the tree.

  
Either way, the air is cold now. Stale and silver. Making sure no one feels anything other than sadness.

  
And so, he takes light steps across his room, and finds his things that were so carelessly tossed against his bedside table. He digs through all of his bags and cases, and then he finally finds it. A glimpse of the handwriting has Louis' heart skipping a beat.

  
He calms himself as he thumbs over the words, finds a note pad, and begins writing to Harry. Just as he'd promised.

_"Dear Harry,_   
_Your jumper smelled like you when I found it, but I think it's soiled now."_

 

~

 

The morning Harry woke up in the floor, he felt something. Like maybe Louis was thinking about him. But that's silly! Louis has probably forgotten all about him, right? Regardless of the way he feels like somehow Louis' thoughts are transferring into his mind. Little words like " _It's cold without you._ " ringing in his mind, played out in Louis' soft morning voice. Cracked but smooth at the same time.

  
He allows himself to play the entire summer in his head. He had full confidence that he wouldn't feel a thing when he remembers waking up outside against the warm and comforting Louis. He wouldn't cry when he remembers the way Louis had taken up for him, and kissed him, and touched him gently. He absolutely wouldn't choke on his breath when he remembered the way Louis hadn't been disgusted with his body, caressing and kissing each imperfection before calling him beautiful.

  
He especially didn't think he would be curling up against the wall, preferring to feel the burn of Louis' stretch inside of him rather than his father's forceful one.

  
His confidence is gone now, as he lies there staring at the wall, ignoring the ache in the back of his head, and ignoring the way Louis wouldn't have allowed it to happen.

  
Maybe deep down Louis did care, but not enough to keep Harry. Just enough to heal him for a little while before he breaks all over again. He knows that if Louis had truly loved him, he would be with him right now, rather than alone, and cold, and sad.

 

~

 

It's silent in the house and there is no windows in the basement, so Harry doesn't know if it's dark or light outside. He's hungry, but that's a normal thing. He kind of needs to use the bathroom, but he ignores it, far too worried about going upstairs without being given permission.

So he sits in the floor, holding himself until his father is opening the door.

  
Something feels more off than usual. His father is holding something as he comes down the stairs, and once Harry gets a good look he panics. Jumping to his feet and trying to swipe it from the man.

  
He pulls it out of Harry's reach, and simply knees him in the stomach as he attempts to jump against him and scratch at his arms to get to it. The boy simply pulls himself up and goes right back to jumping for it.

  
Harry hadn't even realized he was actually doing this. He is going to regret this, but it's in his hands and he  _needs it._

" _He really wrote!_ " Screams through Harry's mind and his fingers hit the corner of the envelope before it being raised out of reach again.His skin raised when he touched the paper that Louis had touched, he needs to have it. He wants it now.

"Give it to me!" Harry manages to demand . Because really, he just doesn't care anymore.

His father shoves him back, and just looks at him shocked. He lowers his arm as he digs in his back pocket, still just looking at him.

"I fucking  _knew_  it, you talked, didn't you?!" He yells, as the lighter comes into view for Harry.

And now he is even more panicked, he needs that letter. He can't have it,  _no no. No._

But before anything, his father simply opens it, he reads the first three lines and instantly balls it up before lighting it on fire with a very displeased face.

"I knew you loved cock." He simply states. Harry's punishment today is going to be a bit different today. The words on that letter has raised an anger far worse than anything the man has every felt towards Harry. He wants to hold him up, make him admit to being his and only his.

"You love it, don't you?" He whispers to him, grabbing his face and pulling him towards him.

Harry just glares at him, gritting his teeth through the tears and smell of Louis' love for him burning on the ground beside him.

"Don't look at me like that, you little faggot!" He screams at him, ignoring the way Harry's voice echos in his mind. It's so pretty, so free. Why does he even silence it?

That doesn't matter though. Harry is going against him and it's not right. It's fucking wrong. Harry is a bad kid, a bad kid with a bad boyfriend.  _Boyfriend._

His father then stomps on the burned letter, laughing at the way Harry just glares and glares. He's not going to get away with it. Not at all. Glare all you want child, you'll regret it soon.

  
And so, once the smell had burned into Harry's system, the feeling of lost love all over again, the feeling of his own voice. . .he's done. He simply looks up at his father, sniffing once before looking to the ground to show his surrender. His father just slaps him hard in return, watching the way his hair bounces across his face in the hit. Harry keeps his face turned, and his father notices something. Notices the small faded mark behind his ear. The mark that Louis had left and is still slightly visible. It's been three days not since he last saw Louis. Why is it still there?

  
"What the fuck is this?" His father says possessively, pushing his thumb hard into the small bruise. There is no way in hell Harry has actually fucked someone.

"Harry, Has he touched you?!" He asks him, almost jealous. And then Harry just smiles into space as he lightly nods.

"And did he fuck you too?!"

Harry smiles again, closing his eyes and just imagining the gentle way Louis had with him.

"Oh, I see how it is. I fucking see." He shouts, completely jealous and mad over the fact that someone has touched  _his_  toy. As if he was a goddamn first grader getting mad about someone touching his toy truck.

However, the thought of Harry in bed with someone, with a boy as pretty as the ' _faggot_ ' from camp. It's a very heated scene to picture. After reading Louis' words, and seeing the small marks on Harry. Thinking about innocent and underage boys fucking at camp, where sex isn't even supposed to be allowed. He's jealous, but. . thinking of his boy doing these things. It's getting him hot.

"Well, since you like cock in you so much, might as well right?!" He screams as he snaps out of his thoughts. Knowing that he has only done this when he had drunk himself into a stupor of hot and messy thoughts. He'd never fuck his son sober. Well, at least he thought that. Now he is possessive and angry. He needs to put his mark back on him,  _in him._

He's angry when he pulls down his pants and grips himself in front of Harry, he's mad when the boy simply turns his face away from him when he tries to kiss him, he's mad when Harry had tried to fight getting on his knees, he's mad when he refused to put it into his mouth. He's mad but so turned on when Harry gags around him. And now he isn't so mad. Thrusting into his little mouth with so much force Harry is gagging and choking for breath around him. Weak hands clawing at the back of his father's thighs to try and get him to stop.

And now he is angry again, Harry had willed himself to deal with the lack of oxygen and just. .  _bite._

  
His father pulls out with a scream and simply slaps Harry again, much harder this time. The boy had bitten his tongue in the slap, and now there is blood running down his little chin, with the wet mouth, and the broken eyes.

  
His father pauses at the beauty. .  _No wonder he wants you_. . His father thinks, as he caresses Harry's face.

"You look so good with blood on you. . " His father whispers with an eerie and calm voice.

  
And no no no  _no_ , the words aren't gentle but his touch was and that is so so so wrong to Harry. He isn't allowed to touch him this way. Harry is Louis' property. Only Louis can caress his cheeks, and thumb over his lips.

Harry simply wipes the blood off of his chin and looks away.

  
"Look at me when I fucking talk to you." His father scolds, remembering how angry he actually is that his cock nearly got bitten off.

  
He grabs the boys arms, and pulls him up. Harry still doesn't look at him. He simply breathes hard through his nose as he is flipped over and pushed into the floor. He can feel his skin become exposed. He feels the chill against the back of his thighs as his father pulls his pants down to his ankles, and he shivers at the cold floor against his extremely limp pelvic region.

His father is extremely possessive in the way he looks at Harry laid out in front of him now. The fact that someone had touched him, and had them for their selves. His thoughts are on fire as he spits in his hand and immediately rubs it around his girth.  _"I'll show you."_  He thinks.  _"Ill show you how a real cock feels."_  He says lifting Harry's bum in the air for him and breathing in his ear.  
"Don't act like you hate it."

The first sound Harry makes is when he is lifted even higher by his waist, with his face held into the floor by his father's hand. He had thrusted into him with no warning, filling him up completely. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly, bites his lip and tries so so hard not to cry from the burn. But then he just stops holding it in, and he screams.

_"No! No! Take it out!"_

That little voice is ringing in his fathers ears, and he decides he likes it when Harry is screaming rather than silent. So he pulls out fast, and pushes in even harder, leaving Harry a quivering mess of pain on the floor.

  
 _"No."_  Harry would whisper with each thrust, _"No"_  he would say a bit louder as his father began to call him filthy names,  ** _"No!"_**  He would scream when his father began to ask Harry if he was better than the faggot at camp.

Each time he said anything though, the pain got worse. His father got faster, he felt like he was being split in two by each thrust. There is no one to hold onto through the pain, there is nothing good about this feeling.

It didn't take long for his father to finish though, only about ten minutes of utter pain.

He had released completely inside of the boy before simply standing up on wobbly legs, slapping him hard against his bum, and walking out.

Harry's hips are bruised from his father's grip, his eyes are even more raw , and his bum is hurting more than ever. It hurts to move, it hurts to think.

 

He wants someone to sing him to sleep right now, with his wet lashes and pale body.

  
" _Louis, I'm so tired._  . " He whispers into the cold air. Hoping that maybe Louis will hear him. Or respond to him somehow. He feels so empty, and he feels completely dead. It's not a nice feeling. Like being disconnected from life, but still having to live with the pain and loss. He's afraid it wont stop. This feeling willstay forever. Like he will be gone soon. Nothing but a shell, forgotten by his father, by Louis. .

  
He can just feel his life being drained out of him.

  
His body hurts, his bones are numb, and he truly feels there is a better world for him. One without the burn from his father, only Louis waiting for him there, gentle and warm with letters full of love, and lips full of warmth for kissing.

  
 _"I don't want to wake up alone again."_  Harry cries into the floor, scratching at the soiled blanket under him.

His skin is crawling at the feel of his father running down his legs. He doesn't want this, he doesn't want to be a good boy anymore.

  
He just wants Louis.

 

~

 

Harry hadn't eaten in days now. His stomach clenches around the emptiness as he sits curled against the wall of the basement with a book. He ignores his bruises, he ignores his dirty fingernails, he ignores his shaky legs, and his knotted hair. He ignores his own stench, the footsteps upstairs, and ignores the sound of the basement door opening.

  
He feels no need to hide the books anymore. They're reminders of something he was lucky enough to have weeks ago. Louis stays in his mind every second of every day, but he has forgotten his voice. Forgotten they way his fingers felt on his skin, and the warmth that surrounded him.

  
He just knows that Louis is the same as the season that is approaching. Autumn. Louis is the falling leaves, the cool breeze, the smell of cinnamon, and the color of change. No wonder he had fallen for him, because Harry is winter. Sitting behind Autumn like he is shielded by the heat threatening to melt him away. Autumn sticks with Winter, sometimes sharing weather in the month of October and November. Mixing their temperatures, and chilling those around them.

He just knows that Louis is actually a season. One that everyone loves and finds so beautiful. Regardless of the dying earth around them. And if Harry were a season, he would be hated for the damp and cold vibes he gives. Everything around him already dead and frozen. What is there to love about him?

  
"What do you have, boy?" The man screams, ripping the book from Harry's frail hands.

He simply looks at the book and throws it behind him,

"Get up, You're cleaning the house today."

 

~

 

Louis had expected a letter back by now. It's been a week and he's written at least four different letters to him. He's worried.

  
His parent's still haven't come home yet either, and the leaves have began to change. As time passes he feels more and more sick to his stomach with this loss. He needs to tell someone. He needs to talk about it. He needs to do something before he flings himself off of a building.

So, with huge doubt in his mind, he grabs Harry's jumper that still hadn't been washed, puts it on, and heads out.

  
It's a twenty minute walk there, and he isn't sure how this is going to happen. But he needs someone right now. Who else can he fucking go to?

His neighbors had waved at him with concern in their eyes as they look at how pale Louis had become. Tired eyes, with an awkward and frantic way of walking.

Louis doesn't even give them the light of day as he passes by, with horrible worries burning his brain.

Once he finally gets there, he has second thoughts. Nearly turning around and walking straight back. But as he goes to do so, someone opens the front door with their keys in their hands.

"O. . oh, hi." Liam says, looking at him with a worried and shocked expression.

"I don't give a shit if you're fucking him, get out of my way." Louis barks, shoving Liam to the side and stomping through Zayn's house as though he owned the place.

"Zayn!" He shouts.

"Zayn! I need you right now! I'm Sorry!" Louis shouts even louder, knowing that soon he will be speaking about his feelings, and that's scary.

As his feet pick up pace, he rounds a corner and is running straight into Zayn, knocking both himself and Zayn away from eachother and into the floor.

"Lou? Holy shit, are you okay?!" He says, sitting up and looking at the state he is in.

"No." Is all Louis gets out , before covering his face and just crying.

"Harry hasn't written back, Zayn you don't understand what could be happening to him!" He says through tears, immediately just spilling everything whether Zayn is willing to listen or not.

He had no idea he needed to scream and cry out his thoughts this badly.

  
Zayn simply pulls Louis into his chest, like he had done months ago when he had gotten drunk and cried about his parents.

"Lou, calm down, calm down." He soothes, feeling the way his tears wont allow him to breathe. 

His face is red, and his skin is far too hot. He's sweating, and shaking, and throwing tantrums as he explains everything to Zayn. Sitting there, in the middle of his house as if nothing else really mattered but Louis and his love life.

"I. . I had no idea Louis. ." Zayn finally says to him, hugging him tightly and kissing his forehead.

Louis feels better now. He feels better now that all of that is out of his system. Now that Zayn knows how much of a piece of shit he had been towards Harry. But why is he still crying? Why does Zayn's kiss unnerve him?

 _"Don't fucking touch me. ."_  Louis weakly sniffs, pulling himself up and wiping his face off.

Zayn just looks at him, and is clearly reevaluating his life for the way he'd been acting.

 

Louis didn't even have much he could tell Zayn. Just what Harry had told him, and what he had witnessed and been through with the boy.

He kind of feels like he just betrayed his boy for telling someone. .

For telling  _Zayn._

And since he told Zayn, that means Liam knows too. And whoever the fuck Liam trusts the most.

Which happened to be a boy named Niall.

Apparently Niall's dad works with Louis' mom. Because he just received a call , telling him to sit tight and that they were coming home.

Maybe Zayn running his mouth wasn't such a bad thing.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters are updated every 3-7 days!  
> Fic blog is bumfunlarry.tumblr.com! Main blog is gagforlou.tumblr.com


	15. Here, Let Me Give You Some Color.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeaaah, I kind of moved a bit fast in this chapter. My apologies but it was necessary. (I realized I called her Jay a bit late in the game. .)  
> Hope you got the reference that i made at one point in this chapter though. One involving a certain other fic *cough* c;  
> Also, I know i know, Typos, shitty writing. Please dont hate me because I love you a lot, okay?

**** ** **

Zayn and Louis still aren't really on the best terms. He's constantly knocking on Louis' door but only being ignored or avoided in the halls at school. That is, when Louis actually shows up to school.

  
His concept of time had deteriorated once two months had gone by without recieving a letter from Harry. He just stopped counting days, stopped remembering what day of the week was next, and even stopped looking at the clock. He just lets himself wander around his house in the late night, and sleep in until four in the afternoon. His schedule had gone completely haywire, that is until the nanny came back and brought it to his attention. Brought the fact that he still has to go to school to his attention, and when he had refused to go, his plan went to shit when his parents came home.

  
School had started only two days after he broke down at Zayn's house. About three weeks went by when he got the message that his parents were coming home, and they did. Of course, he isn't paid much attention to. But his parent's can tell that he is down, that he is distant and empty. But they can't get him to talk, they really did try . . Word from Niall's dad wasn't exactly detailed either, all his parents knew was that he shouldn't be alone right now. They just had to make adjustments and found out how exactly they could get home without missing too much work. And so, here they are.

  
Work is very important to them. They make good money, great money really. His father being a doctor who fixes the ugliness in physical appearance, and his mother being a fairly well known lawyer. She gets more swallowed by her work than his dad does. Before she had become well known, Louis knew she wouldn't be around much longer. She had spent months going over a case involving a young man who was put in prison for multiple murders. That case wasn't even assigned to her, but she yearned for a real case, for real work. She had kept her tabs, knowing about the rape of the doctor who had spoken to him, knowing when he got out, knowing that he had went to stay with that very doctor afterwards. And things got interesting for her when the evidence against him fell short. She knew for a fact that he was innocent, but who else could have done it?

She had only one tie with a person in that case, which was one of the police officers who had found more bodies hidden in a cave with the boy on scene along with the other frantic man.   
The aura in their family cleared up when the boy was finally proven not guilty. And she had been consumed with work ever since.

 

Louis does know his parent's love him, especially because they are here right now regardless of how he isn't speaking to them much. His mother tries more than his father though. He knows he also loves him, but he is a very cold and emotionless person. He shows up because he kind of has to. If it was something small, like Louis had broken his wrist or something, he would simply send someone to be there with him until he told them he was fine.

  
It's also a fact that his father trusts Louis more than his mother does. She worries for him, worries about his attitude and the people he hangs out with. She was definitely afraid of the time that Louis would completely shut them out. That time is now, and she wasn't fully prepared. Talking quietly to Louis' father in the late hours.

"He's never gone so long without going out, or having Zayn over at least once. . " She whispers.

His father quietly hums at her, knowing why she is concerned. But the thing is, she assumes it's because of his friends. Maybe drugs, or depression. And no, she isn't fully wrong. Louis would be appalled that the word 'depression' could be the word that describes the endless amounts of sadness he feels right now. No word should ever be able to even fathom this feeling. The rest of her worries though, they're wrong. They would have never thought that he had fallen inlove at the place he had grown tired of. That love was ripped from him and they don't even know that his small amount of composure and sanity is on the line each moment he doesn't hear from Harry.

  
Nevertheless, time goes by and his father leaves. Leaving him with his mother. And yes, it's a bit more comfortable. He can feel her concerned and caring eyes as he walks through the kitchen, ignoring his plate of dinner and simply grabbing himself tea. It's nine at night now, and he's feeling tired.

"Louis, why don't you eat with me? I know you haven't eaten anything today. " She coos, walking up behind him as he prepares his cuppa and taps his shoulder.

"Just haven't been hungry mum." He says back in a cold and dull voice.

He wills himself to make the shittest cup of tea in an attempt to get out of the kitchen as quickly as possible, but she stops him.

"That isn't how you like your tea, baby." She says to him with a small giggle.

"Don't run away from me, Can we just talk?" She adds, grabbing his cup and adjusting it to his usual liking.

Louis only sighs at that, and okay. Fine. But only because she had extended her stay and is working from home just to keep an eye on him. She is showing worry. Louis is also worried. Maybe they can put their worry together and find a way to save the boy that hasn't been spoken of out loud yet.

 

He sits at the table before he pushes his plate away. Because honestly, the thought of talking about this is turning his stomach. Making him feel like he needs to book it to the closest trash can, or bathroom, or window.

"Breathe Louis." She soothes to him, putting her hand over his and watching his face turn from red to completely pale.

_That's what he had said to Harry. ._

"Will you tell me what's wrong?" She says quietly, trying hard not to break him.

She senses the heaviness in his breath, the way he sighs shows that he is in a lot of pain. The way his hands shake and weakly move shows that he is exhausted. Those bags under his eyes shows that he is sleepy even though he had slept over thirteen hours that day.   
He looks like utter shit, and she just noticed how bad this could actually be.

"Mum, this is really- - um - - really hard." He chokes out, already feeling his eyes burn from the tears trying to force their way out. God, he is such a cry baby.

"Just, " He adds, before breathing hard again.

"He hasn't written me back, and it's been like two and a half weeks. . "

She sighs at that, assuming it's just a boy who had promised him his heart and duped him. It hurts, but it's also an easy fix.

"Oh, honey. . you're youn-"

"No, you don't get it." He swallows the lump in his throat in as tries to speak out. The words are much harder to spit now.

"Louis, I've been through a lot. I'm sure I can relate in someway, yeah?"

"No, actually. You can't. You wont get it." He says in a higher voice. Becoming more and more upset by the second. It's strange, really. He is feeling a lot more anger than he'd expected.

She's saying she understands. She's saying that because she is older she will be able to relate to the fact that her goddamn love may be dead, or in pain, or whatever the fuck might be happening to Harry. She is writing it off as  _puppy love_ , and cute break ups that hurt but then eventually make you laugh later. His blood is boiling.

"I'm not stupid, mum. You wont understand this. Just, stop talking. Listen to me." He says, just wanting to to get out of his system.

She simply nods her head with a sorrowful look, and he begins.

"Before anything, just don't speak up at all. Wait until i'm finished."

She nods again.

He takes many deep breaths. He shakes his hands out, rubs his face, bites his lip, and blinks a couple thousand times before the words find a way out of his mouth in one breath.

"Summer camp. I met him at summer camp. He's this - - this quite boy. Like, he doesn't talk ? People are always mean to him, even I was mean to him."

He breathes.

"Until i saw him. He always used to wear these uh-" He swirls his hands around in the air, pointing to his body and his arms. He can't seem to help it, but his words are getting caught in his throat and so much is trying to come out at once. It's so hard to explain it all. One thought at a time Louis. One at a time.

"Jumpers. . " he says quietly, thinking about the jumper he had folded beneath his pillow.

"I always thought it was weird you know? that you'd wear jumpers at a summer camp, because it's fuckin' hot. But then I saw why he wore them and I kind of got attached to wanting to know him. "

Words are flowing out a bit better now, finding comfort in the fact that his mother is listening intently. She seems to be picking up on what he is laying out for her.

"I tried talking to him, but he never talked back and I always thought he was weird for that, and I was all interested and protective over him when people would be mean to him for no reason-- but then something happened."

He leaves out the stalking, and the wanking, and the connection he had truly grown with Harry involving small notes and cracks in walls. He definitely leaves that out.

"He tried to kill himself and for some reason I just. . I just knew that he was trying to do something bad that night. Like, I felt it when i woke up that morning. I was the only one there, and I was the only one who would have saved him, I think. I didn't know what to do, but I saved him and i can hardly even remember everything that happened because it happened so fast. . " He's talking quickly now, trying avoid the emotion catching up with him.

"And I didn't know why he had done that until he finally talked to me, and it's his dad." He says, nearly breaking.

"He told me that his dad hurts him and- and it all made sense after that. So I tried really really hard to make him feel okay, and to make him smile. and I thought I did a good job, and he told me he loved me. But then his dad came back and took him away from me."

His mother tries to speak, but Louis cuts her off again.

"We promised to write each other secret letters, and I've written a lot. . but I haven't heard anything. . I'm scared and im worried and I don't know what to do." He cries, emotions catching up to him and hitting him all at once in those last words.

It's harder to breathe now, with his mother almost throwing her seat into the floor as she jumps up and just, hugs him.

Even through her own tears, watching and understanding why her son is so broken, she speaks into his hair.

"You said you were going to send letters, right?" She says to him, sniffing a bit.

"Yes." Louis cries, pressing his face further into he neck as he cries.

"So you have the address?"

And now Louis pulls back and just looks at her. Is she really asking this? Please be real. Please let something work out for him for once.   
He nods to her, wiping his eyes on his sleeve before looking at her again.

"Please, can we go?"

"Let me see the address first, yeah? We can't rush. . "

And what the fuck ever. It's been months! They can't wait any longer! Why? Why do they have to wait? No, no. They have to go  _now_.

"Mum, we need to go right now. . I-- I need to know he is okay." Louis almost cries, grabbing her arm and making her follow him to his room.

He quickly grabs the piece of paper with the frail handwriting on it, but he doesn't let his mother touch it at first.

"He wrote this, please be gentle. . " He says in a soft voice.

"You really care about him, don't you?" She says as she takes the paper between her fingertips and examines the address.

Louis fidgets beside her with a blush. . Because he does, and it hurts that he isn't beside him right now. He hates waiting. His blood is rushing back an forth through his body, his heart beat is going way to fast, he thinks he has a fever, and his fingers are numb. And then she speaks.

"Hmm. . "

"This is only about three hours away, but it's almost ten at night Louis!"

"No! N-no  _please!_  Please we have to go now!" He says, completely hating himself for not knowing where Harry lives. He thought it would have been a lot further, and the fact that he isn't far at all breaks him. The fact that Harry could be hurt right now and all Louis is doing is sulking and sitting around a mere three hours away.

_Fuck._

"We should really wait until tomorrow, we wouldn't be there until almost one in the morning!"

"I don't care! Please! I have to know he is okay!"

And his mother is simply nodding at the frantic boy. She has seen a lot of people act similar to this in her work. People who are stressed and frantic over convictions. But this is an entirely different story. It's her son, and apparently he's fallen in love with a boy who could be hurting.

Yeah, it's a dumb decision to go on a whim and just drive there. But her son insists, her careless and cold son is insisting on checking for the safety of another.

Maybe she should have the police follow them if she agrees?

"Should I call the police?"

"No. We just need to go now." Louis says in a blind panic, grabbing his ruck sack and walking out of the room.

His mother follows him, gently placing the address in his purse and grabbing a light sweater to throw on.

"Alright, alright. Calm down love, we're going. ." She says as she stops Louis mid-pace.

"Just calm down. ." She soothes again, thumbing Louis' cheek.

He's cold, he's shaking, and he has this hate in his eyes.  
 _This is going to be bad._  She thinks.

 

Almost immediately after getting into the car, Louis is quickly jumping back out and running inside. Ignoring the questionable look from his mother when he comes back with a jumper she had never seen.

"Is that his?"

Louis only looks at her as he holds it tightly against his chest.

  
_It's theirs._

 

~

 

During the first hour, Louis is panicking. He can't sit still, he can't stop turning radio stations, or talking to himself. His mother tries to calm him but fails as he just continues with his stress.

He is so so exhausted.

During the second hour, Louis had calmed down. Though he is still impatient to get there, he just sits with his head against the window. He plays each possible scenario out in his head. Wanting to cry at some, and smiling hard at others.

He is honestly so afraid of what he might find.

During the third hour, he is back to panicking. Searching wildly for the house that could be Harry's as they turn onto the street. It's a normal road with normal houses. They aren't nearly as fancy as Louis', but he wouldn't mind living in one of these.

"Alright so. . I think his might be at the end of the street. ." She says in a panicked tone.

Louis' aura is mixing with hers, they're both a nervous wreck right now.

He looks and he looks, and then he spots the numbers that he had written so many times on those god forsaken envelopes.

"Th-  _thats it!_ " Louis shouts, scaring his mother into slamming on the breaks.

Louis ignores the fact that his face just hit the dashboard as he jumps out of the car and just freezes on the spot as he looks at the house.

It's surrounded by such nice places, but this home isn't kept at all. All of the lights are on, but the yard isn't groomed, there is moss and mold on the side of the house. Half of their porch banisters are broken, and there are beer bottles and trash just lying around.

"Harry. . " Louis whispers, immediately knowing that this  _has_  to be it.  
His mother steps up behind him and simply takes his hand.

He has to breathe.

He needs to breathe.

It's one in the morning, the lights are on.

_His boy in just inside of those walls. . ._

 

~

 

The walk to the door seemed like it took forever. Louis wants to vomit as he lifts his hand to knock. He is so afraid.

  
His mother is behind him. She has her hand placed on her cell phone in case anything gets out of hand, and she can practically feel the eerie silence near this home.

Louis really had a reason to worry.

"Go on, Love. ." She says, knocking twice for him.

Before Louis could even put enough force in his hand to knock, the door is opening and the smell of alcohol and vomit is filling their noses. They try not to cringe as they look at the man. Shirtless with just his boxers on, bottle in hand with some woman lying on the sofa to the left behind him.

"Do you know what time it is?!" The man yells, looking a bit woozy as he tries to focus on their faces.

And then he starts laughing as he sits down his bottle somewhere behind the walls of the house.

"Heyyy! Hey hey! Don't I know you? Yeaah-" He hiccups and laughs a bit more before going serious.

"You're that  _faggot._ "

His mother is extremely unnerved and extremely pissed off now, completely ready to stand up to the man. Fuck the police, she'll beat his ass herself. But as she was stepping up, Louis places an arm in front of her.

"Where is Harry?" Louis asks softly.

"'M sorry,  _who?!_ " The man scoffs back.

"Harry, where is he?!" Louis demands, glancing back behind the man to the woman sprawled out nearly naked on the couch.

"He's not here, fuck off."

And as the man was preparing to slam the door in their face, he notices something.

He notices that as he stepped just a bit to the left, he could see further into the house. Spotting the kitchen. He saw feet. Small feet, feet that looked like they would tangle perfectly with his own.

His head follows the feet, and all he needs to see is a familiar curl before he throws his arm in front of the door stopping the putrid man from closing it.

He simply slings it open, pushes the man aside and looks.   
It is him.

 _"I'll fucking kill you."_  Louis whispers, as he stands there and looks at Harry.

  
He is sitting at the kitchen table, surrounded by piles and piles of broken glass, and rotting food, trash, alcohol. He is in nothing but a t shirt as his head lay limply against his arms. And oh, his arms. So bruised, his legs. . bruised. .

Louis is afraid to see his face.

When his mother finds her way behind Louis, she simply gasps at the boy in view and pulls out her phone, dialing the police and turning around to protect Louis and the boy from the man hovering behind them.

"Pretty innit?" He says, pointing to Harry.

"He'll do anything you want, really. Takes it like a man now." He laughs with a drunken smile.

Jay snarls and cringes at him as she lets the police just listen to the man speak. And then she sternly says the address into the phone and hangs up.

 

Louis simply ignores the man's words. Because Harry is right there, limp and weak. Probably numb. . He dodges broken glass on the floor, steps over a pile of trash and continues to try and navigate his way to him. It's taking too long, he needs to feel him. He needs to fucking feel his body is there, and alive. . so he reaches out as he walks. Trying so hard to touch him.

"Harry. . " He says, completely unaware of everything around him now.  
Harry is all that matters.

He reaches harder, finally taking a step closer as he steps over a pack of beer and touches Harry's arm. He is cold. So, so cold. He isn't moving. And now Louis is crying.

"Harry?"

"Harry? Hey, Harry? It's me!" He whines, watching the way he still doesn't move.

Louis is losing it.

And finally, he just picks him up. The weight of the boy doesn't shock him. He is so light. Too light. He needs to eat. And then he gets a look at Harry's face. His legs go weak but he tries to contain his emotions as he stands and looks at the swollen eye, the dried blood from his nose, the popped lip, the gash on his forehead. .

This man is trying to kill him.  _He's trying to murder Harry._

  
Once Louis snaps out of it, he feels utter terror in his own emotions. So angry, so sad, so fucking angry though, he's never wanted to slice someone's throat before. But now he feels like it's not such a horrible thing to do.

So he begins to navigate his way out of the kitchen, tears in his eyes and Harry in his arms. . it's reminds him of the day he had carried a fainted Harry to his cabin. That Harry was alive because of him. And now he's dying because of him.

His vision is blurry as he comes closer and closer to the man who did this. So so blurry, and then his ears pop, his face suddenly feels fuzzy, then he hits the ground with Harry Harry falling beneath him.

~

Louis comes back to when a bright light is shining in his eyes. He is surrounded by police cars, an ambulance, a camera, and onlookers from the street.

He doesn't know what's going on.

"W- Where is Harry?!" Is the first thing he yells. It's a frantic yell and he attempts to pull himself up immediately before one of the officers hold him down.

"Honey, you can't pull yourself up that quickly. Lay there and count to thirty. ." She says to him, tapping his hand.

He counts to ten before he spots Harry's father in hand cuffs, he is being spoken to quite harshly by the door of his home. But where is Harry?

When he gets to fifteen, his mother is speaking up. She can see the worry and question in his glassy and scared eyes.

"Louis baby. Harry is okay. He's being examined in the ambulance right now." Jay says, flicking her eyes towards the open ambulance with a small head of curls peeking from over a shoulder to see that Louis is awake.

Harry goesn't say anything, but Jay sees the way his eyes smile.

Louis came for him.

Louis saved him again.

 

"I need to see him, mum, help me." He says, trying to pull himself off of the stretcher they had placed him on.

"Sir! We have to examine you fi-"

"Oh,Fuck off you'll get your chance!  _Just let me see him_!" Louis scoffs, putting his weight on his mother and ignoring the pain in his foot as he limps over towards the ambulance.

He honestly couldn't have limped faster, nearly falling again when he makes it to him.

"you came. ." Harry says in a weak voice. It didn't even sound like it was forced out of his mouth. Almost like he was just waiting to say it.

The doctors had looked at Louis as if he was a ghost after that. Completely shocked that Harry spoke to Louis when he wouldn't talk to anyone else for anything.

"I'll talk for him. . just, give us a minute. . " Louis mutters, trying to shoo them away so they can't see the tears in his eyes.

They simply look at each other and nod.

"Close the doors?" He says again, expecting a bit of privacy.

They kind of look at eachother again, and then back to Louis.

"Oh for fuck sake, two seconds!"

And then they are closing the ambulance doors and standing just outside, completely confused and slightly amused at the situation.

Jay had giggled at her son in that moment. He's in love. It was true.

 

~

 

Once the doors had closed, Louis instantly grabbed Harry's face and just kissed him. Kissed those cold lips warm, kissed those pale cheeks rosy. He kissed and kissed and kissed, wanting so badly to bring color and life back into the boy.

"I missed you so much. ." He whispers as he continues to kiss him over and over again, grabbing onto him tightly and never wanting to let go.

"I never should have let you leave with him." He adds, shaking his head in disappointment in himself.

"Shh. . " Harry shushes. Which is kind of ironic. . that he is able to tell someone else to be quiet rather than having it done to him.

"okay. . " Louis weakly says, feeling cold fingers trail through his hair as he finally kisses his lips again. Soft and slow, they kiss. No tongue, just plush lips pressing together.

_This is real, isn't it?_

After a moment he feels Harry's lips still, and the weak grip in his hair fall.

His breathing grows heavy before he simply lays limp against the stretcher. Just like how Louis had found him. 

He panics as he swings the doors open, startling everyone near the ambulance and nearly hitting one of them with the door.

"What the fuck are you doing?! Help him!" He screams, not allowing himself to look at Harry again until his eyes were sure of holding life.

 


	16. Dull Rooms, Warm Hands.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiii guys, I know this took like 90 years to update. :c Im trying really hard to find time. But I promise, i'm completely committed to this story and I wont stop until it's done! Even if it takes me a week or two to update.
> 
> This chapter is rather important. So even if it bores you, just realize it plays a very important role in this story. c:
> 
> Excuse any typos, and please love me!

 

 

He doesn't regret ruining the boy. He wont miss his son at all, no. Not in the sense of a father at least. He will however, miss watching the boy flinch and cry under his forceful grip. He will miss the tightness of Harry squeezing around him, and even the way he gives in after a while and just lets him do as he pleases.

_But that's it._

That's all that will be missed of the boy. The only thing his father had ever even loved about him was being taken away and given to it's rightful owner. _Louis._

  
His father cringes at the thought at first. Of Louis letting those qualities about Harry go to waste. He wont make use of that beautiful crying face. . but that's the thing. That's all this man loves about Harry. He loves his pain.

Louis on the other hand, he loves  _all_  of Harry. From his toes to his chesnut curls. His shy eyes and plump lips. Those rare dimples and small voice. Even the aura of cold, and sadness.

_Everything._

Yet all his father ever saw in him was a fuck toy, a punching bag, and an annoyance. Yet he still finds himself watching them. Louis in this beautiful state of worry as he paces back and forth infront of the ambulance. Completely impatient and wanting Harry there with him right  _now._

He can see small glimpses of the unconceous son behind frantic shoulders as Louis yells loudly at them. He is cursing, and screaming at them to bring Harry back. Just make him okay again. It's making everyone nervous. It's hard to work with the stress of a broken heart weighing on their shoulders as well as a life.

 

Everything is fuzzy and quiet. Definitely peaceful for a man sitting in the back of a police car being titled a sex offender, and many other official-like words for child abuse, drug use, and buying hookers.

He had somehow managed to grow hard as he watches _him_. He watches the way he cries for his child. The way he shows his love with every blink and breath. The way he screams curses at those who are working on Harry less hard than they should be. Just Louis. Watching him break all because of the fucked up boy with the breathing mask.

"He's a pretty one." The man says with a glint in his eye to the officer in the front of the car.

He looks straight at Louis, licking those chapped and drunk lips. Trying to ignore the uncomfortable plastic seat he is sitting in, placing all of his attention on the throbbing in his pants.

The officer looks in disgust when he sees it. The  _thing_  in the man's pants showing an interest for the boy with the feather locks.

 

In all honesty, his father wouldn't be completely opposed to having Louis for a night. Touching those curves, wiping those eyes, kissing those lips, choking him with his girth. . . He thinks Louis would be much easier to love rather than his train wreck of a son.

And while that thought is a good one, he also imagines the two of them together. Grunting at the thought of Harry panting beneath Louis, spreading his little legs around him and opening himself up. And fuck, he is so jealous of Louis. , but he also wants him. . No,  _no._  He wants them both. Wants to watch them fuck and then have them both on their knees for him. Like some cheap porno.

 

The officer notices the grunts after a moment, turning to see the man moving his hips against the seat belt he is strapped in with. Obviously for friction. He doesn't quite comprehend what's happening at first, until he follows the man's eyes. Follows them straight to Louis, hearing him groan again, and then he flicks his eyes to his limp son. Rotating his hips faster.

Immediately the officer is starting the car and moves it out of sight, so the man could no longer oogle at the young and broken boys. He mutters quielty to the man in the back who was now throwing a tantrum, wanting nothing more but to look at them just for a moment longer.

 

_**~** _

 

Louis is going insane. Why Harry? Why does it have to be him? He doesn't even care that he is nearly pulling his hair out as he cries and screams at anyone who tries to comfort him.

_Is he going to be okay?! What's happening?!_

And just as he is nearing complete darkness, Light. Finally some fucking light.

"Excuse me, Your mother directed me to you after I spoke with her. ." A nurse mutters awkwardly with a tap on Louis' shoulder. He jumps at the suddent contact and only looks at her with empty and hooded eyes. As if he had completely lost hope in everything.

She stares in awe at him for a moment, but then is quickly shaking herself out of the daze and back to reality.

"Sir? Your um . . ?"

"Boyfriend."

"Your boyfriend. Yes, Your boyfriend." She says with a small smile. " He will be alright as long as he gets some fluid and iron in his body. As well as some testi-"

Louis had perked up at the first few words, but instantly spirals into worry as he interrupts her.

"What kind of testing? Why? What's wrong?!" He says a bit frantic towards her.

"Well, he seems to be extremely malnourished and does appear to have minor head trauma. We'll need to bring him in tonight, and we may need to keep him with us for a while depending on his test results."

Louis' face had gone sour. Jolts of anger run through his veins like wild fire as he thinks hard about what is being said to him.

_Malnourished?! Head Trauma?!_

 

The nurse saw the look in his eyes. She felt his anger in her bones as he froze wide-eyed at the words. She doesn't even fully even know the whole situation right now, but there is a boy in an ambulance, an arrested father, and a boyfriend on a rampage.

It's not too hard to put those together.

"Sir. . " She tries to say, watching him walk out of her grip with eyes full of hate, and swift feet.

She watches him look thoroughly at each car, tightening his fists every few moments as he contains his rage. And then he goes pale when he spots the police car hidden out of sight.

He simply starts walking, imaged of Harry flashing in his mind, images of this man doing these things to him.

By the time he gets to the window, his face is on fire and the police officer is stepping out.

"Can I help you?"

"Just a word with him, yeah?" Louis politely asks, forcing an innocent smile.

The officer stares at him hesitant to allow the grinning man the pleasure of seeing Louis.

"You can stay if you'd like?" Louis adds.

The officer eventually just nods and is walking around the car and opening the door. He stands close by Louis as the mass of horror is revealed.

Louis takes a breath and leans in to the man. Trying so hard to ignore the putrid smell of rot on his body. He shakes as he whispers into the man's ear, gripping tight onto the hood of the car as he does so. And then he is pulling back, resisting the urge to slam him face into the glass in front of him. He simply walks away after that.

Both the officer and the nurse are confused now. The man is suddenly breaking into tears, and Louis is swaying and smiling as he makes his way back to the ambulance.

What is happening?

 

_**~** _

 

Harry had weakly come back to about an hour after he had been admitted into the hospital. Jay had to contain Louis when the nurse denied him of seeing Harry when they got the news, and she had truly never seen her son so stress-fully exhausted.

"I just really want to see him, mum. ." Louis cries as if he were a child, hugging her chest tightly.

She soothes him with whispers and embraces in the empty waiting room, wanting so badly to take some of this hurt off of his chest. But she knows it will only get worse soon, Louis doesn't seem to know exactly what Harry had gone through. He seems to be completely blind to the fact that this boy's innocence was ripped from him. . She thinks telling him wouldn't be a good idea right now, so she simply holds him as he finally relaxes in her arms and begins to drift to sleep.

She softly holds in her tears, trying to stay strong for the both of them. She is honestly so proud of her son. So so proud. Saving this poor boy, loving him, protecting him.

She watches his sleeping face for a moment, and suddenly she sees it. She sees his face without the masked emotion he had chosen for that day. He had matured, and even as he sleeps the love shows in his features.

Louis is alone, and empty without him. Somehow this boy had fixed Louis as well. Had changed him into a protector rather than an enemy.

_Louis is nothing but good._

 

**_~_ **

 

About six hours goes by before the doctor is coming back. Politely granting them both permission to see Harry now that he had been moved to his own room. Louis completely ignores the warnings of  _"he's quite exhausted."_  and  _"He doesn't seem to speak._ " He just completely books it past the doctor and his mother, frantically in search for the room.

He may or may not have run into a nurse and made her drop a bottle of pee in the floor, and he may or may not have walked into the wrong room and stared for a moment too long at the old man just. . . staring.

He makes a mental note to buy him a brownie, because he looks sad.

But right now Louis is so, so  _so happy_. He can see Harry. He can be alone with Harry. He can touch Harry, and love Harry.

But he realizes that he may have to put his needs on hold for a bit when he slams the door open, and Harry is there, pale and bruised. Weak, and sleeping.

"Jesus. . " is all Louis can say once reality hits him that they're in a hospital. It's not the same warm and blushed Harry from those nights at camp. He's cold, weak, and broken. Louis allowed it to happen, and now reality was just smashing his heart to pieces.

He tries not to cry as he walks up to the bed, covering Harry's small frame with the blanket and kissing his forehead. He looks at him softly for a long while. He doesn't even think to sit down as he stands at the side of the bed and looks at him. Examining each place he had kissed at one point. Seeing how every inch of his body is completely soiled.

He examines the way his curls had dulled, the way his lips were less pink, and how his fingers were long and frail. He can tell that one day, those hands will far surpass his own.

He finds himself tracing his fingertips against Harry's palm that was handing limply off the side of the bed. Harry stirs only for a moment to look at Louis with a fond sparkle in his eye before turning on his side and falling back to sleep.

So naturally, Louis pulls himself up onto the uncomfortable bed and puts his arms around the boy. Kissing the back of his neck and counting his curls before falling asleep in the cold air that was slowly becoming more warm.

He swears on everything he loves that Harry will never hurt again.

 

_**~** _

 

"Excuse me, you can't be in the bed with him!" A nurse calls through Louis' dreams, making him jump awake.

He takes a few moments to adjust to the sunlight in the dull room, and the boy breathing evenly beside him. It's all he wants to adjust to right now. However, he can't quite ignore the angry nurse glaring at him.

Can't he ever get a break?

"Can you just, go away?" Louis says with his palms in his eyes, wiggling his toe against Harry's leg to make sure he's still there even though he knows he is.

He just, maybe thinks this might be like one of those dreams he had so many times in the past two months.

The nurse is still just glaring at him, and when she realizes that Louis isn't going to budge. She simply lays down her stack of papers, and is stomping out to find the doctor, or maybe security. Louis doesn't really care.

He stretches out for a moment or two before he places his hand back onto Harry's waist, just touching and squeezing. Feeling the life beneath his fingers slowly become more . . well. .  _alive._

He can't help but notice that the boy's skin had become more warm since the night before, and he has to resist rubbing his face against Harry's skin to wake him up and make him laugh and be okay again. But he knows that it simply wont happen like that.

This is going to take time. It's going to take effort, and love, and a lot of fixing to have Harry back to normal. Louis realizes this, but he doesn't quite understand the extent to what he needs to do. He doesn't understand that Harry is traumatized, he had been stripped of his childhood, and never been loved before him. But Louis thinks it's all worth it as long as Harry is smiling in the end.

Is he selfish to hope that he will be the only reason Harry smiles?

Eventually Louis feels his emotions weighing heavy in his gut. So much stress, so much fond. He can't help but smile and want to make himself vomit all at the same time. Instead he is pulling himself out of Harry's bed and making his way over to a small note that was placed upon the window with his name on it.

No doubt it was in Jay's handwriting.  
 _"Call me when you need me, just wanted to give you some time with him."_

  
And fuck does he loves his mother.

She had done this for him, she had helped save Harry and still accept him as a person for loving a boy that could have been bothersome to anyone but Louis.

  
He holds the note for a long while, feeling it's energy soak into his skin as he folds it up and slips it into his back pocket.

  
And now he is sauntering his way over to the multiple monitors and less-dangerous nursing equipment.

He plays with the stethoscope. he prods his fingers at a blown up glove, and he watches the beat of Harry's heart in pixel form. He doesn't grow bored of this at all, and he kind of thinks that maybe the nurse had decided to forget everything and just leave them be.

_Oh, that's right! The nurse!_

  
He slowly trails his eyes over to the stack of papers, and what the hell would it hurt if he maybe read everything that had to do with Harry?

_"Harry Edward Styles, Age; Fourteen . . ."_

He skims and skims the papers, finding blood work results, the number of bruises and where they are located, and then he sees it. He freezes on the spot and his heart stops beating. The earth stops spinning. Everything just stops.

 _How? How had he not known?_  
"Sexual abuse." Louis states coldly, letting the paper slip through his fingers.  
 _Sexual abuse. Sexual abuse. Sexual abuse._

_Molestation, rape._

He touched Harry  _that way_.   
He fucking  _touched_  Harry. He _forced_  it on him.

  
He looks at the boy, hoping that maybe Harry can tell him that it had never happened that way. That his father just hit him. And yeah, that's bad but now everything just makes so much sense.

Why he had just allowed Louis to grind against him that night after the attempt. He had just taken it.

Now Louis is second guessing everything and everyone. Had Harry ever truly loved him? Was he only saying it because he was afraid? Was he only having those heated and personal moments with Louis to please him and not himself?

No, that can't be right.

Harry spoke to make him stay with him. He smiled for him, and kissed him, and willingly touched him.

Even so, why the fuck hadn't Harry told him about this?

He wonders who else had known and not told him. . and now he just wants to break down. So he does.

Quieting himself in the small connecting bathroom. Broken sobs seeping through the cracks of the door and flowing through Harry's ears. Waking him up.

He lays there silent, listening to Louis cry . He doesn't know why he is sad, but now he is crying too. And if these wires and tubes weren't keeping him down, He would walk into that bathroom right now, and hold Louis close just to kiss his tears away,

 

_**~** _

 

Harry had been able to stay awake normally the next day, clearly taking note on the way Louis seems distant from him. He's kind of afraid to talk, but he does it for Louis. Only Louis.

"Did I- - do something?" Harry speaks out to Louis, who was sitting on a chair in the corner, just zoned out on the tv and ignoring everything around him.

He snaps out of the daze at the small voice.

"M'fine, everything is fine. You didn't do anything." He assures, trying to sound genuine.

"Oh. . " Harry sighs, turning over and curling in on himself and trying not to cry.

Thoughts of forced sex on Harry is flooding Louis' brain every moment of every day now, why hadn't he hinted it was that? How does he not know why Louis is feeling so distant? His boy was forced into this shit! And he's acting like everything is okay!

_Fuck!_

"You get to leave in two days. . " Louis speaks up after a few moments too long, trying do hard to alter his thoughts.

"Of course you still have to come in for visits once a week. ."

Harry only curls in on himself even more. Where is he supposed to go? He can't leave, he fucking has no where . .

Louis sees him curl in, and for some reason cant keep himself upset as he looks at the pitiful sight.

"Hey. ." He says, tip toeing his way over to Harry and touching his shoulder.

"I want you to come back with me, y- you know, it's that's okay? If you don't wanna i underst-"

"Please let me." Is all he hears out of the boy's mouth before he feels small fingers pulling at his shirt and pulling him down.

Louis kisses him for that. More than a few times, not quite letting it become too heated.

After a few moments of the soft and fluttered kisses, Harry pulls back and simply whispers.

_"Will you just hold me?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates on when I'll be posting next, either follow bumfunlarry.tumblr.com or gagforlou.tumblr.com !  
> Thanks guys!


	17. The Universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 16!
> 
> I know, I know. It’s super short. Only 2.3k words in this chapter, and it can be considered a filler chapter as well. Tried to clear up some issues in this one, and it’s important to the story so don’t just think this is one to skip over!
> 
> Again, Typo central up in this bitch.

 

     Harry hadn't fully been able to come out of his shell during his hospital visit, which lasted a week and a half. Louis' attitude towards him hadn't helped much either since he didn't exactly open up to him. The aura was both comforting and distant. One second Louis would be silent and sad looking, the next minute shuffling up next to Harry, careful to avoid his IV, and kissing him continuously. Harry wouldn't shy away from admitting that it was a confusing week and a half for him.

On the last day at the hospital, Harry was a lot more energized. He couldn't remember ever feeling this refreshed. He felt so full and just. . . strong. And though he still had severe headaches and aching bruises in some places, he actually feels okay. Perfectly okay, do you even understand how new this is to him?

With his new found physical health, his mental health is another issue. On top of Louis' constant mood swings, he hasn't been able to escape his nightmares which had grown far worse since his father was put away. The fear of him finding Harry again, the fear of him touching him, and forcing him, and 'loving' him. It's all so much to take in. Though Louis had been there each night when he had woken up shaking, he still can't seem to feel comfortable with these too-real dreams. I mean, yeah. He has lived out a life of those dreams since he was very young. But now everything has changed, and he isn't completely certain that he can live normally now. Especially with having to re-live it all when he is tired and sleepy from a day's work.

He hadn't had anything to pack when it was time to leave the hospital, all he walked out with was Louis. And even that felt uneasy. Knowing he was going home with Louis made him happy, but then it made him sad because Louis didn't seem too keen on the thought of having him there for some reason.

He still looks at Harry with fond eyes, and still seems to feel for him, but has he grown bored? Why is he so distant now?

_Where has his Louis gone?_

 

_**~** _

 

It's much colder out now, snow is falling as he walks hand in hand with Harry to the car waiting outside. It's his usual driver, the one who had dropped him at camp, and picked him up. The one who seemed to always care about Louis' personal life, and the one who witnessed Louis break down numerous times over said boy. The boy who was now shuffling uncomfortably into the seat. The one who just seems too small to the world.

Louis can't help but think, and think, and think. About how Harry is safe now, about how angry he is at himself, and the entire universe. About how Harry hadn't straight out told him that he fucking gets raped. How could he have not told him?

Then again, he can't fully blame Harry, and he hates himself for being upset with him. .

He feels like such a terrible boyfriend.

He looks over at Harry who was closing in on himself again, shivering in the hoodie Louis had put on him. So he decides maybe, he should just talk to Harry. Ask him, soothe him, hush him, kiss him. Just make him smile. .

"Hey. . " Louis whispers, as he unbuckles himself and scoots closer to Harry. He isn't satisfied with the closeness until their legs are touching and he curls his foot around his right leg, soothing him with the touch hopefully.

Harry leans into the touch quickly. Like he had been waiting for Louis' mood to turn into the cuddle mood again. Being out in the world again is beginning to make him nervous, and without Louis' comfort he doesn't really want to go through with any of this.

He leans on him, just nodding his head to show that he was listening.

"Can. . we talk?" Louis asks quietly again, propping his chin on top of Harry's head and smelling the shampoo he had washed him with this morning.

He can feel Harry freeze in his arms. He doesn't know if it's because he wants him to talk, or because the words all together are scary for him. He hadn't really done a lot of talking the past stay in the hospital, and maybe that was a good thing. But now it's kind of needed.

"Or. . just hear me out?" He whispers again, and Harry lifts his head this time.

He looks at Louis worried. His eyelashes are already wet, and he can see his lip quiver as he holds in the tears.

"It's nothing to worry about! Please don't look at me like that! Calm down. ." Louis panics, alerting the driver.

He makes eye contact with him in the mirror and just glares.

"I hear nothing." Is all he says, as he averts his eyes back to the road and turns up the radio slightly.

Harry says nothing again, but he slightly nuzzles his face into Louis neck, wrapping his arms around his waist and clinging. He simply nods with a sniffle against him. Louis resists smiling as he grips Harry's arms, and holds them against himself tighter in fear that maybe he will fade away.

"I just. . I don't know how to ask but, Harry? Why didn't you- - i mean, why didn't you tell me he--" Louis swallows hard, finding it hard to force the words out of his mouth. 

"hurt you. . -  _s-sexually_?"

Harry relaxes into his grip, like maybe he was prepared for far worse. Like Louis breaking up with him, or asking if he had any other family he could stay with so he doesn't have to deal with him.

He speaks against Louis' neck, gripping tighter.

"I didn't. . " he says, cutting himself short before starting again.

"I didn't want him to find out. . "

Louis holds him tighter, if that's even possible. In a way it's a relief that Harry didn't respond with  _"i didn't think it was important."_  , or  _"I didn't think you'd care."_

The fact that Harry hadn't told him simply because he was afraid, that's enough for Louis to feel the weight lifting. It's not that Harry hadn't trusted him, it's because he was afraid to say too much. And he couldn't blame Harry for being afraid. He saw first hand what he was dealing with at home, and he can't help but hate himself a tiny bit more for allowing it. .

 

_**~** _

 

Walking in to Louis' home was quite surreal for Harry. Eyeing down the cleanliness, and the open spaces that seem to be filled with comfort regardless of the emptiness. He feels like he could wander around forever, whereas in his own home. . his basement was no bigger than half of Louis' kitchen.

Stainless steel appliances, leather furniture, a large tv and all of the up to date game systems and games. All of the art on the walls makes up for the lack of family portraits. And the carpet that runs throughout the house makes Harry just want to mush his face into it and sleep there forever.

He could never fathom being welcomed into a home like this.

Once he gets to Louis' room, shyly trailing behind him. It all kind of makes sense. His room is big, but the amount of stuff he has makes it look small. Clothes thrown around, posters plastered to every inch of his walls, a laptop, and a desktop sits in the far corner on a desk. And then there is a dresser, a side table, a large bed, and a closet which looks like it had been forced to stay shut.

Harry stares in awe at the room, trying to take in the fact that it just screams  _'Louis!'_  , the smell is Louis, the aura is Louis, the colors, the posters, the clothes, the room itself is Louis. He had been thrown into some type of Louis trance, and he nearly misses the way Louis smiles at him as he removes something from his bag.

"I uh, I've been keeping this safe for you. I was going to give it back at the hospital but I didn't quite want to part with it yet. But you're here now, and I know i'm going to have you here with me, so. . ." Louis explains frantically, waving his hands with the thin jumper in his grip.

Harry just looks at it for a while.

_So that's where it went. ._

  
He's glad Louis kept it. It was his favorite jumper, and he's glad that Louis had something to always remember him by. Because what if he had truly forgotten? Harry hadn't had the pleasure of keeping any of Louis' things, he would have killed for one of his shirts or hoodies on those cold and empty nights, where he lay with an aching body and a bleeding heart.

He's just really happy Louis was doing better than him these past few months. .

"I- - " Harry somehow can't find his voice again. . So he simply brushes the jumper into Louis' chest and holds his firm grip there.

"You. . want me to keep it?" Louis says, looking at him.

Harry only nods as he watches Louis weakly smile with a small "okay." and a hard blush dusted across his cheeks.

"Then I want you to keep that hoodie." Louis states after he shakes his blush off, poking Harry's stomach through the hoodie he was wearing.

He nods back to him, happy that he has something of Louis' to keep.

 

 

A long moment of silence goes by as they just sit on Louis' bed. Both were too shy to touch the other for some reason. Like maybe this new atmosphere made it just a bit heavy for the both of them. Knowing that it's not a temporary stay, that it's not a hospital or a summer camp cabin. This is Louis' personal space. This is where he lives. And now this is where Harry lives too. On top of that, knowing Harry had been forcefully touched, Louis isn't so sure of himself anymore. He truly doesn't even know if what they had done at summer camp was. . okay?

After a few more moments of glances and slight touches before pulling back, Louis sighs out.

"I really missed you. " He says it as though he needed to confirm again that he had missed him. Though he had stayed with him the entire time in the hospital, he feels like he didn't show Harry enough at the time.

Harry nods politely at it, still afraid of crossing some non existent line between himself and Louis.

And now, Louis can't truly seem to hold back. After speaking the words, he just feels the urge again. The urges he got from before, to touch Harry, to feel him, to let him know that everything will be okay as long as he is there. And now Louis isn't going anything. There is nothing here to take him away, no father to rip Harry away.

It's just them. Alone in Louis' room with nothing but air to share, and space to spoil with their love.

"I, I can't take this." Louis stutters, and he leans forward simultaneously reaching for Harry's face. He realizes mid way that Harry already had his face turned and tilted for him as he leaned in, and he takes that as an invitation.

They kiss. Just a small kiss. One kiss, two kisses, three kisses, and now Louis locks his lips against Harry's. Letting his lips lazily trace his feeling's into the boy's blushed and warm lips with a passion he hadn't been able to truly release.

It's strange, this is the realest kiss he has felt since summer camp with Harry. The kiss in the ambulance was from straight fear, not quite able to let himself enjoy it before the boy fell limp before him. Those kisses in the hospital. They felt weighed heavily with too many secrets. But now all of that is cleared up, and there is nothing else in their way but each other.

  
"I really  _really_  missed you. ." Louis whispers to him as he breaks the kiss.

  
Neither open their eyes, because they weren't quite finished yet. Harry simply nods, knowing that Louis couldn't see it, but he could probably feel it. Harry was the one who leaned in this time, tracing his frail fingers into Louis' hair and they kiss again.

After a few moments, they find themselves lying on the bed. Louis with his legs tangled up in Harry's as he lay on top of him. Just kissing.

  
It was nice. Nothing forced or weighed with sadness. It's just them.

 

_**~** _

 

Louis' mother had been home the whole time, not bothering them, but watching over them at the same time.

  
Harry hadn't been able to speak to her when she spoke to him, she didn't really mind all that much. Regardless of how much she wonders about it. If the boy had always been silent, how on earth had Louis of all people opened him up?

  
How could they have even fallen in love in such a situation?

  
Little does she know, they both were lost. They were both confused and just, really needed someone regardless of how much they both avoided it.

In reality, Harry had always held a fondness for Louis. Through the bullying and days of absolutely hating him. He remembers how he had been the only child who had tried to play with him, or give him ice pops when they were children.

Louis was sent to the camp every single year for as long as Harry had been there. It's like the love was there, dangling in front of them, but they both were too stupid or ignorant to realize until the earth itself had to move and show them. Pushing Louis with wind, and pulling Harry with warmth.

They had seen the same sun, the same moon and stars. The earth had always managed to keep them connected somehow. Even though everyone was against them, they had the universe on their side.

  
Harry wants to thank the air, the grass, the sun, and the moon for Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind, for more updates on when im posting next you can follow gagforlou.tumblr.com or bumfunlarry.tumblr.com!


	18. China Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update! Let me warn you, My author’s note is a legit novel, but it’s a bit important that I let all of you guys know too.  
> So so so sorry that it’s taken so long, Luckily,I thought I had to wait until I could go into town to go to wifi hotspots and stuff; Our car is currently broken down so I thought things were looking down. . BUT ,I found out that the little park by my house picks up wifi, so updates will be posted normally now! I’ve already written the remaining chapters, but I’m not posting in bulk. You will be updated every week! So as of right now, There is twenty one chapters and an epilogue! There will also be an appreciation post after everything is finished thanking the individuals who had helped me through out outlining the fic. As well as those who had pushed me to be confident in writing it! The prompter will get a huge thanks and I hope that you all check her out when the time comes.
> 
> As for this chapter, I put a lot of love and emotion into it, as I usually do. I tried to make it longer (10k word chaper WHOOOOO) (all the remaining chapters will be written full of emotion and love. so yes, they will all be longer too.), and writing this one all together completely exhausted me both physically and emotionally. Half of it was written on paper when I was on the plane from Philadelphia to Tennessee, and the rest was written during tired nights where I just felt extremely small and pathetic. I hope the exhaustion doesn’t show, but even if it did, it kind of matches the whole angsty mood of the story, yeah? Anyway, once again, it’s not proof read (Might be looking for someone to beta my stories by the way!) So I apologize for any typos or just terrible writing all together! I hope you guys like it! I love getting your feedback so please do say absolutely anything. Even if it’s critique!  
> Oh yeah, and honest to god, I didnt even intend on the “Strong” reference in this chapter. . It just kind of happened. (didn’t intend on that either but yeah. It it was it is.)(I absolutely intended on that one. Huehue i make myself giggle, please punch me.)
> 
>  
> 
> T R I G G E R W A R N I N G ; )) Abuse, and sexual abuse. Some opinions are shared in this that could be offensive given the right reader. But please realize, Louis is still considered a “bad boy” regardless of how soft he has become. These are not my opinions and I apologize if it offends anyone.(referring to how a ‘normal gay boy’ would dress.)
> 
> PS. I know robin isn’t a ‘Styles’ , shhh.

 

 

Harry had become quite comfortable in Louis' house. Warming up to Louis even outside of his bedroom. Jay was even a bit shocked when he had murmured a small " _Thank you_ " when she had placed a plate of waffles in front of him; of course, with Louis off to the the side cheering him on.

Louis is quite happy that Harry is less tense now. Easily going on his tip-toes to kiss him good bye every morning when his mother urges Louis to go to school. Which is kind of pointless because the majority of his time there is spent thinking about Harry and what he wants to do for him when he gets home.

Much to his pleasure, Zayn seems to have been skipping school just as much as he wishes he could. He doesn't think he could handle facing Zayn after his last visit, and all of the things that have happened since then. He can admit that he doesn't exactly dislike the guy, but he still certainly isn't too fond of him either. He isn't even sure if Zayn even knows of what has been happening. That Louis had acted on pure gut feeling and saved his boy yet again, then again he doesn't really think Zayn would find much of an interest in his silly fairy tale love life.

Which is kind of what it is, isn't it? Harry being kept and silenced by his wicked step father, and Louis being the prince to swoosh in and steal the princess away. Harry certainly does play that part well, not even realizing it. Louis thinks about it a lot actually. The way the boy stands with his legs together, and the way all of his touches are gentle. The way the boy moves is delicate, and even with his voice growing louder in time--It's just as frail as the rest of him. He's afraid he will shatter the little china boy sometimes. So he's always extra careful when he touches him. When they kiss, and hold each other at night. Even when he stands next to Harry like a proud lion as they brush their teeth, resisting the urge to place him on the counter and kiss the mint out of his mouth.

The boy is so delicate. And Louis truly didn't think he could love anymore than he loved on those warm summer nights with Harry sleeping sounding against his chest. Yet here he is, loving him more and more by the second. Just looking at the boy has Louis' heart swelling and threatening to melt out of his body.

Harry, on the other hand, doesn't feel much different from Louis about the situation. The fact that he hadn't realized this feeling truly existed before he met him-- i mean  _truly_  met Louis, that was the only difference. It had hit him so hard he completely rebelled against himself, and the man who held the scissors to his life line in an attempt to feel the love for just a few more moments. He was truly so frightened, every moment of every day for the moment Louis would laugh and say it was all a joke. That he would never love Harry, and guide him to the very tree he had saved him from, laughing all the while. But that never happened. Louis was nothing but gentle to him, even when he had basically thrown himself onto Harry. He protected him fiercely, and did everything he could to make him feel safe. He never once even hinted that his love was a joke, and the moment he realized Louis truly loved him. . His father was there to remind him that he couldn't have him.

But even then Louis wrote. He wrote several letters, all that were read by his father and burned in front of him. He had no idea how Louis felt in that time when they weren't together. But the fact that Louis came in so suddenly was enough to tell Harry that he was wanted. There was a place where he was wanted, with a person that loved him.

He still remembers sitting limply at the table before Louis came. His father had let Harry out of the basement that day after smashing his body to peices against walls and tables. He was practically dragged up stairs where the woman that was then naked, just laughed at him. He couldn't fathom how his father managed to find friends that thought this was okay, but then again, he seemed to always find a way to hurt him without getting caught.

After he had thrown him around a bit more, his father simply sat Harry in the floor in front of the couch, and told him that if he didn't watch, he would find Louis. And oh yeah, now that his father had realized that Louis was a new trigger point on Harry, that's all that had to be said before he obediently opened his eyes and simply watched. Watched as his father fucked this woman roughly. He had been looking at Harry the whole time though. And he wasn't sure if it was because he was making sure he obeyed, or because he was thinking about him, rather than the loose woman below him. It's was unnerving either way.

After the man had come on the woman's face, he simply scooped most of his mess up with his fingers and walked over to Harry. Forcing his fingers into the boy's mouth and gagging him multiple times before the boy finally swallowed with a scoff.

That scoff had earned Harry another beating. His father picking up a full bottle and throwing it at him, hitting the boy in the head with it before slapping him once. Harry once again just slumped over, crying loudly as he held his head in his hands. He couldn't tell if he was bleeding, and he honestly didn't really care. It hurt so badly, like his brain was just splattered on the wall behind him. He thinks he's about to die, feeling his brain beat like his heart in his ears. Or maybe that's his heart. It's all a bit fuzzy for him as he weakly pulls himself up to his feet and makes his way to the kitchen, ignoring his father's protests of him crying and then getting up without being told to do so. The man doesn't seem to care all that much as just another bottle was thrown at miss and barely missed. So harry happily sips his small glass of water and slumps over the kitchen table. He can feel his stomach protest the clear liquid, but he doesn't seem to care. He can't feel his body much right now anyway.

Everything went black. Into a state he had somehow become accustomed to. It was almost the same as when he went into shock. Just floating around in an uncomfortable atmosphere, darkness swallowing him up. He begins to feel his breath fade just a bit, until he faintly hears Louis' voice. He just barely hears that warming sound, and it sends chills up and down his limp body. He can feel the goosebumps form but he doesn't know how. There is no way he is in his physical body right now. How does he feel Louis' touch? He couldn't will himself to come back to reality. Then again, it was probably just a dream, like the many that had fooled him before. But this time, it felt different. He felt fuzzy and just, he felt  _him._

When he finally came back to, he was in the ambulance and Louis was knocked out on a stretcher outside behind the many doctors surrounding him. Everything was so confusing, but immediately the doctors were shouting that he had woken, and was slowly explaining what had happened to him. Yet, nothing was really said about why Louis wasn't there with him now.  _Why was he knocked out? Why isn't he awake?_

And then he fears for the worst, thinking his father got him. He had to of. Nothing else could have happened . .  _That bas-_  but then, someone with a very soft voice was there, explaining what had happened to Louis. It was a kind nurse who was gently patting his hand with concern filling her eyes, along with a bit of fond.

_"It seems he was the one who saved you, do you know him?"_

Harry doesn't speak to her, he simply nods.

She explains to him that Louis had fainted after that. They aren't quite sure why, but they think it was mere exhaustion. Saying that the situation all together, on top of stress, and adrenaline had overwhelmed him to the point of fainting with Harry still in his arms.

_"This boy really cares about you. If he's awake, I'll go and let him know that you're awake now, is that okay?"_

Harry nods, as his eyes light up. He relieved now, peeking over shoulders to see if he was still out, and no. He wasn't. He was simply scoffing at the kind nurse, and lying impatiently on the stretcher before he is pulling himself up and taking control.

Harry couldn't have felt more safe with Louis kissing him, before his body becomes weak, and he's just. .  _so tired._

Yes, he remembers that so, so well. Like it just happened yesterday really. And his heart is fluttering each time he imagines that Louis had actually come to find him.

Then again, Louis guesses Harry truly didn't expect him to come. Regardless of how much it hurts to know that he just gave up like that, he can't be arsed to care now that Harry is safe with him and smiling again.

 

~

 

Everything is looking up now. Harry is talking a lot more, but only to Louis. He doesn't hide away when Jay is around either. Whispering to Louis rather than speaking proudly.

The weight in his chest that he had grown accustomed to had finally lifted. That is, until one night, lying in bed with Louis flush against his chest, he asks.

"Harry, I never asked but. . did you even get my letters?"

Harry visibly stiffened at the words, but relaxed instantly. They're just thoughts, flashbacks. Even if it does have Harry's heart breaking in his chest as he imagines Louis' letters being burned in front of him.

"I- I got to see them. ." Harry says in a breath, involuntarily stuttering as his voice gives in at the thoughts. Regardless of how easily talk had become for him, this. . this is still kind of hard.

"What do you mean, you got to  _see them_? Did you get to read them?" Louis asks again in concern, holding Harry more tightly against himself. Because even if his boy doesn't want to answer. It would be okay, he was just curious.

"He burned them in front of me." Harry says with a bit more confidence. Proud that he gave a straight and clear answer, though it had numbed his ears a bit because it's nighttime and he had to re-learn the difference between inside voices and outside voices. Sometimes he can't control his volume though, he's still learning how to use his voice again. .

Louis doesn't say anything, he simply kisses Harry's forhead before sighing.

"So you don't know how I basically went psychotic without my boy with me?" He finally says, each word blowing small chills in Harry's messy curls.

Harry smiles a bit against his chest at Louis' words. Maybe he really did need him as much as he needed Louis.

"I kind of thought you. .u-uhm-  _forgotaboutme_." Harry says in less confidence, voice coming out more frantic at the end. And almost instantly, Louis was explaining.

"You  _what_?! No! No, never. I could never forget about you. You were on my mind like, everyday Harry. Jesus christ you don't even know. I nearly drank myself to death the first night without you. . I seriously felt like I was going insane y'know. .?" Louis says back casually after a moment, trying to be as honest as he can without scaring Harry. Because honestly, it scared Louis just thinking about how bad it was.

"Can you maybe. . tell me what was in some of the letters?" He whispers against Louis' chest, not fully aware that he is holding a conversation and asking for things. He's kind of proud of it really, especially when Louis thumbs at his chin to look at him.

"Do you really want to hear how pathetic I am without you? I re-wrote the letters so many times, I basically have them etched into my memory. ." Louis says back with a small chuckle. And he can't help but smile fondly when Harry nods in interest, propping himself on his elbow to listen intently. And so, Louis indulges him, running his hand up and down the boy's waist and trying not to feel like a pathetic love-drunk puppy.

"Well, The first one was the worst. . kind of. . er--well, they were all pretty bad." He says gripping Harry's hip a bit before running his hand back up his body. "The first thing I said was that I had your sweater. I swear I felt like such a creep. I never planned on telling you, but I wore it like, everyday. It smelled like sick, and me. I remember crying for hours when I couldn't smell you on it anymore. ." Louis starts off strong, but his voice goes a bit soft at the end. Letting himself remember the loss of Harry. He looks at him for a brief moment before smiling, and sighing out happily.

"God, I was  _so_  pathetic. If you could have seen me. I kissed everything on my body that I could reach just because you to-" Harry kind of pouts though, assuming this wasn't in the letter. He kind of learned that Louis sometimes just rambles further and further away from the subject he'll ultimately get to an hour later.

"Right, the letter, sorry baby." Louis scolds himself after a moment, pulling Harry's hand up to his lips and kissing his fingers.

"I just remember. . feeling really empty when I wrote you. I said that I missed you at least six hundred times in the first letter. And I mentioned that I was really sad that you didn't have anything of mine to keep with you there. . "

He pauses for a moment, remembering his things in a pile on the cabin floor as Harry's love faded away from him. He tears up just a little bit when he continues, and Harry feels a little bit bad for asking to know what was in the letters. But it's just kind of nice to know that he could easily go to prison to see his father, and rub that fact that he knows what they said even with the paper burned to ashes in the basement back at that fucking house. Of course, Harry would never have the courage to do that. Not at all.

"I remember. . I started drinking again half way through the letter. And i'm pretty sure my tears were stained into the paper. . The last words on the letters were really. . kind of pathetic. But I was completely wasted by then and I wasn't lying or anything. . So please don't laugh at me. ."

Harry smiles at Louis, and simply whispers that he would never tease Louis for writing him. However now, he is very very curious as to what the last thing on the letter said.

"It-um. . It said that basically, I uh, I couldn't live without you. And you know, at that moment it all made sense. I actually kind of. . you know, understood you fully from that night when you um. . tried. I honestly couldn't bare to think about you, but like, the thoughts were smothering me. I wouldn't want it to be any different really, but it all got really overwhelming not having you with me. And I just. . wanted to die."

Harry nearly falls into a state of panic before Louis pulls him up quickly to reassure him.

"No but! I never ever would have done it without trying to find you first! Never! Damn, I wish I hadn't waited so long. I kind of, had myself fooled for a while that things weren't  _that bad_. . But apparently I was entirely wrong. . I mean, w-what does he even do to you. .?"

Louis is ashamed that he just asked that, and a bit awkward now that he is the one stuttering. But to his surprise, Harry doesn't seem too phased.

In all honestly, Harry has never truly told anyone exactly what goes on. And now that his voice is free to swim around in the air, why not? It's Louis. The boy he loves. The boy who had kept him alive. He deserves to know, doesn't he?

"Where do you want me to start?" Harry says in a breath, cheering himself on in his mind, and willing all of his insecurity and paranoia away.

"I honestly don't know if I could handle  _everything_. At least not yet." Louis admits calmly, running his fingers fondly down Harry's cheek, watching him blink twice at him before letting a small smile form against Louis' thumb.

"Maybe, just start from when he took you away from me?" Louis states after a moment.

Harry sighs for a second, because that's kind of when things got worse for him between he and his father. Sure the abuse, the molestation, and drunken nights of roughly being fucked was there. But that's the thing. His father was almost always drunk when he did those things. When he was sober he had just left Harry in the basement and never once acknowledged that he was even there. But this time, he wasn't even drinking that often. Harry is actually pretty sure he was sober almost every time his father had held him down and forced himself into him, each time he hit him, and even each time he told Harry he loved him.

Before he could even realize that he hadn't responded, Louis was talking again.

"You don't have to tell me anything. .There's sadness in your eyes again and I . . i really hate when you're sad Harry. . " Louis whispers to him, leaning in and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

"No, I- no! no, I want to tell you. It's just. . kind of scary?" Harry says back more quietly than he was speaking before, and he simply grabs Louis' hand in his own as he takes a deep breath.

"It's just. . it uh, it. . kind of got worse than the usual stuff. . " He says after a moment. And Louis has to ignore how his stomach completely flips. The scars on Harry were already bad enough to tell him that this boy had been hurt beyond recognition. But, it got worse?  _How is that even--?_

"Um, your first letter. . I mean, when the first letter from you came in. . He found it first. And he kind of, read it right in front of me. . " Harry states weakly. Having a hard time saying so much at once. Honestly, it's just getting annoying now, but he knows he can't rush. Or else he'll probably choke himself.

Louis only nods in response, showing him he can continue continue. But he feels Louis' grip tighten around his fingers, and it feels so. . safe. He can do this. He can tell him. Don't stutter. Even if, he maybe sorta kinda misses many events between explaining where his father had beaten him to a bloody pulp. Only telling Louis the one memory that had changed the abuse from bad to worse.

"He burned it after that, and got really like- i don't. .- i don't know how to explain it. He was. . like, jealous?" Harry says, frowning because really? He fucking stuttered again.

"He kept talking about like-" Louis finds it rather cute how Harry's personality is starting to show in his slow and rusted voice. The way he says ' _like_ ' each time he's at a loss for words. He thinks no one on this planet could be as sweet and lovely as the boy lying next to him, forcing words out of his mouth that have never reached the surface before. He understands, he truly does.

"Hey, slow down love, take your time. Yeah?" Louis says gently, loosening his grip on Harry's hand to try and ease the tension.

Harry relaxes a bit after a moment, cheering himself on some more in his mind before continuing. He never thought it would be this difficult to talk about. It truly does spit like acid when he talks about it. It hurts.

"Right. . um. He kind of, kept saying that I love cock, and I just really hate that word. It feels so dirty. When he said to to me I just. . I kind of felt ashamed-- because I guess he wasn't really wrong? But like, he kind of, forced me to put it in my mouth after that. ." Harry says, nearly gagging at the thought.

"Oh. . baby. ." Louis says, soothing him and moving his hand back to Harry's waist. He pulls him into a quick hug before he pulls away again. He looks at Harry, and just. . He doesn't want to imagine someone forcing themselves onto this boy. He's just so . .  _fragile._

"After that, you know. . he did things that really hurt. And he kept asking if he was better than you. . and that was the first time I actually cried for him to stop. . but he didn't, only got rougher with me. And he touched me that day, it felt so wrong because it wasn't you. It felt like he. . loved me, and he. . it was just so wrong to me. ." Harry continues.

And god, if Louis would have known, he would have killed this man on the spot.

"I'm . . I'm sorry. If I would have known. . " Louis murmurs in a tense whisper. Gritting his teeth in anger as he wills his goosebumps to go back down. Because Goddammit! He touched Harry. He forced himself on and in Harry, and then he fucking thinks he can touch him like he loves him? No.

"How are you so strong. . " Louis adds, trying so hard to hush the boy. He honestly doesn't think he can hear anymore and he's sure this is only the first few nights after he had taken the boy back. Maybe. He doesn't even want to imagine why Harry was so lifeless when he had walked into their home, and swept him off of his feet. And even if Louis had fainted, he still technically swept Harry off of his feet. . right?

_Okay, enough with the fairy tale shit. This is real, Louis._

  
"You make me strong. ." Harry whispers back.

  
And Louis swears, he will never leave this boy's side for the rest of his life.

 

~

 

Jay had decided she should be allowed to unwind now. She puts all of her work aside for the day-- Since it's a Friday and all. She's certain Harry and Louis are too wrapped up in each other to care about what she does today, which is perfectly okay. She's just happy they're safe. She truly trusts Louis now more than ever, and though she is rather ashamed of not trusting him before. . She knows she raised him well. Beneath all of those thick and stubborn layers. Louis is her caring baby boy. .

With that, she smiles as she pulls her hair into a messy bun. Which she never really did and she doesn't quite know why because it kind of looks. .  _pretty hot._

She stares confidently into the mirror for a while before she decides she looks pretty great,and steps out of the front door with a dopey smile plastered on her face. Jesus, she is just. . so proud of everything right now.

She had decided on a walk to the park at first, but that was short lived when her neighbor-- Anne if she can remember properly, is out working in her garden. She remembers that they had been rather close before her work took over her life, and maybe it would be nice to catch up with her.

Everything just sort of clicks until Anne mentions something. She is kind of shyly looking to her flowers with pride when she mentions it.

"So, I guess now is a good time to mention. I saw on the news channel the other day-- I mean, not to pry or be rude. But. . I could have sworn I saw you in the background during this awful news story. Mind you, i'm probably way off but. . Was it? I couldn't help but notice the boy that is staying with you. . and I just kind of put two and two together. . ."

Jay stands there in shock for a quick second before smiling awkwardly. sighing a bit, because bloody hell. The news?! _Really?_

"Oh um, I guess that sort of thing would make it on the news, wouldn't it? Oh dear. . Yes, that was me. And my son Louis. Bless him, Anne. I swear that boy has such a good heart. . " She is fully flaunting her son without realizing the concerned look on Anne's face.

"Oh! I'm sorry. . " Jay says sadly, waving her hands as if she were being a complete idiot.

"Do you mind if I ask what happened? The stories these days are all so vague. . "

Jay indulges in this. Because yes, she will absolutely speak proudly of her son saving this lovely young man. Such a shame he was in such a situation.

Shorty after Jay had explained the entire story from what Louis had told her and from what she had seen herself, followed by the information from the doctors. Anne was basically in complete distress. Asking question after question about the boy who had been saved. Asking how he is doing, and if he has managed to get comfortable given the circumstances.

Jay politely responds the best she can. But truthfully she hasn't seen too much of either of the boys. She knows they're dating, and that is absolutely no issue. The moment she had tried to let Harry sleep in the guest room, Louis was fuming at her until she granted them permission to sleep in the same room. She isn't too worried about that even. Though most mother's should be. Louis knows what Harry had been though, and hopefully he knows better than to ask  _too much of the child_ , so to say.

But she also has accepted that it's going to happen eventually. And if Louis hasn't already. She had bought a box of condoms a week ago and stuffed him in his drawer while they were watching a movie in the living room. She kind of slaps herself in the face, because. . do boys. . don't they need lubricant for those things?

She snapped herself out of the thoughts though, feeling awkward that she is providing young boys with the tools to mate in her home. She feels like a shit mom for a while before Louis quietly thanks her, but assures her that it's not going to be happening for a while.

So, she kind of assumes the reason she hadn't seen the boys much other than dinner time and watching movies at random times, is because they just have a lot to put back together. They have a lot to talk about and many things about each other in which they have to learn. So she gives them their space. Even if she kind of wishes they would come out more, and talk to her.

She promptly announces to Anne after the entire story and questions of Harry were coming to an end, that Harry and Louis had actually been dating over the summer, and Louis had urged her to go to Harry's house one night. That Louis had swooped in and saved him for a second time.

Anne is. . maybe just a tiny bit shocked--okay she's pretty jittery after that. Caring none about the boys being in a relationship. But more over the fact that Harry and Louis' " _love had showed them the way_." as she had said in a high pitched voice. Nearly doubling over in tears of warm feelings and cute.

_Moms are so weird._

And now, suddenly Anne is asking Jay something that kind of makes the air around them feel uneasy.

"So, is he going to live with you. . or?"

Anne can't help but smile when Jay brokenly admits that she's trying to find a family close by that would accept him. And then a light bulb goes off in her head and she's nearly frantic to end the conversation with an apology, and running into her house.

Jay found it a bit strange, but shrugs as she remembers that she looks absolutely lovely and would love to go to a bookstore and read something that's not about trials and rules.

She thinks Peter Pan was a good choice.

 

~

 

Anne is smiling ear to ear as she saunters as casually as she can into the room which contained her husband. She's far too excited to hold it for any longer. Five minutes was long enough to wait before saying the words.

"Robin, Darling. . Remember how we only have one daughter, and I went through that really depressing few years just wanting to have another kid?" She says, happy tears pouring out of her eyes. Knowing that if this is all OK'd, they can get right on it. They can make not only herself happy. But her daughter, and probably all three Jay, Louis, and Harry .

"What're you thinking Anne? What's going on? _Are you pregnant?!_ " He yells, almost flinging himself out of his chair and across the room with happiness.

"No. . Robin. I had my tubes tied?" She sighs, rolling her eyes. " Just-- Okay, just hear me out."

And so Anne explains it all to Robin, and the man's face is in awe at what had been going on just next door. He's briefly thinking he is a terrible neighbor but then he forgets about it and is standing up.

"Well, he does need a family that will love him, it seems. . and they don't want him to be far away. " He says, analyzing the situation like a clever professor

.   
"Plus the house would probably feel a lot more balanced with Gemma able to bond with someone who needs it. That girl has a heart on her, I'll tell ya' " He continues. Slowly smiling and turning to look at Anne.

Anne grins back at him, and sways a bit on her feet.

"This boy needs a family to love, and a family to love him like he deserves, " She says, taking a heavy breath to continue. But Robin just completes her sentence after that. Because that's just how they are.

"I think that family is us. ." He had said, causing them both to burst into sobs as they await Jay's walk back home.

There is only a brief moment of shock before Jay is flinging her arms around the two in tears. All three looking like a right mess for anyone who drives by. But fuck them, they don't even know what happiness is.

And now Jay is going home, containing her excitement as she leaves a few messages to several official-adoption-type people. With her being a well known lawyer, getting respect from these types of places really helps them out when it comes down to it. And Jay is almost certain she will see Harry acting like a normal almost-fifteen year old boy in just a matter of time.

However, she doesn't quite plan to tell Louis until it's all gone through and approved. When Harry is the legal child of the Styles' family, she will fear for reactions from the boy. But right now? No. Life is too lovely to put a damper on.

 

  
~

 

  
Louis didn't wake up too happy today. First of all, school. He doesn't exactly fancy seeing that one boy again. The one he has rejected rather harshly at least nine hundred times in the past week. Secondly, his mother decided to pop happily into the kitchen as he kind of violently eats his corn flakes. Fuck this cereal, I mean really. Who even cares, because Louis is already snappy right now.

But now his mood is just down-right fucked as Anne spills the news to him.

And now it's happening again. Harry is being ripped away from him, and it's not even that it's a bad thing. Yeah, he's just across the drive way. Literally twenty, maybe twenty five feet away from his own front door. And it's with his really nice neighbors. There is nothing bad about that aside from telling Harry.

It's not that he wants Harry to go, he certainly doesn't. And he kind of wants to cry when he scoffs a bit too hard at his mother..

"Is- Is there no way he can just live here? With me? I don't think he can handle me not being with him right now mum. . " Louis had wailed, quietly so Harry couldn't hear him as he showers.

"Louis. . he still has a few days here with us before he can move in with them. Just make the best of it. He's not going anywhere, and I already made sure Anne would let Harry spend some nights with you. She trusts you, Louis. She trusts that you'll take care of him. ."

Louis nods, a bit defeated. Wanting to make the absolute best of the days they have living together. But then fear strikes his mind, and no. Nope. He wont allow his mother to be the one to tell him.

"Okay but. . mum. Y'can't tell him. I mean, I've kind of had to deal with this before. I think he would listen and take it better if it were me. . " Louis says, kind of starting to shake, because fuck. He doesn't want him to go, and even if it's better for everyone else, it's not for him. For Harry. And even though he knows he can't do anything about it now that his boy is legally a Styles now, at least he going to be torn away by a loving family who happens to live with in ear shot of them. . It's just. .

Why does he have to leave? This house is plenty big for thirty more Harry's if the universe allowed it. .

So that's what sets his mood less snappy, and more distant when he makes his way to school. Walking because he really can't be arsed to call his driver every morning when it's literally a fifteen minute walk. It's not that bad, I mean really. Why did he even do that every , morning last year? He was such a lazy bastard.

He very nearly makes it to school without breaking down and crying because he stepped on an ant. So his eyes are a bit puffy as he walks in. And of course, everyone immediately noticed because he's  _Louis._

He ignores the gossip though, and he absolutely ignores the questions. But he doesn't ignore the boy at all. The boy who had been basically stalking him since he came back. He's an obvious flaming homosexual. The one who forces his lisp and high voice, and wears extremely feminine clothes to get attention, it seems. And when Louis says girly, he means like, full out purple shoes with leopard print.  _Leopard print._  Clothing wise wasn't much better. Instead of wearing skinnies and a V neck like a normal gay guy who tends to look pretty fucking straight. He shows up to school in the most sickening neon pink fucking skinny jeans, where he is wearing some really awkward. And jesus, those goddamn shirts.The ones you find at a local thrift shop or Walmart that has large writing in glitter. " _Sorry, No Autographs_."

_Please._

 

"Hi Louis? Are you single yet?" The boy asks immediately after gaining Louis' attention.

"Can you like, fuck off for one fucking day? Jesus christ!" Louis shouts, grabbing his books out of his locker and shoving them not-so-neatly into his rucksack.

"So . . are you? The boy adds after a moment, looking at Louis with not only hopeful eyes, but he sees a bit of lust in them as he glances towards his ass.  _Ew._

"No, no, fuck no. I'm not in the goddamn mood today, frankly. And for the record I still have a boyfriend which I  _don't_  plan on leaving. So would you kindly fuck off of me, before I punch your face in?" Louis states coldly before swiftly turning on his heel and walking away.

The boy still doesn't give up.

_He will never give up._

 

~

 

"Fucking Finally!" Louis kind of whisper-shouts into his arm as the final bell rang throughout the school.

He ignores everyone and everything as he makes his way through the crowded hallway, eyes fixated on the door. And he nearly trips over himself running home, wanting nothing more but to see Harry all cuddled up watching a movie, with his hair still not brushed. Oh,  _Harry, Harry, Harry._

Louis suddenly realized.

He and Harry haven't done _that_  yet since summer camp. And in a way Harry has been kind of hinting that he is ready for maybe  _that_  lately. There is no way he didn't know his hands had slipped that low on him that night under the blankets as they watched a movie. Absolutely no way he's thinking Louis could ignore feeling him harden against him as the kiss languidly in his bed after he gets back from school--  _Because Harry just missed him._

Maybe it would be okay now? To gently touch his boy and see him make those pretty and gentle faces when he's feeling good. Of course, Louis wont force it. But he can at least try since they only have a few days left in a shared bed. . .

He thinks he should absolutely make it special for his boy.

 

And so, he stops quickly at shop and picks up everything he might need. Some flowers, Harry likes flowers. Some chocolate, because he loves the taste of Harry's kisses after he eats Hershey kisses. Maybe sorta kinda an extra soothing lube that caught his eye, wanting Harry to feel as comfortable as he can.

And maybe, just maybe he picks up the movie 'Titanic' because Harry mentions that he had tried to watch it with his mother long ago, but saw boobs on the screen and literally ran away giggling.

Louis loves when Harry lets him know of the small moments in his life that actually were happy.

 

With that, he's going home with gifts shoved into his rucksack and flowers in his hands. He's smiling like a complete idiot by the time he walks through his front door. Jay just looks at him fondly. Knowing that Louis absolutely had to be the biggest ray of sunshine in the world.

Her pride was short lived when Louis just walked straight up stairs to the boy waiting.

 

He walks in with flowers behind his back, almost falling over at the site of Harry. All of Louis' pillows and blankets were in the floor, and he was sitting there half covered up with curls sticking out literally everywhere.  
He looks up to Louis for a second before pausing the game on the TV screen.

"Had Disney characters. ." Harry had mumbled with a small smile. Feeling so much more comfortable in his skin right now.

"Y-You play  _video games_?!" Louis shouts, forgetting everything else almost.

Harry shakes his head and frowns.

"The buttons have shapes on them though. . so it's easy to learn. ."

Louis nearly pounces on the boy right then. Look at him, talking, being a boy, playing Kingdom Hearts for the first time. . It's just, god. Harry is so perfect.

But then something is catching Harry's eyes, he grins as he stands up. Walking confidently up to Louis and peering over his shoulder.

"Hey now! It's a surprise, but since you already know. Here. I got you some um-- shit i forgot what kind they are, but I got you some. Do you like them?" Louis says stumbling over his words. He kind of bows his head a bit and looks to Harry under his lashes, blushing hard at the way the boy buries his face into the flowers.

"I like them a lot. ." Harry says, half-hardheartedly spitting a flower petal out of his mouth.

"I um, I bought a movie too. . " And then he's pulling the movie out of his rucksack and placing it in front of Harry's face.

And  _fuck_ , it just keeps getting better and better. How has his heart not blown out of his chest by now? Harry is simply grinning at him. His lips are a bit crooked as he titlts his head a bit. Louis really wants to kiss his dimples deeper.

"Can. . can we watch it now? Please!?" Harry jumps in excitement. Startling himself with the loudness of his voice and covering his mouth.   
They both giggle a bit at the out burst. Because really, Harry is talking as natural as day now, and when he slips up with a stutter, or his tone is off. They can't help but to chuckle lightly about it. Not in a teasing way, but in an ironic way.

Like Harry's voice was so ready to come out, he couldn't control it. And god, it felt so great.

 

  
Louis has a hard time focusing on the movie. It's just  _so_  long. But it's all worth it when he looks at Harry. The boy showing a wide set of emotion throughout the entire film. Louis would absolutely watch this movie with Harry time and time again if it meant he could witness this every time.

Mostly though, it was just. .  _nice_. Nice to see Harry not thinking about his life, his past, about Louis even. Just completely distracted from life by a movie about someone else's life.

He watches him especially closely when the sex scene comes on. And he watches Harry's face mostly, the way he looked completely frustrated before it fell into softness and fond. Like he's just realized all over again that it's not meant to hurt a person.

After that scene Harry had thrown himself at Louis. Not being subtle at all as the realization comes back to him. He kisses Louis. Politely at first. Just a pop kiss to make sure it's okay, and then easily fitting his lips against Louis' so perfectly that time seems to stop for both of them.

In his mind, behind all of the thoughts of Harry kissing him, and kissing him will what seems like his entire body, he's glad that he had done it right after that scene. Because he couldn't bare to see that Harry would realize that the had story not ended very well. But he easily slips those thoughts even further out of his mind when Harry makes no attempt to move away, but closer. On top of Louis, straddling him as he kisses.

"I like being on top of you. ." Harry eventually whispers. And it wasn't meant to be sexual. Louis  _knows_  it was a gentle statement. And just then he kind of thinks, maybe the reason Harry always ends up on top of him when they have these heated make-out sessions, is because he's never gotten the chance of not feeling pinned down. Maybe it's nice for him to know he's pinning someone else down. Even if it's just by gentle lips. And Louis absolutely doesn't mind this at all. He likes when Harry is on top of him. He likes that he gets brave, and starts becoming more bold with his kisses. He likes the weight of him on his lap, and the way Harry sometimes locks his ankles around Louis' back.

He likes everything Harry does, especially if it makes his boy feel more confident.

"I like it too. ." Louis manages to whisper between a kiss, in which Harry immediately goes back in for more.

After the movie seems to be coming to an end, as Louis could tell by the annoying frozen whistle sounds ringing in his ear, Harry is still on top of him. And he has no problem with this, really. He loves kissing him. But  _god_. He wants to touch him so badly. He wants to kiss him everywhere else including his mouth. He wants to caresses him with his fingers and his lips in all of those sensitive places Harry had revealed to him at one point.

But it's so scary. Like it's his first time all over again. Keeping track of where his hands are and careful not to make a sudden move that throws the boy off and has him closing in on himself. Louis is very nearly panting a please , when he realizes that Harry is hard and whimpering against him as he continues to kiss him. And oh god, oh god.  _Should he do something?_

Very carefully, he wraps his hands around Harry's waist, and simply pushes his body towards himself just a _tiny bit_. He feels him against his stomach when he does that and his skin is absolutely on fire.

It's not even that he's "horny".

He's turned on, yeah. But it's Harry. The fact that he had kissed him first. And yeah he's done it before but this time, even without Louis' slight hope in mind, it just felt different. And who is he kidding? He's learned by now to trust his gut feelings. And the fact that it felt different in a good way, had Louis all nervous and blushy about the situation. His confidence kind of dwindled away the more Harry gets worked up, and it truly is like a first time. Afraid the boy will laugh at him, or say that one thing that has him coming before he even gets to touch him.

After Louis had shifted Harry just that tiny bit, it all kind of just happened.

Harry was slow and gentle-- a lot like his voice, when he experimentally shifted his hips again like the way Louis had done for him. And there's that sound again. The one that was reserved only for him during those summer nights. It's still his sound. It's right there, vibrating his lips.

Harry continues to grind against him. He's languid the entire time, and Louis doesn't even think he realizes how much he is working him up.

"Harry. ." Louis breathes out, his voice coming out an octave higher than he had remembered sounding just a little while ago.

Jesus this boy is going to drive him mad. He took Louis' words as an invitation to place his lips firmly against his neck, suckling and nibbling in ways that have Louis internally screaming about how beautiful this boy is.

"Can I--Can I touch you?" Louis finally adds, after containing himself from moaning at the way Harry kisses his neck like it's just natural for him to do that, like it's not sending shivers down Louis' spine as he licks over the love bite.

Harry only then realizes that he missed doing that. So he does it again, almost forgetting Louis had asked him something. Suddenly aware of his shaking hands placed against his waist as he helps Harry guide his hips.

And yes, Harry is confident. He is safe. This doesn't hurt, this feels good. It's Louis. Louis is all good.

With that, he nods against Louis' neck and instantly feels Louis sigh in relief. Harry keeps his mind on the feel of Louis' hands as he goes back to kissing against his neck. He can feel the way he is very aware of his own hands, twitching up when he feels he has moved too quickly.

He simply caresses Harry. Finger's gently podding under the T-shirt he had put on earlier. Oh , the feeling of skin on his fingers is so overwhelming he kind of feels a bit light headed. He's certain he has a fever. Absolutely certain, and if it wasn't for this beautiful situation causing it, he would probably be lying in his bed and demanding someone to take care of him.

Louis then, very carefully, smooths his hands back down and doesn't even think before he's running his hands around the boy's hips. He feels Harry bite a little harder at his neck when his fingers find their way under the waist line of Harry's pajama bottoms. Easily slipping them in with caution to find that he seems to have no been wearing underwear. So Louis simply touches the smooth skin there and decides he'll ask him about it later.

The moment Harry had felt Louis gently squeeze at his bum, he just kind of. . felt this jolt of  _something_  through out his body. Louis is touching him and it just makes him feel all tingly and warm. He never wants Louis to stop touching him this way.

"This okay?" Louis says into Harry's hair, grabbing just a bit harder at his bum, and guiding his hips back towards himself. The boy has momentarily gone slack against him at that, but eventually moves up and presses another kiss to Louis' lips before wrapping his arms around his neck and just looking at him.

He nods to him, mouth open and raw from kissing. Louis wants to kiss him again. Guiding Harry against himself until the boy suddenly shudders and pushes away for a moment.

"W-wait wait. Im not ready ye-"

"Oh my god, I'm so so so sorry! I should have stopped, Im sorry!" Louis nearly cries out, pulling his hands from Harry's pants and into his own hair.

Goddammit he is such a fuck up.

Why does he always fuck things up?!

"Um, I. . . meant I wasn't ready. . to , you know?" Harry's voice comes out a little slower than usual. And Louis can't help but blush at the way his voice cracked a bit to show that the boy was becoming a man.

"O- Oh!" Louis finally says in realization, hoping that whatever it is he just did, he didn't ruin it.

Harry only smiles at him fondly as he unhooks his ankles from him back, and scoots off of Louis' lap just a little for Harry to obviously feel it poking into him. He truly tries not to smile at Louis for that.

"What're you --? I'm sorry. . I didn't mean to make it weird by freaking out. ." Louis almost whines, letting his arms fall to his side in defeat.

"No? I was- I just thought you were uncomfortable sitting up like that. . so I kind of thought maybe you'd want to lay down instead. .?" Harry says back, just a little bit shy when Louis widens his and simply starts leaning down onto a pillow that Harry had quickly grabbed and places beneath him.

Nothing else was said as Louis just laid there, watching Harry's brows furrow as he adjusts his body on top of him. The moment Harry had leaned down to kiss him, both of them moaned just a bit. Realizing that Harry has excellent positioning for his lower half, having their flush and heavy groins directly on top of each other. Every movement they make, no matter how small it is, has shivers running up both of their spines, and it's almost too intense to handle at first.

Harry had just smiled a bit as he wiggled down against Louis, taking a lot of pride in the way he just grasped at Harry's T-shirt tightly, and tried to contain his voice.

And that's it. Louis saw that smile. God, How? How does Harry do this?

The truth is, Harry has absolutely no idea what he's doing. It's just with Louis' reactions, and the feelings he gets when he does it himself. . he just kind of  _knows_  that's what to do.

That's it though. Louis can't really handle this. Kissing and grinding is always great. If anything, it's fucking lovely. It really is. And he doesn't want to rush, absolutely not, but it's been almost an hour of just this, and he isn't even sure if he's allowed to touch Harry again. He doesn't want to come off too strong. So he speaks, which came out a bit shakier than before.

"C-an I please to-touch you again?" He had managed to say in between Harry's languid grinds against him. And without even a moment to spare, he simply nods again as he looks to Louis.

Louis instantly doesn't want to waste any time in getting his hands on Harry again, this time going straight between them, to touch and just. . . _god._

Harry is so achingly hard against him, and Louis can feel the little wet spot that had been pressed into the pajama pants as they rutted against one another.

  
"Fuck. ." He whispers to himself, squeezing just a bit before he feels Harry's shaky breath against his cheek. He does it again and that breath turns into a gasp.

Again, and again, and again. Harry finally moans, dropping his face into Louis' neck and just leaving it here.

So Louis decides, maybe he can actually. . touch. With no annoyingly cute pajama pants in the way. He bravely squeezes one last time before removing his hand for just a moment. Harry lets out a slight sigh as the pressure of feeling good was relieved for the short amount of time it took for Louis to slip his hands into the front of the pants.

Harry weakly shivers against Louis, feeling his hand around him and just wanting to cry about how good Louis makes him feel. So he does. But only a little bit before he's back to kissing at Louis' jaw and neck. He messily tangles his fingers in Louis' hair as he tries his damnedest to control his body. He's never felt such a thing. Not even when they were together in summer camp.

So much want, and so much Louis. Feeling his hands on him, and his mouth on him, and his breath mixing with his own. He doesn't even know. It just feels. .  _so good._

And he just doesn't even care anymore. Moaning against Louis' ear as he proudly announces to him that he makes him feel good. That he feels like he's on top of the world when Louis grips him and rubs him like  _that._

He feels like these thoughts aren't that dirty when the other person feels it too. And wants it, Louis seems to want it. . Why not just. . keep doing it?

So he braves himself up enough to slightly let his hips buck in Louis' hand. Which was kind of a pleasurable mistake when Louis whispers for him to do it again, and again, and again. Until Harry's hips grow tired and Louis is just smiling fondly at the boy's face with how he just looks completely, out of it.

Louis kind of likes Harry like this. A bit more brave with what he does with his body. Showing that he wants Louis, and even being a bit. . well, to put it bluntly-- _dominant._

And sure Harry isn't pinning him down.  _But he kind of is, isn't he?._  Sure Harry wasn't teasing him,  _but he kind of did, when he wiggled his hips down on Louis just to hear him moan_. .And yeah, maybe Louis had to ask to touch Harry.

But you know, he kind of likes letting Harry be in control, especially when he wills himself to buck into Louis' grip before shuddering again and quickly halting Louis' hand. And oh my god? Is he?  _He's playing with him. Harry is playing with Louis._  He's not letting himself hit his high, halting Louis each time before doing something new. Before going just a bit further, and holy hell. He can completely tell that the boy has no idea what he's doing by now. But he's so good when he tries. Every movement perfect, not too rough and just the right amount of pressure.

Louis almost cries when he realizes how hard he is, straining against his school trousers and he just has to kind of. . ignore the way that it kind of hurts at first.

"Can I just- take these off?" Louis says with caution after a while, looking at Harry with concern before he receives a nod. And without even realizing what's going on, Louis sees that Harry is going further. Watching Louis as he unbuttons his pants, and letting Harry slide them down his legs. Without warning, Harry is simply sliding his pants down as well. Lying back down onto Louis and nuzzling into his chest.

"Louis. . " Harry says in a deep blush. A bit dazed and completely drunk on love.

Just hearing his name from Harry's mouth is a lot right now, and this has dragged on long enough!

"Harry. . " Louis says shortly after. Quickly speaking just a bit more and kind of flicking Harry from his daze. "Can we? I mean, we don't have to. You know, if you're not ready. .? "

The boy doesn't even think twice before he's gripping Louis' shoulder and lifting up. He looks him dead in the eye and just. . " _please_ ".

Louis almost chokes in surprise, swiftly grabbing Harry's waist and gently pushing him onto his back. He manages to semi-push a pillow beneath Harry's head before he's grabbing another. And oh yeah, Harry remembers! He gently lifts his lower half in the air and allows the pillow to be placed beneath him.

This time was different. Definitely different.After they had completely undressed, Harry gripped onto Louis tightly as he had finished prepping him and was going to prepare himself.

He let a small whisper flood Louis' ears and he nearly just wants to plop down and cry at the way Harry kisses him in confidence and lies back down. Beautifully spread out for Louis, and willing. Completely willing.

"You'd never hurt me." Was what he had said, and Louis faintly remembers telling him this exact same thing when they had done this before.

But still, this time is different. Because Louis is permanent now. He's not going anywhere and he thinks Harry gets that now. That Louis really wouldn't hurt him, because he's been through so much shit just to  _not hurt him._

The rest was gentle, shaky breaths and tangling limbs as he pushed into Harry, long and slow. Watching intently at his face, at the way his brows furrow where he looks like he's extremely frustrated, but then he grunts just a bit to show that  _Louis is making me feel good._

His thrusts remain languid until Harry had pulled him down and said one word. Just one. Louis' hips had instantly twitched as he quickened his pace, listening to the way Harry lightly moans when each thrust hits. He never wants that voice to be silent.

Their time was extremely intimate this time. Though Harry seemed to had just been  _playing_ \--rather, experimenting with a body that seemed to feel good when he did things like  _this_ , or when he touched them like  _that_. Regardless of how cheeky Harry seems to truly be, it was loving. Every touch and move was drawn out until the other asked for just a bit more, or to go just a bit faster. And eventually, Harry was clinging to Louis, pulling him down flush against his body was Louis intentionally slowing his hips, and loosened his grip on the boy. Just to urge him on a bit more, to make this moment last as long as he can. And it works.

When Harry's eyes are closed tightly and his mouth opens without a sound, Louis isn't really shocked to know that he can't find a sound to follow his mouth. However, he seemed to have been wrong as Harry began exhaling with a low moan flowing out of his mouth. His body pulsated just a bit beneath Louis as he draws his thrust out even more. Letting Harry just. . feel all of it. And he completely messes himself, Louis, and even the pillow that his head isn't even propped on anymore.

Louis isn't upset, or even disappointed when he has to pull out. Because the boy is sensitive, and all breathy and sweaty. It takes Louis a simple three tugs before he reaches his own high. Clumsily gripping himself as he flops himself down on to Harry and rides it out with the smell of sweat, and breath, and Harry filling his entire being.   
And once they're breath has evened out, Harry had simply kissed Louis again, a small smile tugging at his lips.

_He wants this so much._

 

 

Louis had willed himself after apparently the mess has dried, to pull himself up and quietly pad across the hallway as quickly as possible. Because no way in hell was he going to put on clothes right now. The grabs a flannel and lets warm water run over it before going back to the site of Harry running his fingers through the one spot that seemed to still have wet come on it. And jesus fuck, this boy.

He quickly but thoroughly cleans Harry up before himself, and then they just. . Smile, and laugh, and giggle there, in the piles of soiled blankets.

"I love you a lot. ." Louis had said to Harry mid-giggle.

And the response he got was probably the best thing that he could possibly imagine. Something that's not even that weird to respond with, but it just has Louis' heart lighting up like a Christmas star on a tree.

"I know. . " He had whispered first, smiling against Louis' cheek and not even thinking twice about how he is smiling, and loving, and touching.

"I love you too . ." is what Harry says next.

Louis isn't just as happy to know that Harry loves him, but the fact that he knows Louis loves him back. . it just tells him that maybe, he's not such a bad boyfriend after all. .

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to follow me on tumblr, whether it be my mainblog (gagforlou.tumblr.com), or my personal ficblog (bumfunlarry.tumblr.com). Mainly because that's where all of my updates are. I've also recieved a shit ton of prompts that i'm going to be writing very very soon. If any of you guys are wanting to prompt me for either a oneshot or a chaptered fic, you can prompt me there! But realize that I'm not exactly openly accepting prompts right now. However, I can make exceptions~


	19. Look At The Sky, Is It Brighter?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay! I know, since chapter 18 the entire mood of the story has changed, including my writing style. There is a bit more of a light atmosphere.  
> Harry’s father wont be making anymore appearances in this story, so to say. At least in the main story. I do have a few one-shots lined up for after this fic is finished. Side stories, so to say. Such as, When Harry and Louis met as children, Harry and his mother's death, Ziam comingout/smut. etc etc c:
> 
> After Speak is over. I’ll be filling at least five prompts before I start another chaptered story. That doesn’t mean I’m open to new prompts either. I haven’t been able to update my prompt section but I currently have over thirty prompts to write. And as a person who takes their writing very seriously, I intend to do all of them.  
> Sorry for the A/N novel again. I love you guys so much for being patient!
> 
> (P. S . I AM LOOKING FOR A BETA. End notes for more details c:)  
>  
> 
> And, Onto chapter 19.

 

 

 

 

 

 

       "I- I don't want to." Harry cries.

  
It has only been about an hour since Louis got home from school, and Harry just knew something was going to ruin this new life. Something always ruins the happiness. He felt like it was going to happen a week ago, but nothing of the sort happened. And because of that, he truly let himself believe that this time it was going to be different. That this time, he can actually live without worry of losing him again. However, it all turns out that he was wrong. With his boyfriend on the otherside of the door, pleading to come in. No, Louis doesn't want him here. He's pushing him out. He doesn't want him at all anymore. Though he didn't say it himself, Harry can  _feel it_.

"Harry, h-hey. Hey! Please let me in. Just listen to me, yeah? Please?" Louis says in a panic, scooting closer to his bedroom door. Because yeah, maybe Harry locked him out of his own room.

Louis isn't mad about that though. He kind of understands why, he thinks. Knowing you have to leave in just two days. He would lock himself in a room that screams ' _Harry!_ ' too, just to soak up the feel, the scent, and the comfort. Don't get him wrong though. Louis definitely doesn't want Harry to leave at all, but he came to terms with it the moment his mother showed him the paperwork and told him that he's running out of time. He knew this would happen, of course. Harry would immediately curl in on himself and think the entire world is coming to an end. That happiness never lasts. But the thing is, the boy doesn't even know that he's literally just going to be across the yard. Louis isn't going anywhere and he wouldn't be totally opposed to having 'sleepovers' with him every night if that's what it takes.

He can hear Harry crying against the door. Almost too silent to notice for anyone that isn't Louis. He had grown quite accustomed to those cries during the summer. And it's kind of scary to hear them again. To hear him shut his voice off , to hear him distance himself. To feel this wall keeping him from his boy. It hurts.

"Don't cry. Please just let me in. . " Louis whispers lowly as he hears footsteps. He can kind of tell his mom is coming upstairs, but he pays no mind to it. He continues to plead through the door as she spots him, and she feels this pain in her chest at the sight. She can kind of hear Harry murmur to Louis on the other side of the door, but she doesn't listen close enough in fear of joining their business. She promised Louis he could be the one to tell him, and if . . if this is how it has to be, then so be it. Everything is out of their hands, and forgive her if she isn't quite up to par with ripping young boys from their comfort like some parents. She nearly wants to cry at the sight of Louis tearing up though. He's touching the door as if he's touching Harry. Like if he touches it too hard, it will shatter and turn to dust in front of him. She watches as his hand traces down the door's frame until it reaches the bottom, and tries not to whimper at the way he trails his fingers across Harry's beneath the door. He quietly continues his soft and soothing whispers. Only then,does she allow herself to hear him, and then she's off downstairs again, holding her heart and hating herself for moving so quickly with finding Harry a home.

_"I promise I'll be right beside you the whole time Haz. I'm not going to let you get ripped away from me again. "_

That's what she heard him say, and never in her life has she ever heard Louis' voice so soft and gentle. She's a bit ashamed actually, that she put them in this situation. And the fact that she thinks she may have heard something reserved only for this boy. Fuck. Is there nothing she can do to make it easier? And then she's smacking herself in the head and calling Anne up. Within the hour she was out the door and heading into town with guilt weighing heavy on her heart.

Because it may not be the biggest and most brilliant idea, but it'll just have to do.

 

~

 

This goes on between Harry and Louis for almost an hour more. Soft fingers touching beneath the door, whispers, and cries. Harry just wont give Louis the chance to explain. The fact that he is leaving, that this is no longer his home, it's just enough to break everything all over again that was in the process of being fixed. But Louis had gone silent almost fifteen minutes ago, and his fingers had disappeared from under the door. Harry thinks he'd left him. Louis promised he would never leave.

_It's over now, isn't it?_

  
Harry has to leave, and Louis is mad at him.

"L-Louis?" Harry says against the door.

No answer.

  
It doesn't take long for the tears to burn his eyes again. He had thought he cried it all out already, he was even willing to try and listen to Louis. But now he can't because he's  _gone._

The emptiness is creeping back on Harry as he looks at a room that isn't his, with the things that belong to the boy that probably isn't, and never will be his. This is all his fault, Louis left him because he refused to listen. Now he is left to do it all by himself and he's kind of considering flinging himself out of this two-story window.

But he waits, and he waits. Fifteen more minutes, nothing.

He sniffles, wipes his face off, and then is pulling himself up. He takes a deep breath before he unlocks the door and is pulling it open. He's prepared to walk out of an empty house to live somewhere on the streets, and he really did think Louis would be gone, that he wouldn't be curled up in front of the door with his arms covering his face. He assumed Louis would have left to hang out with people who would listen to him. Or maybe he would have left to just stop caring about Harry with hopes that he would already be gone by the time he comes back. But that wasn't the case, and he kind of wants to slap himself for thinking anything of the sort. Because it seems he had just fallen asleep.

He really needs to just trust him, doesn't he?

"Louis?" Harry whispers, standing above him.

With no answer, he simply lays there in the floor and pulls Louis' arm around him. Harry's hooded and heavy eyes begin to close at the soft breaths coming from Louis' mouth before he hears him speak.

"Don't lock yourself away from me again." Louis says tiredly, tightening his arm around Harry and moving the other to hold him even closer.

"Do- do you want to go into your room?" Harry manages to whisper back.

Louis doesn't nod, he doesn't say anything. Because right now he could care less. School kept him away from Harry all day, and then his door had locked him away for nearly three more hours. Now the boy is pressed up against him and he's kind of afraid to move. So he just lays there in the hallway with him. And he doesn't dare say anything about the situation.

"Are you mad at me?" Harry finally says with a small voice.

"I don't think I could ever be mad at you." Louis sighs with a smile against his hair.

Harry turns over now, so he's facing Louis. And they just look at each other for a long time.

"Louis. . Why do I have to go. . ?" He whispers after a moment, much calmer now that Louis was looking at him with so much love in his eyes.

He sighs again for a moment though, because he doesn't want another repeat of what just happened. Maybe if he takes it slow, and tells Harry exactly what he's thinking first. . it will go by more smoothly?

"I don't want you to go and if it were my choice you would be living with me forever and ever. ." Harry lets out a soft giggle before Louis continues with a small sigh. " _But_ , my mum thought it would be better for you to have a mum and dad that would be here for you. And you know, my mum and dad isn't reall--"

"I don't need a mum and dad. _I have you_. ." Harry interrupts him.

Louis smiles at that. Because he knows he could love Harry more than anyone else in this world. Way more than Robin and Anne ever could, way more than his own parents. . Not that it's wrong or anything. They're parents, they're not meant to look at Harry the way he looks at him. But in a way, after so long of Harry not having a mother and having a father that-- well, never mind that. It's just that Louis understands Harry deserves the pleasure of having a family who will love him. He deserves so much. As a good boyfriend, he can't keep the boy from the other pleasures in the world. He may be able to give Harry things that a family wouldn't, but they can also give things that Louis couldn't give to him. Regardless of how selfish he is, regardless of how much he wants to keep Harry for himself forever,  _he can't._

"Harry, please just listen to me. I would never ever want you to go anywhere if it were my choice. I would keep you here with me forever, and never let anyone else even look at you. But then I would be no better than. . well,  _him_." He pauses for a moment, and Harry shows no signs of speaking up yet. So he continues. "I've known this family for a very long time, and Im almost relieved that they're the ones to want to take you in. Harry please, just listen. They live right next door. You know, the house with the pretty flowers that always has the nice lady in the yard? The one who waves to you every morning when you kiss me goodbye for school?" Louis had held his breath trying to explain it as quickly as possible in fear of Harry closing in on himself again. Instead the boy's eyes widen at the words. Almost like a blissful realization.

  
"You mean, I'm not going far away again?" He whispers, looking down at his hands.

"I'd never allow you to be any further than right next door, please believe me. ." Louis adds, pulling Harry's face back up to look at him. "And I promise we will see each other every single day. I'll come over to your house anytime you want, and you can come over to mine too. I already made sure that it wouldn't be a problem. . "

"I'd never send you away. . " He adds with a kiss, after just a moment too long of Harry's silence.

"How long before I have to go again?" Harry says after the kiss. And Louis was a bit relieved to see that he wasn't frowning too hard when he said it.

"We still have tonight and tomorrow. ." Louis responds with another kiss, and a hug, and another kiss.

"You still have to go to school tomorrow too. ." Harry says back with a huff.

Louis tries not to giggle.

"Yeah. . . But it'll fly by, and I can try to come home early, yeah?"  
Harry nods before nuzzling into Louis' chest.

Little did Harry know, he wasn't going to school. As much as he would love to stay home with the boy all day and just, breathe him in. He can't. Because Anne had called him up and he got permission from his mother to go shopping with her. To spoil to fuck out of his boy for his first night away.

 

~

 

First, clothes. Of course, he's going to give Harry a bunch of his own clothes to wear but he also couldn't resist buying the little sweater vest that would look absolutely fucking adorable on him. Secondly, decor. Which is mainly a bundle of posters that he finds fit. Nothing violent or scary, nothing boring or covered with school related bullshit. Definitely his own favorite bands followed by the ones Harry always asks to hear. Tons and tons of posters. And maybe, you know, maybe he also bought a giant poster with a kitty holding onto a little rope saying, "  _Hang in there, tiger!_  " .

He also buys the boy a bundle of bathroom supplies. The same shampoo he uses, because Harry seems to have grown very fond of the smell of strawberries and cream. He buys him a hair brush and a wide-tooth comb, because no way in hell will he be the reasoning behind frizzy curls. Even though he kind of thinks Harry could pull off a fro.

He buys candy, three pairs of shoes, socks, maybe he bought him a few candles--  _"It smells like happiness. ."_  Harry had said to Louis after his mother lit a candle titled "Summer nights."

  
Smiling like an idiot the whole time, Louis;  _accidentally_ , he would say, imagined always shopping for Harry. Picking out the sugary cereal secretly because Harry likes that kind. Maybe he imagines grocery shopping in the future  _with him_ , too. He's not sure.

Either way, he has his arms full of gifts, and bags hitting his legs as he walks. Anne takes him back to her house with her, and he has to be sneaky going inside. Because Harry absolutely cannot see him with all of this stuff. And he certainly can't see that Louis had told a lie about going to school either. So, he pulls out his past-stalker self and creeps around bushes, runs quickly to the door, and closes it behind him.

He sits with Anne for an hour more, wrapping gifts and re-arranging everything so Harry would know who got what for him. But then, as he's finishing the last gift and fighting with the paper, he notices a somewhat small box wrapped up neatly. It's placed on top of all of the other gifts and says " _To: Harry , Love: Jay_ ".

"Hey Anne, what's that one? I didn't know my mum bought something for him too?"

Anne keeps quiet, remembering that Jay had nearly begged for her not to tell Louis about it yet.

"Ohhh, It's nothing love, you'll see soon. Yeah?"

And now she's ignoring everything he says about the gift.

 

~

 

The two days Harry had with Louis passed by fairly quickly. Though he didn't feel as upset about the situation anymore, he still doesn't exactly want to go anywhere. Leaving the comfort of Louis' bedroom is a bit hectic to think about, and the fact that he actually has to do it just makes it that much more difficult.

The last day they had together was quiet. Louis had finally gotten to skip out on school under the approval of Jay, mainly because Harry begged her. Well, not really  _begged_. It was more like a small " _please?_ " when Louis had asked.

That entire day was nothing but lovely with a hint of sadness. They both avoided the fact that the next morning is the time Harry has to walk out of this room. A mere nine hours away from them. This will be the last time it's "their room". The last time Louis can come home to Harry sitting in a mess of blankets and curls as he attempts to defeat Sephiroth with an angry look on his face. That's a heart breaking thought. Those small things have become so dear to Louis, he thinks he may be more upset than Harry is about this. He tries not to tear up with a dopey smile on his face each time he looks into the boy's eyes. Realizing that they're not that sad anymore, and the fact that he is the cause just makes him want to. . . melt away into a universe of just them. With the smell of him, and the feel of him. His laugh playing in the wind, and his breath chilling the night. He thinks it's quite cliche but it's also quite perfect.

They had both planned to stay awake all night in an attempt to make their last hours worth it. Even though they will be spending plenty more time together in the future. This is the last time the air is theirs alone. Where Harry conquers everything in this room as much as Louis does. But the plan of staying up was kind of cut short when it hit the four am mark. Harry was trying to keep his eyes open, but it was so damn hard when all they were doing was lying there and just. . looking at each other. Yet neither of them really planned to do anything else. It's a comforting hobby that they share, Louis thinks. Most people would become bored after a few moments in the silence of just looking at one another. But not for these two. Harry enjoyed the way he could see everything Louis was in those moments. Just seeing that small smile and soft look in his eyes. He knew that this is love. He just knew it.

 

When Jay had knocked loudly on the door just five hours after they had both drifted together in a pile of love and warmth, Harry was the first to open his eyes. Immediately the anxiety sets in and he just grabs onto Louis and holds him tightly trying so hard not to cry. The sound of the door opening combined with Harry's shaking and warm hands nearly breaking his skin woke Louis up. Without even thinking, he reaches for Harry and completely ignores the fact that his mother is in the room now. He knows immediately that the boy is over run with nervousness and fear, and he doesn't plan to allow him to leave right this moment.

"I wont let you leave yet, I promise. ." Louis whispers, and Harry curls in just a bit more.

"Louis, you know that they're expecting him in an hour. ." Jay says in a hushed tone towards them, looking away as Harry starts crying.

"Then leave us the fuck alone until then!" He says back with a raised voice, suddenly so angry at this feeling. I mean, yeah. Harry isn't being ripped from him, but goddamn it just feels so familiar. He feels that small caving in his chest, afraid that he'll come home one day to find Harry dead. What if Anne and Robin aren't good people? What if they hurt him?  _He can't just trust someone with his whole life._

He really does feel like Harry is being ripped away now, only this time it's by his mother. And believe him, he knows she means no harm but that doesn't stop the heat from rising to his ears as he turns his face and glares at her. He can't trust anyone in this moment. Not even himself.

"But Lou-"

"Just get out."

Jay silently gasps at the look in his eyes. So protective and hurt, it's painful. He was fine yesterday, coming home and kissing her lightly on the cheek with a small 'thank you' for everything she had gone through with the two. But now? Now he just seems so full of hate towards anyone but the boy. She knew today would be long and difficult, but she didn't think Louis would be the cause of it.

She silently stands for a moment longer, feeling a bit small to the world as Louis turns away from her and envelopes himself around Harry's entire body. She realizes that she means nothing in this moment. Nothing matters to either of the boys but each other, and she knows that she's coming between them. They're like magnets forcing themselves together and she is the air between being pushed away and forgotten about. Strangely, she understands. So with a small nod and a sniffle, she turns and walks through the door. But before closing it, she looks back at the two and can't refrain from crying.

They love each other so strongly she can feel it seeping out of their skin. The warmth that was in Louis' room just the night before is now gone, and it looks as though they're struggling to keep warm. So young, and so completely and utterly in love.

The first tear falls at the way Louis nuzzles his face into Harry's hair. Closing his eyes tightly and just inhaling, almost like he's saying a final goodbye. The second, third, and fourth tear comes from Harry. She can't see him at all, considering Louis is completely wrapped around him. But when his little hand finds it's way around her son, and grabs him so tightly she can see the white in his knuckles, she almost breaks completely.

_The two aren't meant to be apart. But they have to be, and they know it._

 

~

 

Louis counts in his head how much time they have left. His mother hasn't come back into the room, but now that he's got a tighter grasp on reality he knows what needs to be done. Quietly he pulls himself away from Harry. Feeling the warmth they had created drift into the air and away from them.

"Come on love, you have to get ready." He tries to say lightly. But his voice almost breaks.

Harry simply pulls himself up, trying to be stronger than he truly is as he nods to Louis, leaping forward to kiss him.

"You'll come with me, wont you?" He says, voice not breaking even for a moment.

Harry can at least try to be okay, right? It hurts so bad to have to go, but Louis is hurting too. If he continues to show his own pain then Louis will feel it and reflect it. If he seems okay with this, maybe Louis will calm down too.

  
They kiss continuously for about ten minutes before Harry pulls himself up with a small smile.

"Wont you?" He says, looking at Louis with the illusion of a bright and happy face. And Louis can hardly even respond properly. His breath being caught in his throat as he looks up at him. Eyes so so green, and lips so fucking red.

"Ye- yeah. Already planned on it." He says to him, biting his tongue. Realizing he sounded a bit bland when Harry kind of krooks his head to the side and narrows his eyes.

"I mean, I want to be with you the entire time. Will you hold my hand?" He says sweetly, with a small smile. And Harry is leaning back down onto him and kissing his nose.

"I love you, and I want you to be with me." Harry says quietly back with confidence showing through his voice.

Louis can only grin back at him. The atmosphere in the room completely changing and warmth coming back into the air. He shakes his head in realization that they're going to be okay. Harry is still breaking inside though. Trying so hard to be strong for him. He thinks it's working and in a way, maybe he's lying to himself, but maybe he really does feel a tiny bit relieved too.

So with that, Louis is hoisting Harry up, letting the boy wrap his legs around his waist, and carrying him to the bathroom.

Jay peeks up the stairs with the sound of giggles, and actually feels so relieved at Harry's smiling face. The two share a small moment then. One of those moments that just makes her feel so close to the boy. Like so many of the small moments before, Harry makes eye contact with her and he's smiling widely as Louis hums his favorite song loudly into his shoulder. His curls are bouncing as he gives her a small wave and is carried around the corner to the bathroom.

Louis then sits him on the counter and begins talking him through his morning routine so Harry does his hair properly when he's by himself. And the boy really does listen, taking mental notes on the way Louis picks the comb in the back of his hair, but brushes the front of it. He also notes that he uses children's "no tear" detangler on his hair. It smells like strawberry's and he kind of feels completely intoxicated.

"Okay, now when you wash your face, you go like this." Louis says, scrunching up his face.

So Harry scrunches his face up too.

"Remember,  _Do not_  put it in your eyes. We don't want another repeat of that time you decided it would be okay to shower without me." Louis scolds playfully, thumbing under Harry's eyes and remembering fondly at the way he came running into Louis' room with with a towel and his eyes closed tightly; And you know,  _maybe running into the wall_.

It was so strange for him to know that Harry had never used face wash, or even knew how to properly wash his hair. It's both cute and disturbing at the same time. Even during those nights when he watched him in the shower during summer camp, he hadn't noticed the way Harry would just stand under the water as his way of getting clean. Kind of feels like you're raising a child that you're completely head over heels in love with, and enjoy touching every now and then, Louis thinks.

 

After a moment, Louis rests his forehead against Harry's and just sighs.

" M'gonna miss you." He says, breathing him in for the hundredth time today.

"Gonna miss you kicking me and stealing the blankets at night." He adds, kissing him on the forehead. And Harry does giggle a bit at that, remembering of the night he woke up with all of the blankets and Louis shivering next to him with an angry look on his face.

"Do you wanna wear one of my shirts today, then?" Louis says as he backs up with a sniffle and a smile. Harry nods immediately, feeling his heart flip and flop inside of him. So Louis pulls his shirt off and gives it to Harry, watching the way the boy tries to pretend he doesn't smell the shirt as he puts it on. And now Louis is feeling just a little embarrassed at how bare he really is right now. Regardless, he slips Harry's shirt on, which actually fits him pretty well.

"Right then. . " Louis says, finally pulling himself out of this weird daze he has found himself in.

He continues his routine with Harry. Suddenly remembering all of the gifts he had gotten for him, and also realizing that in about ten minutes they will be walking out of the house, hand in hand. Completely scared out of their skin over the entire situation.

 

~

 

Once they finally knock on Anne's door, everything kind of fades away. Not in a good sense either. With the way Harry had his fingers digging into Louis' side, and the way Louis' throat hurts trying to hold in tears, it's a bit difficult to face the future family that Harry now belongs to.

Harry hesitated to walk out of Louis' room when the time came, and Jay didn't say a word about it. She ended up having to call Anne to let her know that Harry was having a few issues with leaving at the moment, and that they would be a bit late. Louis was thankful when he overheard, but it didn't end this dreadful feeling he was holding in his gut. And really, he doesn't think it's overreacting. Harry has never truly had a real family. Louis was the first person to truly love him. He got ripped away twice before this time-- That is, if you count the time the supervisor at camp made Harry go back to his own cabin. But regardless of all that. Harry is being ripped away for a good reason this time, right?

But the ripping hurts, even if Louis gets to see him every single day and sleep over whenever he wants. It's the fact that he can't come home to find Harry in the comfort of their bedroom. He can't take showers with him, he can't even sleep in the same bed with him. --  _Anne had told Jay that she knew they were in love, but she can't allow the boys to be doing. . those things, in her house._

Regardless of the pain, time keeps ticking and they're both scared shitless.

 

  
~

 

 

"It hurts so bad to let someone else have him." Louis whispers to his mother, watching Harry's face glow as he opens gift after gift. And it's not even that Louis is scared or sad anymore. He's just hurting, and he's jealous, and he's happy, and warm, and maybe a bit too calm for his mother's liking. Because Louis isn't a calm person. He's never been so calm. To but it shortly, Louis feels temporarily forgotten.

"I know, love. But you need to let him have this. Let him go for a little while, yeah? He's got to explore these new feelings." Jay whispers back, scooting closer to Louis in the floor. Their knees touch for a moment, and Louis kind of jumps a bit at that. Okay yeah, he may seem a bit too calm on the outside, but on the inside his mind is racing and he's angry, and jealous, and needy, and happy, and so fucking in love.

In the middle of opening a gift, suddenly Harry jolts and fixes his eyes on Louis. His eyes are filled with question and Louis is a bit confused until he realized that Harry had simply jumped because of Louis' reaction to a mere motherly touch. Harry searches for the reason as to why Louis didn't look so happy, and now his smile is fading for his older boyfriend. He kind of looks over at Anne, and then at Jay and shakes his head for a moment. Because he hasn't really felt And comfortable enough to say anything yet. when they look back at him confused, Gemma jumps up. Because she could kind of tell what's happening. Harry is thankful Gemma is his new sister, he really is.

"Mum, I think we need to take a break. It's even a bit overwhelming for me and he hasn't even gotten to Louis' gifts yet!" She says a bit too loudly, kind of nudging Harry towards Louis.

With a nod to her and a silent ' _thank you_ ' , Louis stands up and grabs Harry's hand. They both ignore the obvious confusion on Anne's face as Louis leads him to his room-- _because they had already shown Harry so he could put the small amount of things he already had in there._

After shutting the door, Louis just hugs him. All negative feeling draining out of his body and disappearing completely. And he actually wouldn't care at all to admit that it's more of a smothering embrace than a hug, but who is he kidding? He needs this boy in his arms right now.

"Lou, what's wrong?" Harry says, a bit shocked at the force of the hug.

"I just don't want to give you away." Louis almost whines to him. Because honestly, his negative feelings might be slowly draining, but he still really wants to cry.

Harry tightens his grip on him, pulling him just a bit closer and nuzzling his head into his chest. Louis can smell the detangler they had used just a little while ago and he wishes he was still in that moment, watching Harry scrunch up his face and teaching him how to groom himself so he doesn't look like a dope. Even though Louis would still love him endlessly as a dope.

"I'm just--  _kind of jealous_. ." Louis admits after a moment. Feeling anger as he thinks of how Harry's smile isn't caused by him this time. He has a family now. A family that loves him.

And somehow, Louis doesn't exactly understand it. . but Harry just  _knows_. He knows everything Louis is feeling, and he speaks so perfectly in a sense that makes Louis melt away.

"You're the reason this is happening." Harry says first, and before Louis could speak back in protest, he talks again. "You're the reason I'm happy, and you're the reason he's in jail, and you're the reason I have a family, and a sister.  _A sister_ , Louis. I have someone to take care of me when you can't. And as long as you stay right next to me, i'll be happy, and okay." He's not nuzzled into his chest anymore, he had pulled away from him mid-way, and just looked at him as he spoke. Trying to get through to him that he's okay. And he's happy, and Louis is the reason why.

"You've never said so much at once before. . " Is all Louis can muster up before he leans down and kisses him. It's warm and full, and he suddenly just feels so fucking happy, and so proud of himself.

"I've practiced." Harry states between the kiss.

They giggle for a moment, but it's cut short by the sound of a cough. A cough that seems close--  _too close_.

 

~

 

"I swear, I was just coming to check on you!" Anne says a bit too dramatically.

Louis just glares at her before moving on.

"And  _you?_ " He questions towards Gemma.

"I--uh, yeah. . ."

"Mum?"

Jay simply smiles at him, and winks.

"Well if you guys are gonna be spying on us," Louis says with a pause, grabbing Harry's hand, making sure that all three of the women's eyes follow the movement. "Then I'll just have to sneak out with him every night and go to a hotel or something. ." And then he pauses again, glaring even harder at them. "For some  _privacy_."

"Oh god! Louis, Don't be such a queen!" Gemma stands up to say, but at that moment Robin is walking in from work with a questionable look on his face.

"The only "queen" in this house is  _you_ , Gems. What's going on? Hows my boy?"

And when Louis heard the words " _my boy_ ", he grits his teeth and holds tightly onto Harry's hand in a way of saying that this boy is his. He has already made the mistake of letting another "Father" call the boy his own. And it honestly makes him sick to his stomach thinking about the things Harry had gone through because of his own ignorance. There is no way in hell he can allow Robin to claim the boy. Sure, call him your son. Call him anything, just don't call him " _yours._ "

But then, Harry squeezes him back with a smile before releasing his hand and waving at Robin. Louis might feel a bit empty in that moment. The fact that Harry seems okay with this when he is completely breaking on the inside. It's kind of fucked up, really. How is Harry not afraid? How is he not freaking out about this family possibly treating him just as bad as his own father had done?

Well, maybe that's because he found this family through Louis, and there is no way in hell he would ever cause Harry any sort of pain.

Regardless of the things Louis has yet to realize, he glares at Robin only for a moment before he calms himself. Mainly because the man had only smiled at Louis before speaking again.

"Hey, there are still gifts to open! I didn't miss too much I see. Alright then, let me settle in and we can continue, yeah? "

With a nod of three out of four heads, Harry is pulling Louis into the floor and scooting in close to him. Jay simply smiles at the way Louis wraps his arms around Harry's torso and holds him possessively. Anne follows with a fond smile, remembering being that young, but not so in love.

"I love you." Louis whispers into Harry's shoulder causing him to giggle a bit. The whole room goes silent at the sound and at that moment Robin walks back in the room.

"What's with the sile-" He's interrupted by Anne jumping up with a not so quiet squeal.

"What?! What's wrong?!" Robin rushes, running towards her and bracing her shoulders.

"Oh. . oh  _goodness_ , I'm so sorry. I just got excited. ." Anne finally responds. She feels a bit dumb because hearing Harry make any kind of sound is almost like hearing the first cry from a new born baby to her. And all of these strange looks she is receiving bother her none as she reaches towards Harry and almost steals him away from Louis. But when she reaches down for his hand, he simply shakes his head and looks to the ground.

Feeling rejected and defeated, she ignores the hurt and glances at Louis, who is smiling proudly and possessively over the boy. She kind of has to remind herself that he is the only link between Harry's past and his future, and she can't just rip him away like that. She's already stolen legal ownership of him, the least she can do is allow him to sit against Louis' chest, right?

"Right then, um. . " Gemma tries to tame the awkward silence but is cut off by Louis loudly announcing his interest in a certain gift.

"Can I  _please_  , know what's in that stupid box that's been haunting me ?!"

 

~

 

Louis wasn't too shocked with the gifts, but he was pleased nevertheless. Jay had gotten Harry numerous things. At least ten different outfits, several CD's that Louis had to help her pick out, a laptop, and four large boxes filled with books that Gemma had found quite interesting. Of course, Gemma did play part in buying a few of her own personal gifts to her new little brother. Three of which were allowed to be opened infront of the family, and two of which that were to be opened in the privacy of his own room with only herself and Louis present.

Robin was the one to buy all of the typical bedroom needs. He had gotten an entirely new bedroom set for the boy, and had brought six different strips of paper with different colors on it.

"Which color do you like best?" He had said to him. And when Harry couldn't choose just one, he simply pointed at the two colors that he liked best.

Louis had snatched the strips out of his hands and called out the colors to Robin.

"Alright, We'll be painting your bedroom tomorrow then. I've already arranged for Louis to sleep over with you tonight if that's alright with Jay, and we'll start tomorrow morning!"

Louis' eyes kind of widen at the openness the man was showing in that moment, and noted that he should probably attempt to get him alone at one point soon. Jay had simply nodded her head in approval towards Robin after that before she's  _finally_  grabbing the tiny gift that had been pissing Louis off all night, and thrusting it into Harry's hands.

 

Jay had gotten Harry a cell phone, already filled with phone numbers that he will need. And Louis takes a quick five minutes to show Harry how to use it before moving on to his own gifts that have yet to be opened.

Harry knew Louis got him a gift. But what he didn't expect was a mountain of gifts that were terribly wrapped falling all over his lap. He may have had to fight a smile as Louis helped him open the gifts, laughing lightly in his ear at his reactions towards them.

" _See! Harry! See? this poster has a kitten on it!_ " Louis squeals a bit too girly for his liking before glancing up at his mum.

Only then does Jay truly realize that Louis really isn't as tough as he looks. She knows he would never allow those in his school to see him this way, but god she wishes he would. He looks genuinely happy. He doesn't look tired, or angry all the time. He isn't wearing his ripped t shirts as much --  _then again that may be because he gave them all to Harry_ \-- and he's even cleaning himself up in the mornings. Styling his hair perfectly rather than letting it go wherever. It's a nice change, in her opinion. Maybe Louis wasn't the only savior in the room.

She takes a moment to look at Harry now. The boy's cheeks are rosy, and he is smiling brightly for anyone to see. It pains her when she thinks back to the night she had seen him sitting limply in that dreadful kitchen, and she can't even imagine what Louis felt when he found out about all of this. How he found out about all of it? She doesn't know. She does know though, that Louis went to camp jaded and selfish, and he came back broken and worried.

Through the pain, the hatred, and even the mood swings, she thinks this was meant to happen. Louis was destined to be with this boy. Someone who she had never known existed, and she's never been happier that Louis was in enough pain to tell her. Of course, she didn't want her son to be in pain at all. But through it, she learned about a whole new type of hurt. A type that no one should ever feel.

She thinks briefly about all of the other children who are still in the same boat that Harry was in just months before, and yeah, she's a lawyer. But now she thinks she'd like to be a different type of lawyer. Instead of one who is paid to get men like Harry's father  _out of jail_ , she'd like to be one to save children like Harry _from men like him_. Paid or not, there is something dreadful going on in the world, and it took her selfish seventeen year old son to show her that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've changed the url of my main blog!! I'm now cravelouis.tumblr.com . My ficblog is bumfunlarry.tumblr.com . You can feel free to follow me on instagram as well! (Also CraveLouis) . 
> 
> For those interested in being the beta. Go to this link please. http://bumfunlarry.tumblr.com/post/80849167777/beta-wanted


	20. Butterflies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii guys, Chapter nineteen (twenty for ao3). Quickly before I give you a giant novel of more information, PLEASE let me know if the beginning of this chapter is confusing. Keep in mind that when it comes to Robin asking Louis if he’s staying, I go into explaining the night before. Anyway, Oh jesus! Im so sad that it’s almost over. I do plan to go through each chapter after I’m finished and note all of the unanswered questions for side stories and the epilogue! On top of that, I will be going through and editing all of the typos and bad grammar! Especially since I’ve had no luck finding my beta. Apparently anyone willing to beta my stuff have no writing experience or a fast means of contact (kik,texting, etc.)
> 
> So if you’re interested in helping me beta my future stories (I have plenty lined up) , Ill need you to view the notes after this chapter and apply for me! Or feel free to kik me and tell me that you’re interested. I’m more than willing to simply ask you questions myself. But I do suggest you at least read my requirements on tumblr.
> 
> \

 

     All three of them are sitting in the floor of Harry's new bedroom. Louis was putting up some of the posters moments ago, until Robin came in and grunted about having to paint the room the next morning. Louis simply huffed in defeat and rolled the posters back up before sitting down behind Harry and placing his chin on his shoulder.

"So, can we see your super secret gifts now?" Louis says to Gemma in a sarcastic voice. All the while, Harry is scooting back into his lap.

He can't really think of what the gifts could be. I mean, they've only just met. What makes these gifts so fucking personal? If you can even call them personal. Did she buy him a rated R movie or something? Anne and Robin seem like the type to keep that from anyone literally under the age of seventeen. Especially Harry. And even if she did get him something he isn't yet old enough for. . .There is no way Louis would allow it. He can't let Harry watch anything bloody, or scary.

Just as he was beginning to question the gifts even harder, Gemma is slapping her knees and getting up to quietly close the door. She looks both ways before closing it completely and then she's pulling the boxes out from the top of Harry's closet and placing them in front of the two.

Harry shows utter excitement in his eyes as he looks at the paper. He actually almost throws one of the books Gemma and Anne got for him across the room leaping for one of the pretty boxes. He turns his face to look at Louis a moment later, and barely puckers his lips before twisting them into a frown.

"We can still kiss babe." Louis says as he leans his face forward a bit and gently kisses him once before pulling back.

"Yeah, you guys can kiss around me. It's not like I'm gonna tell mum on you." Gemma adds with a smile and a small blush.

Harry simply nods in response and kisses Louis once more before turing back towards the box and reaching to pull it towards himself.

The way his bum had pushed into Louis' lower region really shouldn't have felt as good as it did, and he has to hold back a groan when the boy sits back against him again.

"Jesus." He whispers to himself, not quite noticing the way Gemma knowingly giggles at him a bit.

 

They watch him silently for a short moment before Harry tears at the paper, realizing that he's in a comfortable atmosphere. He can be himself, he can do what he wants. This is  _his_  room. This is  _his_  Louis. This is  _his_  sister.

But the moment the lid is lifted off of the box, Louis sends a knowing look at a red-faced Gemma.

"Wow. . um. . I--" Louis says in shock, as he looks back into the box.

"Well? I kind of figured you guys needed something of the sort?" Gemma kind of asks, kind of says sweetly with a wink. Harry is sitting frozen on Louis with his eyes wide and mouth gaping open. He keeps reaching out like he wants to touch, but pulls his hand back as he eyes the items even harder.

"Look, I- - I don't think he needs these. . " Louis whispers, looking to make sure Harry is okay. And really, he seems fine. But, does he even know what these are?

Harry is still sitting, shocked. He's never seen any of these types of things. They're quite pretty, but shaped like something that has caused him both pleasure and pain. Well, some are shaped that way. One of them looks like a strange pearl necklace, and the other is something he knows quite well. _Lube_.

Just as Louis goes to close the box, Harry whispers and stretches his hands out protectively in front of the gift.

" _Wait, I--_ "  
"Harry, do you _actually want_  these?!" Louis almost shouts before Gemma is covering his mouth and nearly hitting Harry with her elbow.

It's not that he wants to sound angry or shocked that the boy wants his gifts, he just kind of thinks it's too soon to even be suggesting something like this. Still, he's talking too loudly, and it startles Harry a bit as he frantically shakes his head and then nods. Obviously confused as to why Louis doesn't want him having the gifts.

"Shhh! I don't want them to know I got these for him- or you guys. I don't even know. I can take them back as long as they haven't been opened. But I figured-- even if it's not now-- or anytime soon, you guys could use these?" Gemma whispers to Louis, and she's gripping his shirt like she's about to punch him. But her face is soft. Meanwhile Harry is just sitting there leaning out of the way, still eyeing the box.

It's strange, Louis thinks Gemma kind of looks like Harry. Mouth curving the same way when they speak. So strange. And honestly, the situation could be very laughable to an outsider. But they're all three very serious about this. I mean, sex toys.  _Really_?

Louis can't lie over the fact that he does want to keep them, but by doing so. . he doesn't want to scare Harry. Even if the boy doesn't know what they are. Or  _does he_? Surely he knows  _something_. I mean, there is a some-what moderate sized purple dildo sitting there, obviously shaped like a penis. Maybe Harry is interested because it's sparkly? Maybe. . ?

"I want them." Harry whispers.

Gemma looks pleased. Not even realizing how amazing the moment is that Harry is actually speaking towards her.

"Alright little bro, I'm sure Louis here can explain everything. But, do you like them?" She says, leaning in and attempting to hug the boy.

Harry really does seem quite pleased, Louis notes. Especially because he hugs Gemma back. So, he guesses he really will have to have a serious talk with Harry about this.

"Moving onto the next box then. It's not much different, but this is definitely more for both of you than just Harry." Gemma says with a smirk as she tears a bit of the paper off for him.

Harry is excited now, though still a tiny bit confused. Opening the next box wasn't a shock at all and kind of a relief. Inside were three different boxes of condoms, and even more lube. Louis smiles just a bit at the box, and then looks back up to Gemma.

"Should _I_  take these home? Good timing by the way." He says to her a bit uncomfortable. I mean, it's obvious they have sex. But he really wasn't expecting this.

"Actually Louis, these are staying  _here._ "

"Sorry but no. We've been informed by my mum that  _no-no things_  will not be taking place here." Louis giggles a bit, poking Harry in the side as he speaks. The boy giggles a bit and tucks his face into his own chest, hiding his smile and blush.

"Well-- that's where the last gift comes into play. . ."

Louis eyes her down and nods before she opens the box for them. And before Louis can even see what's in it, she's explainging.

"Here, this is their schedules for the week. They're mostly off on weekends, but every other Saturday they both go out together and sometimes stay away for the entire night. They usually come home by the time I go to my classes, but that leaves me at home with Harry during the day--" She pauses, and gives Louis the paper, followed by a card titled "Gemma- The eyes."

"When they're gone, Louis, you can come over whenever you want, and if you need time alone just tell me. I'll give you both some time to yourself to do  _whatever you want_. Rules are meant to be broken sometimes, yeah?" She adds with short breath, examining the way Harry stares blankly at her like he wants to cry.

"Is this okay?" She asks after a moment too long of silence.

Louis had been staring at the two pieces of paper with Harry for at least the past minute and a half with absolutely nothing to say back until now.

"Just--T-Thanks." Louis finally looks up and gives her a bright smile.

"Really, you have no idea how much this means to me--  _to us_."

Harry nods with him, finally giving Gemma a smile. 

Louis is actually shocked when Harry leaps out of his lap and into Gemma. He hugs her tightly, and she simply wraps her arms around him and smiles at Louis with a wink.

"Anything for my brother." She whispers to him.

Once they've hidden Harry's new gifts where Robin and Anne couldn't find them and Gemma gives Louis his own copy of the schedule, she's picking herself up and preparing to leave the room. But she stops before opening the door and turns around.

"One more thing-- They are light sleepers, so I wouldn't attempt to do anything right now. But it'll comfort you to know that it's Friday, and tomorrow after they paint this room they will be going out, on their own of course. -- 'Gonna give you some time with him' as my mum said. But on Sunday they've asked me to invite you, Louis, to lunch with us. But that isn't the point. The point is, Tomorrow around six pm, they've decided to go out and plan to be gone until at least midnight. That gives you two six hours alone, and me six hours to wander around the city bored. Make use of that."

And then she leaves.

After not even three seconds, Harry speaks.

"I like her."

Louis simply hugs him tightly against himself with a sigh.

"Me too, love."

 

~

 

"Alright boys," Robin calls out, wiping some paint off of his hands and looking at Louis. "The room will take a while to dry, we don't have to do a third coat either. Louis, you're going to be staying a little longer, yeah?"

"If it's alright. I think I want to hang out with him and Gemma before going home, you know-- gotta make sure she knows how to take care of him!" Louis tries to sound sarcastic, but gets nudged by Gemma in the process of doing so.

"Shut up, you know im a good sister you little shit." She whispers to him and somehow it manages to pull a smile out of Harry. Which was enough of a response for her.

All four of them had been painting from the moment the were awoken by Robin knocking loudly on the door. When the man walked in, he only sighed in playful defeat as he saw the two boys sprawled out on the floor-- a little too close for his liking to be honest-- and Gemma wasn't too far off, huddled in a corner hugging a pillow.

That's right, after an hour or so went by and some lazy kissing between Harry and Louis the night before, Harry kind of hinted that he wanted Gemma to come back and talk with them. Louis may have been a little jealous that his alone time was being taken away again, but it really wouldn't hurt to test Gemma on her sisterly-abilities outside of their sex life. So Louis and Harry both had snuck to her room and sat with her in there for about twenty minutes before ushering her back into the boy's room.

At first it was only Louis and Gemma talking. Harry just sat and listened intently, an occasional giggle was heard but Louis always managed to muffle it with a kiss.

The quiet talks of summer life, and past events faded into Louis basically quizzing Gemma on how to care for Harry. You could tell the boy was a bit uncomfortable with that, and sadly Louis felt terrible when he realized Gemma truly did know how to deal with the boy. She was the one who halted the questions simply because Harry was uncomfortable. That made Louis feel like shit. It really did.

They had fallen asleep while playing a game though. All three faces red and hurting from smiling and trying to keep their laughter tamed. Harry had actually managed to play too after a few rounds between Louis and Gemma had gone by. And of course, such a game could have made Harry even more uncomfortable- but the boy assured Louis to play instead of refusing. So he did, holding Harry closely against his body and whispering into the air.

"Edward asshole hands. . " He says with a shaky voice, already trying so hard not to laugh.

"House of 1000 assholes. ." Gemma giggles back.

"The nutt- nu- nutty asshole!" Louis almost yelps back in a shaky giggle, causing Harry to laugh too.

It's not even that Harry has seen or even heard of these movies, but the things they're saying is just . .  _funny to him._

They all three had bursted into laughter after that one, the boy trying hard not to be heard still.

"Oh my god! Oh! I got one! " Gemma says in an excited voice. " Cloudy with a chance of. . . " She pauses and whispers, " _assholes._ "

And before anyone could even laugh at that one, Harry is whispering out with a smile.

"The asshole of dorian gray."

It falls silent before Louis finally puts it together. It's not a movie title, but a book. One that he was basically forced into reading just this past year in school. He absolutely hated it, but the title seems rather fitting.

He laughs into Harry's shoulder after that, all of the giggles not quite halting for another hour or so. They all feel like they've not only named every movie ever made , but every book and video game too.

Harry eventually was the winner of course, hearing him half giggle " Final asshole seven" was enough to have Louis not quite able to breathe. Especially because Final Fantasy VII was one of his favorite childhood games that Harry had only recently began playing. Plus, how could it have been the actual  _final_  asshole since it was clearly the seventh of the series.

The floor wasn't all that comfortable, and Louis did have a hard time falling asleep with Gemma in the room, but the exhaustion ultimately took over his body and he fell asleep with Harry's body backed up against his own, already a sleeping mess.

And just before the painting had begun the next morning, Harry sleepily whispers something to Louis. Something that draws out a laugh and a mocking look towards the yawning Gemma.

"Gemma  _snores_ , it woke me up in the middle of the night. ."

Louis laughed fondly when he tried to respond.

"Does she? Why didnt you wake me up?"

Harry had only shrugged with a shy smile before picking out a paint roller and standing behind Robin as he opened the paint cans.

 

~

  
"Robin, Love. What about schooling him? I don't think a public school is the best idea for him. Poor boy has been through so much." Anne says as she looks out the window with her hand on her heart.

They had left the house only five minutes earlier, a new life weighing down their minds.

"You think? I thought he would do quite well. He's turning fifteen after all, so he'd be in the same school with Louis, wouldn't he?" Robin responds back, thinking hard about the conversation.

"Well, yeah. But Louis wouldn't be in any of his classes, now would he? He wouldn't be able to protect him, and you know damn well how protective he is over that boy. " She says, excusing her language quickly after.

"So what do you propose?" Robin pauses as he takes a left, heading for his co-worker's place. " _Homeschooling_?" He looks to his side, making eye contact with his wife and nodding his head.

"I think that would be best, love. Keep your eyes on the road."

Robin hums in agreement and decides that after tonight, they both will have to put a lot of effort into bonding with this boy. He deserves a good life, and moving too fast could ruin that.

Meanwhile at the house, Louis had given Gemma a look , kind of pleading for some time alone. To which she responded after little teasing.

"Okay, okay. I get it! You two have fun. Of course, not _too_  much fun. Don't wanna come home to a wrecked and sticky house." She says with a wink.

Louis of course, was being impatient. After ten minutes of Gemma gathering important things and fixing her hair, he locks himself in her room with her and simply looks at her again. His eyes practically begging.

"Gemma,  _please_. I  _need_  this." Louis pleads.

"Okay, jesus christ you fucking animal! I'm leaving, I'm leaving."

And without another word, she walks out, hugs Harry and gives him a small peck on the cheek, and is sauntering out the door with the phone to her ear. She gives a small wave behind her back right before the door closes, and then-- silence.  _Finally._

Louis sighs as he turns away from the door and looks to Harry. It's only been about a full day and a half since they were completely alone and free, but it feels so distant and awkward. He will be damned if he allows this.

Harry is standing against the wall looking to the floor. But Louis can see the way he is tightly clenching his fists and trying to avoid looking up.

"Haz. . ." Louis nearly whimpers, crowding infront of him and lifting his chin with his thumb.

Harry's eyes are a bit glassy like maybe he was attempting to keep from crying.

"Haz? Harry? What's wrong?!" Louis says in a panic, trying to stay calm to keep from ruining the peace surrounding them.

"N-nothing! No, no. I'm happy. I just mi-miss you?" And he says it like a question, which is so fucking confusing to Louis.

"But. I'm right here babe." Louis says, motioning with his hands towards his body mass standing not three inches away from the smaller boy.

"I know _that_!" Harry says with a sniff and a smile, playfully slapping at Louis' chest.

Louis kind of falls back dramatically with a laugh and an overly dramatic " _Heyyyy!!_ " But then Harry pulls him back in by his shirt and clings to him, nuzzling his face into his chest and just, breathing.

"No i mean. . I miss being close to you all the time. ."

"We can still be close, Harry. All the time, everyday. Whenever you need me. Whenever I need you, yeah?"

Harry nods as he lifts his face up, and Louis swears no one could ever be more flawless than him. His face titled up towards him, the dimmed lights hitting it just right-- It warms his heart so much he feels he could burst into flames and be re-born again. His eyes are so green, and so bright. They've never been able to shine this way, like the boy is finally realizing that there is a better life for him, a life that he deserves.

"You're beautiful." Louis whispers, before Harry slightly hums and goes on his tip toes to finally kiss Louis without the feeling of Gemma watching.

Louis can't refrain from smiling, and he doesn't try to do so at all. He kisses and he smiles, and he feels, and loves, and jesus christ he wants to cry. So he does.

The moment Harry tastes the difference, the salt on his lips, he's kind of pulling back. But Louis just holds his face against his own and shakes his head with muffled words.

"Don-t--im happy." He says as he continues to kiss the boy, and Harry's fingers cling to his neck so tightly after that, Louis kind of winces in pain. But he loves it. Loves when the boy feels comfortable enough to just--touch him. Do what he wants with him.

The kiss drags on, slow and sweet. And Harry feels more content than anyone else in the world being held against the wall by Louis' love. By his hands, his legs, his lips. He can feel the heat of Louis' body seeping into his own and he wants more of that. He wants all of the heat he has to offer. And he's beginning to believe that Louis will offer up everything he has just to make him happy for just a moment. Though one touch could keep him smiling for a life time.

After a long session of feeling lips on lips, Harry gets brave. Louis can sense that. He senses it the moment Harry uses the little tricks he picked up from all of the mid-sex kissing. He only slightly nibbles at Louis' lip and lightly traces his hand up his neck and into his hair. The moment he titled his head to the side for better access though, Louis knew that it was time to move forward. So cautiously-- _very cautiously_ , Louis traces his hands from the boys hips to his ass. Not quite gripping, but holding him there before pressing his body against him, allowing the boy to feel him growing harder against his jeans.

"Oh. ." Harry whispers against Louis' lips before willingly pressing himself against him harder. Louis grips him at that moment, holding him against his body and allowing himself to feel the pressure of it. They stay like that for a moment longer, just looking at each other. Their breath is uneven, lips swollen. And Louis can still see the brightness in Harry's half-hooded eyes. He's definitely going to be completely gone in the next few seconds if Harry doesn't move, or rut, or just--breathe. But he doesn't. He just looks at Louis, shifting his eyes to his lips for a moment before using his hands to pulls Louis' hair lightly, tilting his head to the side. He's done this a few times before, but never like this. Never without asking for permission. He lowers one of his hands and traces it over a spot on Louis' neck before attaching his lips there and sucking. Louis has to pick him up then, allowing Harry to wrap his legs around his waist before he braces them against the wall with one hand, and holding Harry up with the other.

"Harry. . " He slightly moans out, trying to speak normally. But he can't ignore the tingling on his neck and the heat in his pants. He can feel Harry too. He feels it stiffening against his stomach and he desperately wants to touch and love and just-- feel and see Harry fall apart in his arms.

"Harry--Haz-" Louis calls out again, and Harry just hums against his neck. He can feel the boy kitten licking at the spot that is becoming more and more sore by the second.

"Let's--Can we go to your room?"

And Harry is most definitely hitting a brave streak. More confident touching Louis in a more intimate way, you could say. He responds simply, and a bit demanding.

"Please. Now." Is all he mutters, before he goes back to kissing on Louis' neck.

He really doesn't have the heart to stop him, he doesn't want him to stop. So he grips at Harry's ass tightly, and attempts to keep his balance as he carries the boy to his room. Still feeling him becoming more and more content as he sucks harder and harder in that one spot. He bites him there as Louis kicks open the door, and they're both hit with the smell of fresh paint. But honestly, who cares?

Louis winces in pain when Harry bites him again, but then he's pulling back and wrapping his arms around Louis' neck as he's sat on the bed.

When he attempts to stand back up, Harry doesn't let go. He holds him tighter and lays himself down, pulling Louis on top of him and giggling a bit.

"Harry, I have to get the-  _you know._."

"The stuff?" Harry whispers with wide eyes.

"Yeah. . "

And honestly, the boy is becoming more and more cheeky by the moment as well.

"To save you a trip later?"

Louis just looks at him. Curls lying widely across the pillow and legs spread around him. His face is so sweet, so innocent. But this boy knows what he wants now. He knows Louis isn't here to hurt him.

"Alright then-- what're you waiting for?" Harry half-giggles as Louis leans down and kisses him.

"One second, I promise."

It takes more than a second though, Harry actually props himself up on one elbow as he watches Louis attempt to take his pants off and walk across the room at the same time. His laugh escapes before he covers his mouth, and Louis is turning to shoot him a cheeky look.

"Don't laugh at me, I'm trying to hit two birds with one stone here!"

"What?"

Harry doesn't get it of course, but Louis laughs is off as he decides to just waddle with his pants at his ankles back to the bed with lube and condoms in hand.

"Gemma is a good sister. Keeps us from getting pregnant." Louis laughs as he lets himself fall between Harry's legs again. He finally kicks his pants off and looks up to the boy.

"Of course, boys can't have babies. But still."

Harry giggles again, and then his face goes serious. Eyes looking straight to Louis' lips and no where else. Louis notices and works quickly with pulling his shirt off and lying himself back down on top of the boy.

"I miss you too." Louis says, and doesn't even allow himself to take in Harry's look of realization before leaning down and kissing him with enough force to freeze Harry in the moment.

He doesn't quite kiss back until he comes back to reality, realizing that both in this fantasy world and real world, it revolves around Louis. That he is everywhere and he will never get enough of it. But he will damn well get as much as he can. So he shoots his hands into his hair again and begins kissing him back just as desperately.

It doesn't take them long before they are fully hard and panting against each other's lips. And every now and then, Harry works his hands down to his neck, and presses his thumb into the messily formed bruise he had created only minutes before. Each time it draws a marvelous hiss out of his older boyfriend's mouth and he wants to play that sound in his head on repeat for the rest of his life.

"Babe. ." Louis whimpers as he pulls away and rests his head against Harry's chest.

Harry smiles, because he is so in love. Knowing that Louis can so easily touch him, and call him things like "babe" and "baby" . Especially because he does it in a voice that sounds so exhausted, but so ready to take on whatever Harry throws at him.

"Hm?" Harry says, running his hands up the back of Louis' neck and into his hair again.

Louis laughs against him, but says nothing else. He uses his hands to speak now. Telling him that these pants he is wearing are in the way, and that shirt is soaking up all of the heat meant for his own skin to feel.

When Louis unbuttons his pants, Harry simply lets him pulls them down his body, and he does attempt to help with a little shimmy, but that only makes Louis bite his lip as he traces his fingers up the boys legs and lightly across the heat in his briefs. Harry breathes out at that, watching the way Louis looks at his body as if the scars aren't there. As if he is just as normal, and more beautiful than any other person on the planet.

Still, Louis traces his fingers up the boy's body. Past his hips and belly and up his shirt, finally lying his hand flat against his chest and kissing him once before he is removing his hand and pulling the boy's shirt off of him.

Honestly though, the scars are difficult to ignore, but the only thing Louis can do is remind himself that he will never allow another scar to form on this body again. The only bruises will be from his own mouth and nothing else. The only other person who will ever touch this boy again is him, And that always helps. It definitely helps to keep the pain and hurt out of his heart when he runs his fingers over smooth skin but then suddenly feeling the uneven and raised scar tissue on the one person who never deserved such a thing.

"I love you." Louis whispers into the boy's neck as he kisses there, running his fingers back down his body. Constantly reminding himself that the scars are from the past and all he can do now is fill the boy's heart and soul with happiness, hopefully helping the boy erase all sadness from his body. So all they are, are scars with no story.

But there will always be a story, wont there?

Harry had shared his sadness, and it's time for Louis to share his happiness.  
 _"I love you._ " He says again. Feeling the way Harry is allowing his hands to travel and explore down his spine, causing goose bumps to form all over like waves.

"I love you too. . " Harry whispers. But it's loud, and Louis can feel it against his ear as Harry whispers it back confidently.

"Can you please touch me. . .?" Harry adds.

Louis looks down the boy's body and he can see him twitch in his briefs, and yes. He will most definitely touch him now, letting his fingers make their way back to the only piece of clothing on the boy, grabbing lightly at him. And Harry gasps, which is all Louis needed to hear to keep it going.

He just barely touches at first, kissing him all the while. Not once allowing himself to stop tasting the boy against his lips. He works other his hand under the boy's body again, this time rubbing from his lower back to his ass, back up, and back down, After a few seconds, he allows his fingers to slightly find their way under the band of the boy's briefs and he keeps it there. But he wants to see his face, so he pulls back and watches how the boy catches his breath before opening his eyes to look at him.

Louis' eyes are hooded, and his mouth is even more swollen than before. And then he fully grabs the boy and half spreads him apart with one hand. At that time, Harry gasps again, feeling full skin on skin in a hidden and private place and that only makes him want more. Louis can tell by the way he kind of licks his bottom lip before blinking slowly. So, he pulls his other hand away from Harry's dick and uses it to spread him apart even more, letting the briefs stretch and slightly fall below his own wrists. Harry then, wraps his legs around Louis, and allows himself to be lifted slightly.

He leans up and kisses Louis once before he uses his hands and presses Louis' body back into his own.

Louis does a small circular motion with his hips before he loosens his grip on Harry's ass and completely pulls his briefs down. He doesn't looks down yet though, he just pulls Harry back up and feels his full and thick dick throbbing against his own clothed one. And fuck, he needs his own briefs off like, now.   
When Harry traces his hands lower and rests them just above Louis' ass, he whispers.

_"Can I?"_

Louis nods.

"Yeah babe, take them off."

And so, he does. Pulling them down Louis' thighs and becoming even more brave as he hugs his waist tightly and yet again, pulls his body down onto his own.

Finally, skin against skin.

Louis doesn't make haste after that, he simply allows himself to feel the boy against him. He can feel the way Harry's chest rises and falls with each breath, and the way his legs twitch each time he actually does press his body a bit more into the boy's.

Harry's body speaks for itself though. It wants to be touched, even if his face doesn't show that.

Which at the moment, his face actually does show it. It shows everything. It shows his heart, and his voice. It shows what he's feeling and what he wants to feel. And it shows that he's actually a bit confused as to why Louis is just lying there on top of him, looking and fawning over him, but not really touching.

"Lou?" Harry whispers.

"I know." He says back, leaning down to kiss him before trailing his lips down to the boy's neck.

He stops there for a moment, sucking lightly in the same spot Harry had marked him. He doesn't intend to stay in that spot long, because the boy is actually beginning to wiggle a bit too much and he needs to stop teasing him and just, do something for him.

He makes his way down to the little patch of skin that hovers above Harry's belly button, and he kisses there more than a few times before moving over just a bit to kiss one of the scars that Harry's father had left. The pain Harry feels when one of the scars are touched is long gone, because all that Louis has to offer is love, and all the scars need is love.

The feeling of Louis pressing kisses onto that one spot feels a bit surreal to Harry though. It's not that he hasn't kissed his scars, bruises, or wounds before, because he has. Louis couldn't have been able to live with himself if he hadn't. It's just the fact that the feeling gets to stay. Instead of feeling new marks form, he gets to feel them slowly fade away with each kiss and tender word that falls from Louis' mouth.

Just as he begins to trail his lips away from the raised tissue, Harry grabs onto his hair and pulls it slightly. Just enough to make Louis look at him.

The look in Harry's eyes at that time is something that completely flusters Louis. Out of all of these intimate and heated moments, this is the first time he's ever seen the boy look like this. Blushed cheeks and bruised lips, but he has this sweet smile that tells Louis he is truly becoming content with his life. And no one in the world could ever understand such a thing if you hadn't been through what they've experienced. The boy is healing fast, faster than expected. How is this even normal?

"Hmm?" Louis hums as he trails his eyes back down the boy's chest. Watching again at the way his even breath rises and falls.

"Lou?" Harry whispers, making Louis look back to him with a questionable expression.

"Yeah, love?" Louis mumbles back, going to kiss a few more times around the boy's stomach.

"Never leave me."

Oh.  
 _Never leave me. Never leave him. Never leave Harry. Never ever leave the boy who would have been dead if it wasn't for Louis. Never leave the boy who he had watched his best mate beat the shit out of. Never ever ever leave the boy who had cried to him, and clinged to him as if he was the last bit of life he could feel. And never leave the boy who he had found barely breathing in the disgusting home that smelled of neglect and perversion. Of rot, of hate, of pain, of unwanted and silent tears._

 _Never_   _leave._

And the reality of Harry's life is punching Louis in the gut for ever allowing himself to even know that the boy was in pain, and he did nothing about it until each time until it was almost too late.

Louis is almost too late for everything. But the one the he is sure of, is that he isn't too late at all to love. In fact, he is early. He found the one who completed him, and he went through hell to keep it. The one stable thing in his life is this boy lying beneath him with this explainable expression on his face. And he is scared as hell.

And then the silence of the boy's words are broken by a sob.

"Louis, don't."

And Louis again, doesn't speak.

"Don't you dare not say anything when I used every ounce of energy to talk for you. . ."

Louis gasps when Harry's content expression distorts into something sad and hurt. And he doesn't want this.

"I--" Louis tries, realizing that he had pulled a voice from Harry. But in return his own voice was taken away.

"I-- just. . . Sometimes Harry--"

The boy's eyes widen when Louis finally places a kiss against his skin again, for a moment he was afraid that he was going to be left alone again. And when Louis speaks out, he leaves his lips pressed against Harry and allows the vibrations of it to cause euphoria all across the frail and pale boy's skin.

"Sometimes you make it hard to breathe, and sometimes you make it hard to talk. But I love you, and I will always love you."

_"And I will never leave you."_

Not even a second goes by after the words are spoken before Harry smiles again, though his eyes looked slightly pained.

"I didn't--. . I didn't mean to not say anything. " Louis whispers, pulling himself up to kiss Harry again.

After four kisses and a nibble, Louis looks back at Harry and sighs.

"I've ruined the mood, haven't I?"

Harry smiles then, bigger than before.

"Maybe a little, you just scared me. ." He says it with a small chuckle, and that makes Louis' entire world spin far too fast.

"M'sorry. ." Louis whimpers like a child when he says it, whining and just flopping himself onto the boy like he had absolutely no energy.

"It's still been a while though."

"Oh? What exactly are you saying?" Louis says it playfully, poking Harry in the side and watching him squirm.

"Well, I suppose you're right. I mean, we have all of these supplies and we're already completely undressed. What on earth could we do in a situation like this?" The older boy adds after not really allowing Harry to talk, just letting him giggle.

And just like that, Harry is back to smiling and play fighting with Louis in an attempt to lighten the mood that was brought down in a matter of seconds.

"I ruined the mood, so I guess I'm just going to have to fix it then, right?" Louis says with a smile as he finally lifts himself back up. Harry looks at him, a smile still fixated on his face. And he nods. Harry actually nods. Like damn right you better fix this.

And so, Louis trails his eyes back down the boy's body. Noticing how he is softer than he was just moments before, and realizing that he definitely needs to touch him. Not just to apologize for the scare but to make him feel good, and to make him moan, and whimper, and cling to him as if he is about to drown.

  
~

The images of the night before will forever remain etched in Harry's mind. The freedom he felt the moment the door was closed and the two were alone, and the feeling of closeness with the only person who had ever truly rescued him.

Though the warmth and the highs were good for both of them, Harry thinks the moment they shared after their highs had dropped was far more memorable. Louis hopping up after catching his breath and uttering a small " _c'mon_ " into his ear as he leaned over him.

Harry of course, followed instantly, wondering if they should at least put some clothes on. It wasn't too important, considering they still had at least four more hours alone. So around the house they went, in search for sheets and pillows that could go unnoticed at the stroke of midnight once Anne and Robin come home.

After a short time of gathering the needed supplies, Harry had simply sat back on his bed and watched Louis hop back into his underwear and snatch one of Harry's jumpers to put on.

The younger boy was in awe at the sight, never once realizing how lovely it is to see  _his_  boyfriend wearing _his_  clothes as he prances around  _his_  room. He stifles a giggle more than a few times.

Louis constantly steals glimpses of Harry from under his fringe as he places the sheets perfectly around the room, creating a very fragile fort for the two. Of course, one wrong move would knock it down, so Louis made sure Harry was extra careful when he finally allows the boy to crawl inside.

"Wow, it's a lot bigger than I thought it would be." Harry giggles as he measures the space between the top of his head to the sheet hanging above them. Louis of course, manages to find a perverted joke in those words, but he chooses not to speak out about it.

"So I did good-- yeah?" The older boy asks, waiting for praise as if he was a puppy.

And honestly, Louis truly is proud of this little house inside of Harry's house. Because in a way it's like it's their own little space-- hidden and away from the rest of the world.

Harry easily praises him, leaping forward and nearly knocking down part of the little home Louis had created. Though he didn't, it's not like Louis would have really cared because Harry is currently kissing all over his face and giggling all the while.

"You did good." Harry murmured between the small and warm kisses.

"Your lips feels like butterflies."

Harry cocks his head at that and actually laughs at him.

"I like butterflies."

Louis smiles widely at the words though, because he wasn't entirely lying about it. Harry's lips really did feel light and fluttered as the wings of a butterfly would feel. It's all very overwhelming sometimes. How this boy is the very essence of nature. Like the entire world revolves around, and only listens to Harry through his emotions. When he is sad, the sky is sad, when he is warm, the wind is cooling. But when he is gone, no longer an existence of this world, it will break. All natural forces and spirits of this world will fall through and wander around looking for another core to plant themselves into.

That's the conclusion Louis had come to. The night the wind had carried him to the boy. As if the earth was the only thing that could save him. So Louis was the puppet. And he has never been more grateful for the wind, and the sun, and the flowers, and the sweet hum of all insects alike for carrying him to the one thing in this universe that matters to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THE NOVEL CONTINUES  
> I love all of you so much for being so patient with me (minus those assholes who sent me hate on tumblr). I promise, the more I write, the better I’ll get.  
> If you wish for my stories to be translated, simply send me an ask on tumblr or kik me about it. As long as it’s not posted on wattpad and you credit me, i’m all for it.
> 
>  
> 
> Keep in mind, I do have this story posted on wattpad now, sadly. (Username is Hazzanal) Not that I hate wattpad, I just kind of fucking hate wattpad. But, I guess it wouldn’t kill me to post it there since everyone is asking due to having an app and reading on the go.
> 
>  
> 
> So, Onto the chapter. Please do leave me some feedback. Im kind of second guessing myself when it comes to starting another chaptered story. So let me know if you absolutely fucking hate my writing, or want to see more of it.  
> (I always write novels in the A/N, I understand that it gets annoying. But communication with my readers, fellow writers, and shippers is very important to me.)


	21. Haunting, Isn't It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I know this took forever. I deleted like 3/4ths of the chapter because I really needed this one to just be a filler chapter. So please don't be disappointed in me! I know it seems like the story is coming to an end, which when i started writing it. This would absolutely be the ending. However there is still a lot more room for it to grow, and im taking the chances.
> 
> I love you guys so much for putting up with me and my extremely hectic schedule for time.
> 
> Also for putting up with these shitty typos. (ps I need a new beta again bc that one decided it would be cool to try and give Harry a different back story ????)
> 
> The nightmares will be addressed more in the future as well.

 

 

  
     Harry knows this smell. The all too familiar musty and rotting smell of sick in his own little world. He knows this silence too. So silent that even the drop of a pin would bust the ear drums of anyone trying to listen. It's uncomfortable and it's not what he's used to anymore.

He goes to move but his body is stiff and sore, and he can't quite imagine why. The last he remembers is falling asleep in the warm and comforting grip of his older boyfriend.

  
" _You destroyed the home we built._ " He hears a man say from afar. There is a soft echo in his ear, but it's not in a comforting sense. It's empty.

  
" _You left me._ " He hears again, and the voice is familiar. So familiar. All feelings rushing in at once as he feels himself shiver.

  
"Wh--" Harry goes to speak, but his voice has managed to fall short. So he swallows and tries again.

  
"Where am--" Again, his voice falls.

  
He still can't make himself move, but he tries as he begins to hear footsteps stomping up to him.  He can faintly see the outline of a man, light from the upstairs door shining down onto a single spot in the room.   
And then he gets it.

  
It's him. He's not with Louis. He's with _him_.

  
He panics, working up the courage to pick himself up and run out of the house. But just as he goes to pull himself up, he feels a hard and heavy object smash against his head causing him to fall back almost violently.  
He lies there, zoning in and out of reality each time he feels a kick, or hears a scream.  His head is pounding and his ears are ringing . His face feels hot, like it's bleeding.

  
_"H-"_

  
He hears a whisper from far away.

  
_So far away._

  
"Harry!" He hears the man yell out, kicking his ribs once more before suddenly--

  
 _"Harry! Wake up!"_  
  
Before he knew it, the image of the man burns away and Louis is there, hair sticking out in every direction, looking at him as if he were a ghost.  
He still can't speak, he's shaking, he's sweating, and his head is in a tremendous amount of pain.  
 _So he cries._  
  


  
~

  
  
     "I don't know what happened. He was just -- lying there sweating and shaking. It scared the shit out of me. . " Louis says into the phone, looking at his watch as he realizes it's almost time to head out.

  
"You said it was serious, Louis. And I agree. But he wont go to mum at night when he wakes up, he comes to me. . . So she doesn't think anything is wrong since he's acting the way he usually does during the day." Gemma says back, peeking through the bathroom door and into her room, watching the way Harry is soundly sleeping on her bed, as if last night didn't even happen.

  
"Wait, he had _another_?! Did you comfort him!? Keep him warm?! Where is he now!?"

  
"Calm _down_ Louis! Yes, yes and yes! He's in my room. He wouldn't go back to his own, so I let him sleep in my bed with me. He's definitely a cuddler, but I couldn't really sleep after he woke me. So I stayed up to watch over him. I promise, He's in good hands. Please don't worry Louis."

  
Of course Louis is worried though. First the night they had fallen asleep in the blanket fort, and he thought he made it better for the boy, he really did. Because Harry was smiling and carrying on like normal after about fifteen minutes of Louis holding him and kissing him after he had woken. Even when Louis had to go home, Harry seemed okay. Gemma huddling close behind him like the big protective sister she should be. But now that Louis knows that he's had another nightmare and he couldn't be there. . . he's fucking terrified.

  
"Should I come over tonight, or?" Louis sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

  
"Probably not, Louis. But Harry hasn't been over to your house since he got here. Maybe you should see if he can sleep over with you? I really need some rest anyway--" She says quietly, but gasps quickly after.  
"I--I mean, Im not mad or anything. Im just _exhausted_. How do you do it?" Gemma adds.

  
Louis laughs a fond laugh afterwards. Because he doesn't know how he takes care of the boy so well. He just does what he thinks is best and doesn't ask any questions, even if it puts his own health at risk.

  
"Yeah, I think i'll do that, actually. Ill call up Anne after class today." He says, specifically ignoring the second half of her statement from before.

  
"Okay, I need to go and wake him up anyway, it's time for breakfast. Let me know, alright? We'll make sure he's ready by the time you get home."

  
Louis kind of smiles after that, trying to ignore the fact that his boy is having relentless nightmares that make him see glimpses of the past. But imagining him being woken up, just one house over, and thinking of Harry wobbling out of bed and yawning as he scratches his stomach makes a warm feeling come over him. And that very thought is what led him to running out of the house ten minutes late for school.

  
That wasted ten minutes become longer upon walking out of his house though. Because there, stood in the driveway of his new home, was Harry. His hair a mess, his eyes hooded, and a hoodie that Louis had given to him. Louis stops in his tracks, wondering why and how Harry had managed to come outside and gather his thoughts so quickly. But he decides not to worry about it as he walks over to him and is shocked to see Harry flash him and smile and lift up on the tips of his toes to give him a kiss.

  
"Have a good day." Harry says to him, before looking to the ground and smiling.

  
Louis actually hadn't been able to kiss him back properly at that moment, too busy being shocked over the fact that Harry was outside to see him off to school for the first time since he's moved. So to make up for that, he lifts the boy's chin with a gentle touch and just looks at him for one moment longer before whispering.

  
"Be ready to come over after school, yeah?" Louis says with a soft smile, leaning a bit to kiss Harry properly once on the mouth, and then twice on the nose before giving him a small wave and shuffling towards the sidewalk.

  
And of course, Louis would assume that Harry would go inside after that, but he he can see out of the corner of his eye the way the boy sways a bit as he stands and watches him until he's out of sight. That made Louis feel safe. So he yells out to him before rounding the corner.

  
_"I love you!"_

  
He knows Harry wouldn't shout it back comfortably, but he can feel that the boy is probably smiling in return as he walks back inside to eat his breakfast with Gemma and the parents.

  
~

  
Harry doesn't start his home classes for another week or so, but he really wants to learn how to use the cell phone that Anne and Louis had gotten for him. Do they even teach that kind of thing anyway? Probably not.

  
So with that, Harry sits on the sofa for a good hour just pressing buttons-- he eventually gave up. Anne was outside trying to cover her plants in fear of them freezing over from the hectic winter air when she hears the boy walk out to her.

  
"Hi pumpkin, I saw you on your phone. Get the hang of it yet?" She asks with a bright smile, ignoring the fact that she just pricked her finger a bit on this weird thorny plant that Robin wanted her to plant.

  
Harry shakes his head in response and frowns a bit, hoping that asking her wont be too much. Regardless of how safe they make him feel, sometimes he can't bring himself to ask questions, or hold conversation with them. Simple yes or no answers get him by just fine, and they don't really force him to talk anyway.

  
Anna simply cocks her head at him before she smiles at the small voice that flows from his lips.

  
"Can you, maybe--um--help me do it?"

  
Without a thought Anne is forgetting about her dying plants and trotting inside with Harry following closely behind.

  
They sit for another good hour, Anne teaching him how to text, and showing him a list of contacts she had already put inside of the phone for him.

  
" _See?_ Louis' is the first one because I put a little heart in front of his name. This button is the one that calls him, or you could just text him." She explains with a light voice, seeing the way Harry concentrates hard on the screen.

  
"One more thing though, If you click this little symbol down here, you get all of these little faces and animals to put into your messages!"

  
Harry's eyes light up immediately, swiping through the pages and pages of emojis he could use. They make him feel warm, he doesn't know why nor does he really care.

  
"I think that about covers it! Any questions?"

  
Harry actually looks at her, thinking to himself.

  
"Um--The background?" Harry speaks confidently, pointing to the phone.

  
"Oh! What do you want it changed to?" She asks with a smile that very much resembles the blushing emoticon.

  
Before Harry could answer though, she's throwing her arms in the air and almost shouting towards him.

  
"OH! Wait wait, I know! Close your eyes!"  
  
When he is granted permission to open his eyes again, he looks at his phone and finds himself rather satisfied that now if he's feeling lonely all he does is have to look down and remind himself that he's happy with his boyfriend. The photo shows it all. Louis pinching Harry's cheeks with his eyes crossed, and Harry sitting in front of him, back to his boyfriend's chest, as one eye is shut from the tight pinch on his skin, and a very dopey smile.  
 _He likes that picture._

  
~

  
Maths is stupid. Louis honestly couldn't hate anything more than maths. It's nothing but a bunch of numbers making babies and giving their babies away, and cheating with other numbers.

  
And just as Louis was about to imagine the numbers on Jerry Springer to make time pass more quickly, his phone vibrates in his pocket. _Must be Zayn._

  
However, he can't seem to contain his smile as he checks and finds a notification from a number that was newly saved to his phone.

  
 " **Harry ♥ :** _im glad they got me a phone and i just  figured out how to text i miss you louis do i get to come over tonight (sad emote - blushy emote - banana - sunshine)_ "

  
Louis kind of figures that Harry likes the emotes, since he sent a good five hundred in that text, and he is actually very thankful for auto correct, otherwise he's almost certain half of those words would be spelled terribly. Which is no laughing matter, if anything it's utterly pitiful that Harry never got the _"joys"_ of learning. He did teach himself fairly well though, being able to read with ease as long as big words weren't used. ( _Louis learned that Harry had made up meaning for certain words that he didn't understand. His made up meanings actually weren't far off from the actual thing either.)_

  
Louis texts him back with ease, his heart fluttering over the fact that his boy texted him in class, probably not even knowing it's not allowed -- dangerous.­ ­  
  
 _"I'm so proud of you baby! I miss you a lot too, and I promise you're coming over tonight, I already asked Anne during my lunch period! Keep texting me please, ill miss you too much if you dont . xx (kissy emote)_ "

  
~

  
Anne and Harry were eating a late lunch when Robin came in. Needless to say, it felt pretty normal. But something about Robin kind of made Harry uneasy. Maybe it's because he's the same size of his own father? Maybe because his voice is deep, and could sound very threatening given a circumstance calls for it-- he isn't sure. Just _something._ Even if he knows deep down that Robin is a good person. 

  
And you know, maybe Anne picks up on it when Harry had flinched when Robin got up to grab himself a glass of water shortly after he had sat down to eat lunch with them. And sure, Harry knows that Robin had simply forgotten to get himself something to drink before sitting down-- but his sudden movements scare him. He can't help it.

  
Anne gives him a concerned look, patting him on the knee under the table with a quick smile. And that's when Robin takes in the silence and realizes something is wrong. So he shares a quick look with Anne before he speaks.

  
"Harry, I don't want to bring this up or make you feel uncomfortable so please just tell me to stop if I say too much. Okay?" Robin says with a kind of sad voice.

  
"We haven't told you this yet, hon, but we do know what had happened to you before you came here. And we understand that sometimes you get scared or uncomfortable--" Anne is explaining before Robin almost frantically speaks out.

  
"But I want you to know that--that you're safe with us! We love you, and you're our son. That--that man isn't your father. As far as we know, he's no one. We are your family and family _doesn't hurt each other_. They--they love each other-- and we love you and support you _no matter how long it takes_. We will do everything we can and wait as long as we need to make you feel safe and comfortable with us--" Robin goes to breathe in so he can spout out a bunch more stuff that he really wants Harry to know, but Anne can see the way Harry looks entirely too overwhelmed to be hearing this.

  
That's when Harry simply nods, and then begins to cry.

  
Anne gives Robin a look of disappointment, and the man kind of sulks after that. Knowing he's overwhelmed the boy and probably scared him even more now.

  
But then a small " _I--I know._ " Is sputtering from the boy's lips. He's crying, and his lips are shaking as he speaks but he continues. "I just--don't know how to trust anyone yet. . " Harry almost ends with a whisper, tasting the salt on his lips from the tears.

  
Anne rubs circles in his back and simply nods as she listens to him, but her hands stop for a moment when he had finished speaking as she came to realization that, no matter how good you are as a person, if someone is faced with nothing but evil and hurt-- they will eventually believe that's all there is in the world. And that scares her.

  
She quickly starts to rub circles in his back again, trying to hold in her own tears before she just decides to lean in and hug Harry. Robin quickly pulling himself up and joining the hug as well.

  
Nothing is said after that. Nearly everyone had lost their appetite by then, but still continued to poke at their food.

  
It was a strange sort of a comfort, Harry thinks.  
And by now he should know to embrace any sort of comforting feeling, regardless of how strange it seems.

 

  
~

  
  
 _"Shh."_ Louis and Gemma both say as they walk through the front door. Anne simply plays along shortly after realizing she would be shushed anytime she tried to say something.  
  
Gemma had been driving home when she saw Louis walking, so why not pick the little shit up? They decided that Harry probably didn't expect Louis showing up so suddenly, without a text or a knock on the door. So they're kind of excited for his reaction. His laugh is very important.

  
Tip-toeing through the living room, Louis tries to pull a cool James-Bond type move as he drops to the ground and tries to half roll/flip across the room and into the hallway. Sadly the move fell short as his foot slammed loudly into the bathroom door.  He can hear Gemma laugh behind him as he quickly flips her off and whispers, " _Shut up , you're gonna blow our cover!_ "

  
With that he's army crawling down the hallway, knowing he looks like a complete idiot and stops at Harry's door. And just as he gets prepared to peek under the door-- _Robin shows up._

  
" _Hello Louis._ " A loud and deep voice calls from the end of the hallway, and just as they turn to glare at Robin for ruining the surprise, Harry's door is flinging open and the boy is attempting to run out. Instead he finds himself tripping over some mass of man in the floor, mindlessly grabbing Gemma's arm for support and pulling her down with him.  
The boy lays there in shock for a moment before Louis peeps his head up and just--

  
_"Hi cutie!"_

  
And now all three of them are just laughing. Trying to wiggle out of the tangled mess they managed to get themselves into.

  
"Jesus, Anne! Getta load of this!" Robin says, pointing at the pile of teenagers at the end of the hallway with a smirk.   
  
As they finally all stood up, red faced and giggly. Louis pokes Harry on the nose and actually blushes at him. Gemma watches fondly, maybe slightly jealous that her boyfriend isn't like this with her.

  
"Ready for our sleep over at my house?"

  
And jesus he sounds like a twelve year old.

  
Harry simply nods with a smile before stopping and shaking his head.

  
 _"Gotta get some pajamas!"_ Harry squeaks as he runs back through his door and throws a random pile of clothes from his drawer into his bag.  
It's clearly like a weeks worth of clothing.

  
"Haz- you don't need that many clothes!" Louis scolds with a fond laugh.   
Harry simply shrugs in response before walking out of the room, directly past Louis, and straight to Robin.

  
" _Thank you_." Harry whispers simply and confidently as he pulls Robin in for a hug.

  
And honestly, Gemma has never seen a grown man cry like that, the moment the two boys were out the door.  
  
  



End file.
